step daughter

[kirstlou]

I feel so selfish towards my step daughter im due to have my baby on 19th march my 1st. my husband's ex is due to have an op on april 2nd and has to stay in hospital for 7-10 days my husband cant get any time off work and his ex is threatening that if he doesn't have her she will have to go into care. I feel guilty because I dont want to have her as her behavior at mo is terrible and I will have a newborn. Anyone else think im selfish?

[brooke_13]

I don't know your situation, but if I were in your place I would expect her father to take at least part of the week off and help with both of the kids. You might have a really easy delivery and be ok to handle both, and your step daughter might end up being a big help to you also. But if you are feeling this stressed out about it already I feel like her dad should plan to take a few days off to help you out. Maybe he can work some extra shifts before hand to help offset the missed wages.

[beckyy28]

It's your step daughter. You are being a little unrealistic. If nobody is there to watch after your step daughter you should definitely step up.  My mother in law had twin newborns and a baby 10 months apart, along with a 4 year old. She did it. So can you.

[asmith21488]

Yes shes the other mothers responsivility but is she not the fathers too? So much emphasis on the mother none on him...he should take a few days off to help with both his kids

[Liddie]

You are not being selfish.  It's a lot.   I can't imagine giving birth and dealing with a step daughter who doesn't listen to me at the same time.   You are recovering too.  It's okay to feel the way you do.  This is your first baby.  If you really have no choice, do what you can to make her feel included.   It could really help your relationship with her.  If it doesn't work you know you tried your best.

[laynesmom101]

I've never been in this situation and I don't really know what you should do, although I do not think you are being selfish. Obviously you knew your husband had a daughter when yall got married and this one time, a very special moment for you and exhausting afterwards, you won't be able to do much. I just wanted to say, don't worry about all the rude comments on here and when the time comes you will know what to do and know what's best. It will all be okay.. Just don't pay attention to all of the negative. I wish the best for you and your baby.;-)

[Sophiajojo]

I think its selfish for a mother to put their child onto a woman whos just given birth and the dad wont even be there! I wouldnt let my daughter as its not fair on the daughter either. Hes going to be at work! Why would I out my daughter onto a woman who has just given birth I would worry my daughter wouldnt be getting looked after as the woman has just given birth. Its a MASSIVE exhausting experience.  Dont listen to people judging you their judging the wrong people

[SuperBatSpider]

Sorry you married a man with a child. I totally think you are being selfish.  What if the shoe was on the other foot?

[edensinterstate]

I can tell you from recent experience that you are not being selfish. I gave birth to my second two weeks ago and i have a 5 year old. It's not easy and line i said it's my second. If this It's your first outs going to be an even bigger adjustment. You should not have to take care of her right after giving birth. Women's emotions and hormones don't start to go back to normal for like 2 weeks after birth and i can't imagine taking on a situation like that. Either your husband takes off or its a no go. Women on here saying you're selfish forget What it's like right after birth. I'm going through it now and please don't do that to yourself especially since this is your first.

[Sophiajojo]

I have a 9 year old dsughter who is hard work at the moment. And if her dad were having another baby and was working around the time his baby would be born I would not put that onto another woman. Its different if he was there...but your partner cant expect you tolook after his child when you have just given birth. And its your first. If you do have her you may be suprised and she may help out...but dont feel guilty for feeling this way. Its not like your saying you dont want her round...its the fact that you would have just had a baby. I know when my baby is due in may I am going to need a hell of alot of support from my partner and my mum to help with my 9 year old.  When I had my daughter I lost a fair bit of blood so could hardly walk. So I dont understand why she wants or expects you to take her on knowing her father wont be there. Anyway dont listen to be people judging you this site is not for all that..your obviously just stressed and worried. If you do have her you will have to make her aware of how tired you are going to be etc and that she will have to behave. Tell her she can help with cuddles..changing the baby etc as she may feel left out. My daughter does. And when your partner gets home he will have to take over so you can rest. Goodluck :)

[Jaja65]

I dont think it's selfish you need to take it easy after delivery if nothing else. A newborn is alot by themselves, then recovering too, and then having to worry about another child too....yeah that's a bit much. Can you not go stay with family during recovery and use that as your excuse? I personally would rather do that than have to take care of 2 young children all alone straight home from the delivery. I think your worried not selfish and you should be because that's alot to take on especially when the mother is just trying to be difficult. Plus you need time to bond with baby and it's your first!

[thepenguinsrock]

What happens if the baby is late and has only been born a couple of days or something? Or if you had a section surely you can't be expected to do it still? I don't think the mums being fair as new mums need rest and there's a lot of reasons why you may not be able to look after her child, she needs to make other arrangements or cancel her plans as it is at the end of the day her child and she should put her 1st :)

[kirstlou]

There is no1 else. My mother in law n father in law work. We will figure something my step daughters mum is so jealous and its nothing new for us

[KristiGG]

The mother just sounds like she is trying to take a special moment from them bc she is jealous.  But that is an idea...are you close to your MIL...could she stay with you and take care of her granddaughter while calling her out if she mistreat you?
And pls ignore any mean and/or judgemental comments. None of us know the whole situation so ppl fill in the blanks on their own and dont think about how they dont know and have never been in the situation.

