Aa
so confussed abot father in law
So I wrote on here a while ago that my father in law came over to my house and demanded to take my daughter with him while he got a hair cut and when I told him no cause no one would be watching her while he did and she had to go down for a nap early that day cause I worked. He then threatened me saying if I didn't let him take her that he wasn't going to look after the kids for me that night so I could go to work so I told him fine then don't. I had to call in for work and I had to make other arrangements now cause he totally screwed me over. Now I don't even want him seeing my kids cause if he that immature to threaten me and take my 3 yr old somewhere were she won't be watched then how can I trust him. This happened about 2-3 wks ago and he hasn't apologized and we havnt talked since and Sunday we went their being forced by hubby and he ignored me the whole time and I felt so uncomfortable being there. In a perfect world I would cut him off completely but my daughter loves him. I want to cut him off but doing so would hurt my daughter but if I don't then it makes what he did ok. I just really hate this man for putting me in this situation and he thinks he can do and go anywhere with my daughter and doesn't respect me enough to listen to me, I have no idea what to do but im The mean time im cutting him off. Oh I forgot to mention that I was lucky enough to find someone to look after the kids for my on Tuesday and if I didn't then I would have had to quite. My boss wasn't til happy I had to call in either that day, Srry so long vent over
Thnx guys, this situation is stressing me out and he already knows where im delivering cause there family is really nosy. My husbands family comes from a Lebanese family and they are a very close net family which would be great if my fil wasn't such a control freak. There family just shows up at eachothers houses but I have told him many times I don't like that. I don't know where he got the idea that he over rides me. It was so sad cause while I was telling him he couldn't take her, he was telling my 3 yr old to go put her shoes on putting her in the middle. Poor little thing was so confussed. It's sad cause my parents live so far and I want to beable to trust her with him but he never listens to a word I say and my mil has to suffer too cause of her husband. My husband is stick in the middle and I really don't think he knows what to do cause the way he grew up was that his mom did everything for him resulting in a boy who doesn't know how to do anything himself so his parents don't take him seriously. They use his dads health problems against him and it pisses me off. He has always tried to call the shots but im done with it arrrg this situation is ridiculous.
First dont ever let a man weather he's your FIL or not demand somthing of you especially when dealing with your children. NO SIR! Im glad you put your foot down on that.. It strikes me as strange that he came over demanding that you allow her to go with him .Why? was there and argument leading up to this event? to me it seemed he had other plans for her he didnt want to tell you about. Momma you are not going to hurt your baby girl.in anyway. going with your gut is always best. What kind of message is he sending her anyway? loves baby but treats mommy with little respect? especially for nor apprant reason? one day she will be old enough to realize whats going on. Let him know that you hold the cards and he will have to play by your rules. dont allow him to jerk u around. stay strong.mama!
It makes me so mad that people can't at like civil human beings... I have dealt with very similar issues with my inlaws. My husband's attitude towards them was different than yours seems to be and I think that's been the key to our success.
One last thing, unless you want him on the delivery with you when you deliver, do not share where you will be delivering at (unless it's too late for that) and do not call them or anyone who would tell them when you go into labor. Only call when you are ready for a visit. If husband decides to call anyway, make your nurses your advocates and let every one of them know very clearly that your father in law is not to be allowed into your room unless you ask for him. If you don't stick up for yourself, nobody will.
One last thing, unless you want him on the delivery with you when you deliver, do not share where you will be delivering at (unless it's too late for that) and do not call them or anyone who would tell them when you go into labor. Only call when you are ready for a visit. If husband decides to call anyway, make your nurses your advocates and let every one of them know very clearly that your father in law is not to be allowed into your room unless you ask for him. If you don't stick up for yourself, nobody will.
Yes I totally agree and what makes it harder is that he is going to have surgery Thursday for his veins or something and I know he is going to try to use it to his advantage. I do like my mother in law tho so I feel gilty for keeping the kids away from her too but it's something I have to do. I never even thought of it in a way where my kids see him doing it to me and think it's ok cause it's not. It ***** that we have all this drama cause im 31 wks pregnant and it would be nice to be drama free.
Also, if he doesn't call before visiting, so NOT answer your door for him. He isn't entitled to enter your home whenever he pleases. Use your door lock, don't cave in. He will take the hint that he is unwelcome in your home when he doesn't make arrangements first.
It's not really a good idea to sit and chat together about your issues unless you and your husband are on the same page. Your problem isn't with your father in law, your problem is with your husband. Your husband allows his father to treat you poorly, then 'rewards' him by letting him see the kids. See a marriage counselor to help smooth things out with your husband before you tackle the father in law issues. In the mean time, I would advise you keep the children away from him as well and do not ask him to babysit at all. If he has no respect for you, what are his actions teaching your children? How will they treat you after seeing you so disrespected?
Hope that made sence but I have told him many time to 1) call before coming over cause im not always dressed properly and 2) he can't take her on the 2 days I work during the wk cause naps and lunch is early
Thats a really tough situation. I too have problems with the in laws. We always got alng great until we started having kids. I learned really quick that it was their way or the higjway. I have to pick and choose my battles now or we would never get along. There are some issues u should never let them win and I agree with u putting your foot down. Maybe u can have your hubby arrange a day for all of u to sit down and u can tell your father in law how you are feeling. Maybe once he realizes it coulf affect him and his grandkids maybe he will realize he needs to be more respectful to your wishes whether he agrees or not. I wish you the best of luck! Dealing with in laws can be very trying at times:)
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