What am I doing wrong???

[Jessx3]

I have been a stay at home mother for almost eight years now.  I have three children 10, almost 7, and 5.  The two older ones are boys and our youngest is a little girl.  I love my children with all my heart and I have dedicated my life to them.  They are driving me crazy.  I feel as if all three of them are teaming up against me.  They will form allies with each other.  One minute they are fighting like crazy, even physically and the next minute they are defending each other to the ends of the earth.  My patience is wearing thin.  Everyday is like a war zone in my home.  I can't keep up and have had severe headaches for weeks now.  I understand it is summer, and they are getting older and finding things to keep them occupied isn't as easy as it used to be, but they are just down right naughty lately.  Especially my middle child.  He doesn't respond to our punishments, mostly time outs and taking away privileges.  He laughs in my face when I am trying to punish him.  He says he doesn't care.  And at times he will take off running leave the house and head down the block.  He returns minutes later as if he hasn't done anything wrong.  I am losing my mind.  I don't know what else to do.  I literally lost my voice last week yelling at them to stop fighting.  They are starting to destroy things in the house and It seems like its never ends.  From the time they wake up until bed time they are constantly fighting, yelling, screaming, hitting, crying, etc.  What am I doing wrong?  Why is it so hard to control my kids lately?  And what can I do to make it settle down?  I understand this behavior may not completely go away, but I can't deal with it constantly.  HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[joen]

I grew up with 2 older brothers and we were roughly the same years apart.
Summer can be brutal and they may be ganging up on you. (WE THOUGHT IT WAS FUN)

We had scheduled "alone" time where each of us had to go in our rooms or outside, but we could not communicate with each other....  every day  1 hour

We also had actve time where we had to be outside or excercising.  and quiet time, etc.

We also would go to the park or playground where one of us would be in charge  and we couldn't ask Mom for help.  we had to settle disputes ourselves.

As I remember ,it was always 2 against one.... for a few months at a time  and never the same 2...   until high school age, then we all hung around together.
Good Luck.....   Sounds like you need quiet time for yourself!

[agomez333]

I know this is very contiversal (sp?) but every now and then when my kids get completely out of hand and are out of control we spank them. There are quite a few days where everyone is in their own rooms on their beds. My kids are 14, 11, and 10. I have to say that maybe because I have been spanking them here and there all along that when I tell them to go get on their beds and they don't listen and obey they will get spanked. They also loose priveledges. I take away xbox, psp's, tv time, computer time, whatever they use the most... As for the fighting, my kids fight alot too. At times I have been known to spontaneously put them into a room together and close the door and they can not come out until they have worked it out themselves. Sometimes there is hitting, but there are big punishments for hitting eachother... And this is for everyone involved. I don't want to know who did what because it is always someone elses fault. If I see it them its a different story but otherwise they are all in trouble. This helps too cause if one gets all three in trouble they are miserable for days by the other two... So you have to get creative with them cause what works for one doesn't always work wit the other...
The most important thing you can do for your children is give them consistancy. If they get in trouble for something today and do the same thing tomorrow, they need to be punished again but add something to it each time they do the same thing. ie: my son hits my daughter today, sent to his room looses psp for 2 days... He hits her again tomorrow he looses his psp for a week and looses movie night that week. We have game and movie nights and sometimes if they get in trouble I have them sit and watch the family play the game and think about why they aren't playing, or they sit on their bed while we watch a movie and they think about why they aren't watching it. But you HAVE TO be consistant...
Parenting is such a trial and error... I wish all kids came with their own manual saying "this works for him, or, this will never work for this kid"
Good luck....

[Agiesmom]

I don't have three kids close in age (mine are 12 and 1), but I remember how my mother handled my brother, sister, and me (we were spaced like your kids but two girls and one boy).  When we fought, we ALL got sent to our rooms.  My mother never listened to who did what to whom or who started it or anything like that.  I remember fighting one minute and commiserating with each other the next (talking through the heating vents) while in our rooms.  It worked for my mother.

Also, I would keep them really busy with organized activities.  Schedule outings, go to parks, do projects, play games, etc.  If they are riding their bikes on a bike path at the park, they can't be fighting.

All the best to you.