Aa
young girls having sex
Ok, I just checked out the 20 and under pregnancy forum and I am so very upset! Why are these girls getting pregnant so young? Don't their parents even talk to them? I don't understand a 13 year old having sex and then asking if she could be pregnant?! A 17 year old with twins! They don't use protection, don't they realize they could get an STD or AIDS? Where are the parents? Wake up America and talk to our children, boys and girls, they really need the help and also some help on spelling also :)
I taught all ages - but worked primarily w/middle schoolers as well as high school as well. I saw all kinds of parenting - even those who threatened to kick my hiney if I didn't stop sending his child to the principal's office - a lovely story - who do we blame for teenagers having sex? That's not a simple answer - do you blame the parent, teachers, society, themselves, etc., etc. A twelve year old having sex is not the same as a 16 or 17 year old for sure! They can't have accountability for their actions but darn it the teenagers need to take responsibility. As parents we do all we can do - attack me if you want - I don't see how I could've done more for my children. When does accountability kick in?
It seems to me women who've posted on this forum & thread do accept blame/accountability for their children. In fact almost painfully so - I can't speak for the rest of this country. I remember when my children were younger and I looked at parents of teenagers. I thought mine surely wouldn't do this or that. Lo and behold most of it they didn't do but oh my goodness - they sure went down some paths that they were taught not to. I have some very good examples but won't go into that.............
It seems to me women who've posted on this forum & thread do accept blame/accountability for their children. In fact almost painfully so - I can't speak for the rest of this country. I remember when my children were younger and I looked at parents of teenagers. I thought mine surely wouldn't do this or that. Lo and behold most of it they didn't do but oh my goodness - they sure went down some paths that they were taught not to. I have some very good examples but won't go into that.............
by the way I teach second graders but you can see at this young age what bad parenting does.. I have kids beg me to tell their parents they HAVE to come to their music program because they know their parents will not come... no time for their kids.. don´t tell me what I see or what I know I have seen things that you make you cry... kids with burns caused by their parents... sex abuse by parents even a case of a mother prosituting her 7 year old so don´t tell me... and as I clearly stated there are ALWAYS exceptions to the rule whereno matter what the parent does a child will stray... I said that first off... but if kids are having sex at 12 I know in my heart they are lacking love, self esteem or something at home.. that is that... anyway I realize it is much easier not to accept the blame for your bad parenting... it makes us feel better and hell when do most american ever accept the blame for anything that goes wrong in their lives.. we are much better at blaming others or god fobid an innocent child that could have been much more if just delt a better set of cards.. Attack me I know it is much easier for you all to do that then to look in the mirror... it´s ok I´ll take all the blame for the poor choices people make... but it still does not change the end result.... doesn´t change the lives of your children... only you can do that
ladies, i am not quite sure where this is getting any one.
what is the bottom line here???? are some of us going to pop into the 20 and under every once in a while and try to help or are we all going to sit here and yell at each other? Cause while this is going on, many young ladies are crying for help and they are being ignored.
You by no means at all have to go into that forum but instead of making a stink about it, maybe we should try to help in anyway we can.
my mother had me when she was 16 yr old and she was the best mother i could ask for. she was very open with certain subjects but rest assure very strict when she needed to be. I do believe that a mother can learn the role of mom/friend but i do strongly believe the friendship piece becomes more developed as we get older. Since i have been about 18/19, me and my mom have been best friends but she still was my mom before that and always will be.
I am an example that even though your parents had you yougn, does not mean we keep following in those foot steps. I graduated from college and have a great job and home and within the past year just decided to TTC. Had 2 MC's unfortunately but i did wait til i felt i was in a good space, although i know i will never be 100% ready for a baby, no one knows what it will entail.
So i urge you ladies to take a stand and try to help rather than beat a dead horse.
Thanks,
leigh
what is the bottom line here???? are some of us going to pop into the 20 and under every once in a while and try to help or are we all going to sit here and yell at each other? Cause while this is going on, many young ladies are crying for help and they are being ignored.
