dont know what to do

[kai0912]

ok so i have a question....long story short.... im due on april 6 and know baby will be here very soon... this is my 2nd baby with bd.... thing is though we were together on and off for about 4 years not but mostly off... just this last time we decided this would be a planned pregnancy but then some things went crazy and we went our seperate ways when i was about 3 month.... i havent spoken to him much on a personal level or about baby even though we still communticate and he sees our 3 year old every once in a while.... right after i found out i was pregnant (remember it was planned) he had a change of heart and kept telling me to get and abortion... so all this time for  almost he entire 9 months he hasnt been very interested in the pregnancy so i dont say much to him about it... he not much help with the 3yo also he will see him every once ib a whil but doesnt do much else.... so with all that being said... he called me last night and waa telling me how much he loves me and the kids and he knows hasnt done much or been much help but one day that will change (i have not intention and getting back together with him... i have moved on and excepted the fact that i will be a single parent of 2 gorgeous boys) but my question is now all of a sudden he has decided he wants to be in the delivery room when i have this baby... he wasnt even there for the first one... my main support is my mom and thats who i want ib the delivery room... but am i being selfish by not wanting him to see the birth of his son given all the things ive been through with him including him constantly tellin me to abort my baby????? i know i dobt want to be with him but i also try not to keep him away from the kids if he chooses to be around but at tge same time this is a moment i need to be focused and i believe he will only distract me??? ugh i dont know what to do..... help please

[Heatherm4]

I wouldn't let him in. The more tense and agitated you are...the worse your labour is going to go. Plus, the way he's acted and treated you...he doesn't deserve it. Tell him he can wait in the waiting room and see his son afterward. That's what I would do.
Good for you....I can't imagine being a single parent. Don't for a second think that you should feel bad if you don't let him in. You have your support!

[RippedonScotch]

the decision is ultimately yours but I think it would be good for him to be in the room with you.   If you can have a 2nd support person in the room then why not?   He just needs to realize that he is there to support you.  It could really make him open his eyes to the whole thing and make him be a better parent to both of your children.  yeah he missed the first one but at least he wants to be there for the second.

You don't have to be in a relationship with him to have him be an important part of your kids lives.  Seeing the birth of your child is a big thing and I think it would do him.  No matter what he is the father and nothing is going to change that.

[FreshLove]

I don't think he should be in the room. He has not supported you throughout this pregnancy, he made it clear he didn't want this baby, and he's not a good father to your older son-- he doesn't deserve to just waltz in for the "fun" part of seeing his son born. I don't think seeing the miracle of a baby being born is going to change him into a more dependable father or make him want to stay in that child's life. Once the magic of the moment wears off he will be back to his same-old self. ALSO, you are right, you need to be comfortable and focused while in labor so you can have a better labor. It seems like he's they type of guy that changes his mind a lot and you do not want him having mood swings or saying things to upset you while you are in labor. Please be strong and stick to your feelings- don't let him in the room, he can stay in the waiting room.

[mommyinapril202012]

As far as being in the delivery room tell him a day late and a dollar short.  He left you alone for at least 9 months he should have to prove to you for the next 9 months that he is dedicated to his family.  He and other men shouldn't be able to play the daddy card whenever they want.  I hope you have a strong support system for your delivery because your going any day now and keep me posted if you use the castor oil.  Curious to know how it goes.  Congratulations and good luck!

[marajean21]

I've gone through something similar. I decided my bd is not going to be in that room with me bc 1 it wouldn't be fair in my mind for him to miss his first born, but be there for the next 2 since he is so unpredictable and constantly changes his mind, I don't want to get there and find out he's not coming so I'm doing it alone and 3 he hasn't been around to support anything, but my family has so I'd rather have people in that room that's been there for me all along

[cch1029]

I'd rather have people in the room that supported me the whole time rather than people being wishy washy. I don't think it's selfish because he wanted you to kill the precious life growing inside of you. Now all of a sudden he wants to be there when you're very close to your due date. The decision you make is totally up to you.

I'm in a sort of similar situation with my bd. We've been friends for 15 years and we decided to have a planned pregnancy. I've only seen him one time since we have had sex which was almost 7 months ago. We stay in contact but I haven't heard from him in a minute. He wants to be there when I give birth but never went to any of my ultrasounds or anything when I ask for the support.(we live in 2 different cities tho, but still). We get along, but I'm also questioning this matter about the delivery room and the baby taking my last name instead of his. I'm not big on wishy washy ppl.

In the end the decision is totally up to you and whatever you're most comfortable with.

[Lesley27]

Wow you have a tough desition ahead of you... its really sad that he waited till now to step up... it does sound selfish on his part to bring this up this close to your due date. i really honestly do not know what i would do... all these ladies have really good points... its completely up to you, if you say yes he can be in i hope he is truely there for you and is a positive experience and if you say no you have that right and i hope he realizes why and understands and still steps up for support...  

[MamaBear0612]

I think that day is up to you, it's a big thing we have to do, giving birth, and I don't think you should have anybody there who's going to make you uncomfortable. It sounds like your child's father would be that kind of person, and I also agree that he doesn't deserve the right.

I went through that with my child's father really early on, but he's stepped up and been there for me and the baby for several months now. He goes to doctor's appointments with me, he helped me choose her name, he's coming to my baby shower, he put together her crib and baby furniture, he'll give me hugs and make me talk it through when the hormones kick up...and maybe even more important to me, he's excited about her, talks about all the things he's going to do with her and teach her, already threatens her future boyfriends lol. We're not together, haven't been since I was 5 weeks pregnant, but he's worked his way into deserving to be there by showing me through his actions he's ready to be a father...but if he hadn't, I wouldn't have thought twice about barring him from the room.

[kai0912]

well thank you ladies for your input.... now i pretty much know what im going to do....ill let him know he can come down after the birth but he cant be there during... just like someone stated and i was thinking the same thing i dont get to pick and choose when i want to be a mother so he cant pick and choose the days he decides to be a father either.... just still kinda mixed emotions because i know i never wan ro be with or even around him but theres still a little bit of love there because hes given me 2 of the most precious gifts i can ever ask for but sometimes saying i love you just wont cut it anymore and im not seeing any actions...... funny thing is hes 9 years older than me and this will make baby #8 for him so you would think he would have learned something by now.....ugh just ready to see my baby boy and enjoy my 2 angels

[Jennyjoelogan]

Similar thing is happening to me. Im not letting the baby daddy to be in the delivery room he has not been supportive at all during my pregnancy. He can be at the waiting room though. Good Luck During Delivery your almost there dont stress to much with this decision if he wasnt supportive at all dont let him be there and by the way your not been selfish at all.