Possible sibling issues..

[Ashlee26]

My son is 5 yrs old, and my fiance has 2 kids that are 6 & 9....he adjusted pretty well from being an only child to being with the other two kids. BUT since we told them all that im pregnant, he has been terrible....being disruptive In school,  lying, fighting, disrespecting me, sassing off, crying temper tantrums over EVERYTHING something as simple as brushing teeth to go to bed, or putting his hat on. His biological father sees him once a month via court order, and is a telephone "dad".... What can I do to get his attitude back to normal??? Im out of ideas

[Ashlee26]

Thank you everyone I plan on combining all the advice and putting it into action. I told him this morning if his behavior would straighten up, we could do a mom and son date. He seemed to respond well to it, but still had some hiccups during the day. I know I cant expect a miracle over night, but he improved.

[AnnieBrooke]

I agree that giving him one-on-one time when he is behaving will help you not feel like you are rewarding him for bad behavior, but please remember that he is acting out, not being a snot.  Acting out is when we simply are hurting inside and what comes out is the manifestation of that.  My nephew told my sister that she ruined his life, when she got pregnant with his little brother.  He really felt that way.  No step siblings in the picture or anything.  If your son (he's only 5!!!! don't hold him to adult standards of behavior when he is in emotional uproar) feels displaced or lost, he's going to act like a displaced, lost 5-year old.  Displaced, lost five-year-olds don't need discipline, they need love and tons of reassurance.  You will still be there.  You will still have a special bond.  You will still have special times together just you and him.  That kind of thing.

I would soft-pedal the "involving in the pregnancy" approach, that works a lot better for girls than boys.  Asking him to rejoice in the upcoming new arrival is like asking you to rejoice if your husband brings in a beautiful and distracting new lady to live in the room down the hall, and then gets annoyed that you are not happy about her advent in the household.

My son is 5, and he doesn't blow up a lot, but when he does, he really blows.  He's emotionally not as primitive as when he was 2, but he is not even as mature as he will be at 7, or 10.  Please keep this in mind when you are reaching deep into your patience stores.  

[jwilliams81]

If you were able to talk to him while he was behaving and ask him if he would like a date with you then you wouldn't be rewarding his bad behavior. I agree don't want to encourage that but need to find something positive to distract him. Do you have an elf on the shelf? Being that its Xmas that may help and then you could try to turn the behavior around

[Mama2B_Again]

Another possibility is that although you have 2 other kids in the picture, he was still the youngest, the "baby". I would try (this worked amazingly for my daughter, who is 6) involving him as much as possible in the pregnancy. Showing him pictures of the baby at your stage of pregnancy, taking him to prenatal appts if possible so he can hear the heartbeat, having him feel your tummy and baby's movements. Most of all, refer to baby as "his baby". I tell my daughter all the time, "Your baby is kicking, your baby is awake, your baby needs a kiss, etc". It really helped her adjust to not being my "baby" anymore and her attitude changed a lot! She is now sooooo happy about the baby coming, and baby gets more love than I do, lol.  He could be lashing out at you because he is scared with a new baby coming you won't love him the same. But if it is his baby too, then he will still be your baby, and the new baby will be yours and his. Sorry so long, and I really hope this helps. :)

[Ashlee26]

I try my best to treat all the kids equally, since the other two dont have a mother in the picture..my son and I have a close bond, but lately his attitude n behavior is so poor, im not sure havin a mom n son date would be a good idea. I dont want him to think that being a snot gets him fun times and special outings.

[AnnieBrooke]

Poor kid.  He has to share with two strange kids, but they are not yours so he can believe that the one special thing he still has is that you love him most.  But now!  A little usurper is coming that will also be yours, and cements your relationship such that the two other kids will be there forever too.  

[jwilliams81]

Only thing I can say is try positive reinforcement and maybe spending one on one time with him. He might just be feeling overwhelmed. My step daughter is 11 and she could care less about me or the baby. I personally don't care anymore! Good luck