You by no means at all have to go into that forum but instead of making a stink about it, maybe we should try to help in anyway we can.
my mother had me when she was 16 yr old and she was the best mother i could ask for. she was very open with certain subjects but rest assure very strict when she needed to be. I do believe that a mother can learn the role of mom/friend but i do strongly believe the friendship piece becomes more developed as we get older. Since i have been about 18/19, me and my mom have been best friends but she still was my mom before that and always will be.
I am an example that even though your parents had you yougn, does not mean we keep following in those foot steps. I graduated from college and have a great job and home and within the past year just decided to TTC. Had 2 MC's unfortunately but i did wait til i felt i was in a good space, although i know i will never be 100% ready for a baby, no one knows what it will entail.
So i urge you ladies to take a stand and try to help rather than beat a dead horse.
Thanks,
leigh
Oh, one more thing....My parents did not drink, do drugs or go out! They were there up until my father died. But, I was still that kid who was sneaking out when my father was alive.
No, my son was not allowed to go out and run the streets. I imagine you were never this "type" of child. Where there is a will, there is a way.
At 12 years old, I waited until my parents fell asleep and I snuck out of the house. That is the first time I had sex. I snuck out quite often to the point that my parents had our windows bolted shut, had a key deadlock and when they left, my mother would take all of the phones in the house and lock us in with the deadbolt. There was supposedly no way out.....you know what??? I figured out how to take the bolts off of the window. She never knew I was gone....
My son went to go live with his father because he decided my rules were not the correct ones for him. He totally changed in personality over night and when I tried to correct that bad behavior, he left. Being that his father would do anything to hurt me, he was there to catch him along with others. His father is playing the good parent bad parent deal and right now he is the "good" parent as far as my son goes.
I discovered he was having sex from his Myspace, you can find out a lot about your children and who they are if you can read their pages. What can I do about it? Nothing. No, his father doesn't let him "run the streets" like some little thug BUT he does go to the water park, baseball games, friends houses, sleep overs. You cannot be there every second of every day of a child's life.
A few years ago I was watching the news where this mother chained her daughter to herself while they slept, she would sit with her in all of her classes, she was never unattached from her daughter. In order for us to know everything our children are doing, who they associate with and to keep them from making bad decisions, we would have to do this. How many of us as single parents struggling to pay the light bill have time to do that?
My son will no longer speak to me, I have no control over what he does. It breaks my heart to see him going down the path that he is. What do you do? In Louisiana, through the courts, it is his choice as to who he lives with.
My point is, if you raise your child with your eyes closed and believe that your child will never do a certain thing because of the way you have parented them, you are mistaken. Children know how to play their parents and do. My 13 year old played me like a fiddle. You can never trust your child completely.
Even though my 23 year old tells me a lot, he doesn't tell me EVERYTHING. I know there are things that he doesn't tell me. I am just grateful he felt comfortable enough to come out and talk to me about sex and drugs when the time came. Even with him talking to me and me letting him know where some of his choices would get him, he did still get in trouble.
There is no easy way to parent out children.
I have an example. I was constantly up my younger son's behind, I knew his every move. My older son had a friend who was not parented at all. He was allowed to come and go as he pleased, do what he wanted to do, go where he wanted to go, be friends with who ever he wanted to be friends with, nobody pushed him to go to school. This kid had nobody there for him. Sometimes this kid wouldn't go home at all. BUT, even with all of that, this kid got himself to school every single day, had a 4.0 grade average and he is now in College for an Engineering degree. How can this child be this way and my son turn the way he did? I don't have that answer.
I do hope that those of you pointing the fingers have children like this and not children like I was. Nobody could have told me no, if you told me no, that was like a challenge. I was taken for counseling, I was put into drug rehab, I was put into a mental institution........I still made my own decisions once I was alone.
For the lady who is a teacher. I'm sure you have parents who are going through a problem with a child such as I was, I'm sure they are in contact with you and are at their wits end as to what to do because they have tried everything to turn their child, who they love, down the correct path but it doesn't work. I know that all of the "bad" kids in your class do not have parents that don't care.
