So Hurting...

[JONAXE]

I am 30 weeks and a few days with my second child another boy. ... The problem I am having is with my first son's dad... My son is 10 and me and his dad has been broken up over 7 years. I am a newlywed.. got married last july... my son has always lived with me... I lived in the same city as his dad... but he always lived with me... 2 years ago I moved to another city 2 hours away because of my husband's job... I knew my sobs dad would be upset not because I moved but because he sees I am moving on... He has 2 older kids (now 19 and 18) and they mainly grew up outside the country as their mom is not stable and he couldn't control them so he sent them to live with his sister as they excel there .. so he's never really lived with his kids... Anyway he came to pick my son up for a weekend visit and came by to drop him off my husband drove me to get my son back and his dad got pissed because I didn't come by myself and started cussing me out the worst way saying I should have come by myself why am I coming with people etc... He drove off with him took him home with him that was in September. . He got him in school I figured OK he's not a bad dad and even though my son will not excel in school as when he's with me or get the TLC he gets from me he will be ok... His dad however doesn't want me to call his phones at all he told me to call the school if I need to find out how he's doing....thanksgiving I went and picked him up at the school for the 4 days and dropped him back at his dad... With the intention to get him again for the 2 weeks Xmas holiday however the teacher told me to call his dad as his dad says no... His dad text me to tell me he has plans he will drop him off the Monday prior to Xmas. . When he get here he's texting me telling me I will only have him for 2 days cuz i had him for thanksgiving. .. then what hurts even more my son telling me he wants to spend Xmas with his dad as he always spend it with me.. His dad drove off again... now i can barely speak to my son as he will not call me he text me now and then vague texts. .. i just asked his dad to have him call me when he can (my son had a phone that he says is lost now and even when he had it I would call him and he would not answer all I got when I do get him are excuses the battery died he forgot it) his dad telling me my son feels he's being replaced (by my new pregnancy) I don't think that's it he is very excited about the baby when he's here ... He even does drawings for the baby etc... but the last time I talked to him he said his dad said something mean about the baby but he wouldn't tell me what... After thanksgiving he begged me to let him stay when I pick him up for Xmas because he regretted leaving... but I spoke to him that after he graduated 5th grade this year he was coming back to live with me .. I didn't want to have him changing schools back and forth.... I know I am gonna have a fight on my hands then... His dad is always trying to hurt me... He claims I am the only woman he's ever loved... yet his girlfriend lives a 2 exits up from me... He comes with her all the time to get my son sometimes she even came by herself. ... I apologies for the length of this I am trying not to stress but I am I can't help it..I have no appetite. .. I am trying to act like everything is okay especially for my husband cuz I don't want the hassle. ... any advice both legal and friendly is appreciated. .I don't know what to do...thanks for your replies /support....I really need help

[AnnieBrooke]

Say your prayers but talk to a lawyer.  Go to a legal clinic run by a law school, they usually charge on a sliding scale.  What your ex is doing (changing the visitation at the last minute) is very hard on your son, though he is probably doing it because he's trying to get at you.  I'd get all the visitations down in a court approved document, which you can then hold him to with authority, if need be.

[JONAXE]

Thank u ladies for ur response and prayers I need it. .. I pray everyday that's why I am so calm about the whole thing... I am trying not to put my son through all that back and forth and trying to be the bigger person about this... but I have faith that God will work it out in the end.... keep me in ur prayers... Thank you God bless

[ntrinaculookin]

I agree w jaceandkhimommy, being that he was showing out I wouldve neva let me son stayed. I went thru something simar w my 2 boys father after we split. He treated me like s**t..& could say the most awful things 2 me..moved on 2 a great man & now prego 31+4..he hates it..but 1 good thing he had no money 2 fight me n court so mine panned out good..Me & my hubby r open we talk about everything..that will relieve some of your stress..Some men r just plain IGNORANT...don't stress!! I know it's hard but pray & I will b praying 4 u 2!!

[jaceandkhimommy]

First off it depends on the state. Secondly the first problem was when he blew up the first time you shpuld have took your son and than set up a court ordered situation because he created that type of environment.  Now its goong to be hard because you let him live there. I pray your situation gets better but you have to start a game plan now because he is play dirty.

[susamor]

Well if your son will start living with you I think things will get better. I hope you get him back. If not, I don't know if you would need to get a court order so that you have main or joint custody...especially since he's not making it easy or possible for you to contact your son. Sorry you're going through this. Try to eat and take care of yourself for your baby's sake as well as your own. Best wishes.