The Gender Neutral Thread

[Alkali13]

I know there are a few other people on here not finding out the baby's gender, but I feel like we are such a minority!  Every day there are multiple "team" pink/blue threads, but I hardly ever see Team I'm Not Finding Out.  I don't want my little girl or boy being surrounded by gender expectations from birth (pink/blue, trucks/dolls, etc.).  I definitely understand the anticipation of knowing the gender, but I don't understand why there is so much importance placed on it.  Our parents most likely didn't even HAVE ultrasounds with us, lol.

I am NOT bashing people for finding out the gender, I just personally don't understand the fascination with designing everything for baby around biological sex.

Discuss.

[NeonPops]

I'm a ftm, and I personally would freaking DIE if I didn't know what I was having. I hated being in that awkward moment of calling him an "It" cause I had no clue, and he started getting too big to be called a belly bean, so. Anyway, yeah I was hoping for a girl, but even if I did get a girl, she was going to be raised by Batman and Star Trek and all those nerdy things anyway. No pink, no frills none of that. When my boyfriend and I found out I was preggy, we both decided on a Batman/Robin theme for the room instantly no matter what. I hate the boy blue and girl pink thing. Why not boy purple, or girl orange? Iunno, gender doesnt matter to me in the ling run, imma love my kid no matter what.

[Alkali13]

It is probably just underarms I'm thinking of them.  I believe that started with an ad campaign from Gillette or Schick or one of those about unsightly underarm hair in the 20s or so.

[elvendork]

i did hear that waxing was done among the french nobility in the 18th century

[knufrio]

Actually all of this started around the time of the civil war. There were so many men who died in the war that women were forced to compete more which in turn led to more drastic measures of trying to appeal to men. As fashions changed and dresses got shorter it became "the in thing" to remove the extra hair to help appear more appealing.

[Alkali13]

It's not surprising at all that something many people consider "normal" is just another gender stereotype created by corporations.  Supposedly, shaving our legs and underarms is the same thing, lol.

[elvendork]

I think they were onto something per 20th century - clothing that was easy to change and bleach
http://jezebel.com/5790638/the-history-of-pink-for-girls-blue-for-boys

so pink/blue just another way for corporations to make money

[knufrio]

My husband and I are finding out however  my rule is, if it's a girl, NO PINK! I'm no completely against it, I just hate when people know you're having a girl and feel like everything you have must be pink. My nursery will be white, beige, gray, and tiffany blue regardless of gender. I find it so funny how people go pink crazy for girls when years ago pink was actually the boy's color (it was the softer form of red, which was thought to be very masculine) and blue was for girls (it symbolized virginity and purity)

[mrs_farris]

I don't want to find out but my husband does, so we will. I gave in because i get to experience the joy of carrying a child and he doesn't.  Our baby is reffered to as our lovebug, and i doubt that will change when we find out the gender. Either way, we will request gender neutral clothing and our nursery will be a soft gray with yellow accents. I don't believe in gendered play, i volunteer in a nursery and all of my babies play with whatever catches their eye.

[Alkali13]

This is true.  I think a large part of my problem is disliking gender stereotypes in general, ha ha.  Some of the people in this thread have made me think that maybe it's possible to find out and still attempt to not gender code your child.  I just think it IS much more likely to happen, and maybe that stems from the mindset of some of the parents who want to know the sex during pregnancy, not every parent who finds out.  I don't think it would change my stance on gender neutrality, but I also don't want to label the child early either.  We aren't gender coding things anyway, so we don't see a point in spoiling the surprise.  =)

[camerinj]

I still think it's not finding out early that makes a parent label their child their little princess/little slugger, etc. if that is the mindset the parent has, they will label their child that way no matter when they find out the biological sex.
I agree that it's nice to talk to a child using their name in utero. I don't think there's anything wrong with getting a wonderful surprise in the waiting room, either. but I think the gender stereotypes are going to be there if the parents hold that in their minds no matter what...