[rainfamily16]

Is there really no one else??? No grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends no one??? I think most people forget what its like right after and for the first month after having a new baby!!! Your sore,tired, tons of emotions, the bonding and trying to get used to a new routine!! Even mothers who have children already have someone come stay with them to help out for the first couple weeks after baby is born!!! I don't care what anyone else says I don't think this should just be dumped all on you I mean yes your the step mom but because you'll have just had a baby and recovering yourself then being step mom is besides the point!! I really don't believe this lady had no other family or friends that can help her, she should ask someone else!!!!!

[kbbaby]

I am  33 weeks with baby number 1 n I too have a step daughter who a terrible 3 n I sometimes feel likeshe is goingbto be a hand full when the baby comes but then I watvh hervwith other babies n  she seem realy to care n her mom also has another bsby who is younger so she has the big sister role down but I did stress to my babys father that when the new bsby comes she has to go with her mom for a while cuz I dnt know if I can deal with it but her mom is unreliable n never in place so I may hs ve too still deal but he v works night shif t so il only b alone at night n the 3 year old sleeps most of the time so n my opinion maybev yu guys can worj something out and compromise n hechas to teach the child that yu are apart of their life n she has to obey or its always goba be complicated

[tessietemores]

I am 31 weeks. I have a step son that recently came to live with my husband and I due to mother being on drugs. He has add and adhd. I get stressed everyday cause im constantly getting calls from the school due to his behavior.  My husband works alot so most of it is left to me plus my 3 other sons. I to feel a little selfish, cause I seem to get more annoyed with him. I love him as my own son, but that doesnt take away the aggravation that I feel. I will give birth to my 1st daughter in 8 weeks ecactly and not sure I can handle it!! I could use some help!! Of course my husband thinks he does no wrong! So I know ecactly how u feel. Id say let her stay( shouldnt be to bad since its onlt temporary) just lay down the law and let them know u hve alot on u! Good luck to u!!

[kirstlou]

Wish I never posted on here now. People dont no the half of it. Its down to me as a step mum I no that but when her mother is threatening to leave and us never see the child makes it harder. Anyone no how to delete posts please

[asmith21488]

Yes thats selfish. If you knew he hsd a kid ahead of time you should have realized you will be second fiddle. Yes youll have a baby but shell always be around so youll need to get used to it.

[k2a2e1]

I don't think you're being selfish at all. It's hard to deal with someone else's child especially when they don't respect you. Maybe he can see if his parents or her moms parents or fam could take on the responsibility while her mom is recovering because you will be recovering too. If he is not even going to be around to deal with her then other arrangements should be made. Yes you are her step mom but you are going to be dealing with issues yourself and I don't think it should be your responsibility to have to deal with taking care of her when her own father won't be able to give her his time.

[SaSa28]

Its rather sad how we are talking of a child. Trust you have no idea about bad behaviour from a child until you deal with one with disablities. Even at that as a parent your job is to help them to get better.  Sorry love you are being selfish and over a child. Its sad really.  If you need help with her behaviours. Then go take some classes. Please understand, I get the new baby concerns,  however as being a parent even a step parent that means you have other children to worry about, not just the baby and your self. I have a child with sever disabilties and behavioral disabilities as well. Im now having my 4th baby and its a joy to have my whole family together after we get out of the hospital.  Try having your step daughter  give a hand with the baby. You may be surprised

[mitch_14]

Sadly you have entered into a relationship which also makes you a stepmom there for she is part your resposibility. She has to be treated like family and made to feel like family no matter how bad she Is or it will only get worse for everyone. You don't want her her mom her dad to end up resenting you for putting up barriers between her and her dad or sibbling. She will be your child's half sister...

[Three_n_1onTheWay]

Not at all. You need to take care of you and the new baby. I go through the same thing, every summer. She usually gets sent home early, because she can't behave herself. Last summer, my grandmother died while she was here, and she was a total ***. My kids and I were mourning, and she got whatever she wanted. Needless to say, I left until she was gone. This year, I will have just had my baby, via csection, so, she better watch herself. I wish you luck. Maybe she'll show some compassion. How old is she?

[KristiGG]

I agree you probably do need to still let her over.  Otherwise her behavior towards you will just get worse as she will even more feel you are taking her dad from her.  Maybe you can get some activities for her to do when she is there.  And even during her stay during ur husbands pat leave he can start explaining to her how that week will go and he can plan some things for her to do that week.  Also when he gets home from work that week maybe you should suggest they have a half hour or more just the two of them.  I think your step daughter will appreciate that.  Her mom might be a big part of the problem of y she is bad towards you.  Dont prove her mom rightm. Be the bigger and understanding person.  Just my opinion but I have never been in such a position.

[jaceandkhimommy]

I think you should get her even though you dont want to I understand completely where you are coming from but you have to be the bigger person and lay down ground rules and tell your husband if she cannot abide by them than she will have to have other arrangements made because of your situation and having a new born stress and disobedience is something you dont need.