I may be wrong but in my 40 years of parenting I have seen a lot of kids who are lost, not because they didn't have good parents that didn't care but because these kids chose their path. I have seen parents who said, not my kid but it was THEIR kid. I have also seen kids with bad parents who turned out wonderful. When the sperm meets the egg, you have no idea what the end result is going to be when they hit their teens.
At 12 years old, I waited until my parents fell asleep and I snuck out of the house. That is the first time I had sex. I snuck out quite often to the point that my parents had our windows bolted shut, had a key deadlock and when they left, my mother would take all of the phones in the house and lock us in with the deadbolt. There was supposedly no way out.....you know what??? I figured out how to take the bolts off of the window. She never knew I was gone....
My son went to go live with his father because he decided my rules were not the correct ones for him. He totally changed in personality over night and when I tried to correct that bad behavior, he left. Being that his father would do anything to hurt me, he was there to catch him along with others. His father is playing the good parent bad parent deal and right now he is the "good" parent as far as my son goes.
I discovered he was having sex from his Myspace, you can find out a lot about your children and who they are if you can read their pages. What can I do about it? Nothing. No, his father doesn't let him "run the streets" like some little thug BUT he does go to the water park, baseball games, friends houses, sleep overs. You cannot be there every second of every day of a child's life.
A few years ago I was watching the news where this mother chained her daughter to herself while they slept, she would sit with her in all of her classes, she was never unattached from her daughter. In order for us to know everything our children are doing, who they associate with and to keep them from making bad decisions, we would have to do this. How many of us as single parents struggling to pay the light bill have time to do that?
My son will no longer speak to me, I have no control over what he does. It breaks my heart to see him going down the path that he is. What do you do? In Louisiana, through the courts, it is his choice as to who he lives with.
My point is, if you raise your child with your eyes closed and believe that your child will never do a certain thing because of the way you have parented them, you are mistaken. Children know how to play their parents and do. My 13 year old played me like a fiddle. You can never trust your child completely.
Even though my 23 year old tells me a lot, he doesn't tell me EVERYTHING. I know there are things that he doesn't tell me. I am just grateful he felt comfortable enough to come out and talk to me about sex and drugs when the time came. Even with him talking to me and me letting him know where some of his choices would get him, he did still get in trouble.
There is no easy way to parent out children.
I have an example. I was constantly up my younger son's behind, I knew his every move. My older son had a friend who was not parented at all. He was allowed to come and go as he pleased, do what he wanted to do, go where he wanted to go, be friends with who ever he wanted to be friends with, nobody pushed him to go to school. This kid had nobody there for him. Sometimes this kid wouldn't go home at all. BUT, even with all of that, this kid got himself to school every single day, had a 4.0 grade average and he is now in College for an Engineering degree. How can this child be this way and my son turn the way he did? I don't have that answer.
I do hope that those of you pointing the fingers have children like this and not children like I was. Nobody could have told me no, if you told me no, that was like a challenge. I was taken for counseling, I was put into drug rehab, I was put into a mental institution........I still made my own decisions once I was alone.
For the lady who is a teacher. I'm sure you have parents who are going through a problem with a child such as I was, I'm sure they are in contact with you and are at their wits end as to what to do because they have tried everything to turn their child, who they love, down the correct path but it doesn't work. I know that all of the "bad" kids in your class do not have parents that don't care.
I may be wrong but in my 40 years of parenting I have seen a lot of kids who are lost, not because they didn't have good parents that didn't care but because these kids chose their path. I have seen parents who said, not my kid but it was THEIR kid. I have also seen kids with bad parents who turned out wonderful. When the sperm meets the egg, you have no idea what the end result is going to be when they hit their teens.
I never thought my post would attract so much attention, bottom line is we need to do the best we can with our children , teach them morals, to be good people and pray they don't stray from it...It was very sad to me to read the posts of the women who were "abused" in some way, my point is that it all starts somewhere, with the abuser perhaps. That is why it is so important to be a good parent so we aren't raising the abusers or vice versa, we need to stop the cycle and it starts at home.
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