[Alkali13]

It's not that dressing your child in those colors directly changes their perception, it changes the way other people react to them and treat them.  Gender roles are completely defined by culture, not biology, so socializing children to the gender expectations set forth by society begins from the moment they are born.  There are a ton of reasons that children end up acting certain ways (I was a tomboy eventually because I had all male peers I looked up to even though I had "girly" clothes and toys), but there is a certain cue that the public at large reacts to culturally when a girl wears pink and a boy wears blue.

[newjulymommy]

I honestly dont think that dressing babies in blue or pink has any kind of effect on how they will act. My sister( shes 5)  has always been in pink and girly clothes but refuses to play with dolls, not like we force her she hasnt liked them since the beginning, so she plays with her stuffed animals, cars, trains and dragons. So clearly always being dressed "like a girl" didnt have any kind of effect on her. Just like being dressed "like a boy" in all sorts of blues and sports related clothes will have any effect on how i treat my son and what toys or activites he will be in. If he wants to be a ballerina then by golly he can be. But im still not going to dress him in anything other than boy clothes just because people think he should be able to be in both. When he is old enough to choose then by golly he can but in the beginning he will only be in "boy" things.

[Alkali13]

That's such a crazy coincidence!  I wish I had something like that with my partner...  Our friends have a picture of both of them at a wrestling even when they were kids separately, but that's the closest thing I know.

[coachsymons]

My 4 year old is Calvin after my uncle. He died when I was in kindergarten. He was in a car accident and the guy who found him is my husband's dad (who died the year after.) Huge connection we had. :)

[LoriBee]

My son's walls are a minty/lime green. For my shower I did zoo/jungle animals. Now he will eventually move into the bigger room (going to be painted a grey/blue) and my second little one will move into the nursery

[Alkali13]

Here it's all yellow and gray...  I'm searching for green and orange and red.  Certain blues are neutral too, IMO.

[Alkali13]

I literally LOLed at that, I love it.

[lscotto]

We have decided not to find out the sex of our baby and I'm extremely happy about this.. how many real surprises do you get in life? I keep fantasizing about that moment when my husband will say "it's a boy or it's a girl".. it will be amazing.  The only thing that annoys me is the limited choice of clothes in neutral colors - at least here in Australia.  There's only so many onesies in white and blue stripes or stars thatI can buy. Everything else is pink or blue..grrr..

[GeekMom1213]

Hahaha alkali I remember a thread a while back about someone asking whether she should decorate her daughter's room with pink zebra print or pink cheetah print. I replied "neither... she's a baby, her room shouldn't look like a stripper's closet"
The thread stopped dead right then, nobody wanted to try to argue that...

[Alkali13]

Exactly - I read an article earlier pointing that out...  It said something to the effect of seeing disappointment during the anatomy ultrasound when they are told "it's a boy/girl," but NEVER in the delivery room.

[Alkali13]

THANK YOU!  I absolutely agree...  The "Team Pink/Blue" stuff, the adjectives and descriptors people use to describe their unborn children, and I don't even want to get started on SOME of the baby clothes available...

[elvendork]

I've noticed that too! it really does change how everyone thinks about your child. and mom's being disappointed after their gender ultrasound
i can't imagine being disappointed by the gender when you are handed the baby after giving birth!

[Alkali13]

The rooms we were deciding between are bright robin's egg blue and tan, so we went with the tan one, ha ha.  It's the guest bedroom right now anyway, so it beats having to relocate the office.

And Coachsymons, Calvin is one of the names were are leaning towards for a boy (for Calvin and Hobbes).

[GeekMom1213]

Oh I think it absolutely does play into gender stereotypes when people find out early. Not for everyone but definitely for plenty of people it does. How many posts do you see about "my little princess" "my beautiful little girl" "my stubborn little man" dude these mamas are labeling these kids like crazy before they're even born. It creates expectations and judging and labeling what these children will become before the babies have had a chance to contribute anything to the process.