my latest update since my mc

[waitn838]

as many of you ladies know i went into preterm labor and had a mc at 18 weeks...not only did i lose my baby boy but i almost lost my own life from all the blood i lost...it was a horrific tragedy and im still coping with my loss

as of today im waiting for my HCG to return to 0...on march 13 it was 59, march 20 it was 11 so im thinking it might be 0 by now or really really close but im confident for sure by the end of the week it will be 0...so from here i wait for my first AF arrival...i have no idea what to expect or when to expect but im waiting for it

my next appt at my doc is april 3 and im not sure what to expect at that appt...so im sure ill have more updates once i have that appt...i think we are going to discuss the testing i will undergo once i have my first cycle and what to expect

i know i will be having a HSG done to check my uterus for malformities and bloodwork done to check for blood diseases...thats as far as i know for now

im taking this one day at a time...its really all i can do...i must say this tragedgy has made me realize a lot of things...one of them is im thankful for so much in my life including the little things that some people take for granted...im working on learning patience but its really hard me...i want to get back on the TTC boat again but i dont want to risk another 2nd trimester mc

my bf has been a tremendous strong and sturdy rock and even though i questioned our relationship some times i learned that he really does love me and im thankful to have him in my life...

im thankful for all the women on here that listen to me daily and offer words of strength, courage, share their stories and the women who are going through what i am going through...you all made me realize im not alone

im getting better but i know its going to take a lot of time to get through...there are days im happy all day and days i just want to cry all day...some days its easier to laugh then others...but with the support on here and at home im getting through this

and im truly thankful for each and every one of you that has helped me

im looking forward to TTC again but i have to also wait until my bf and i feel emotionally ready again...which might take longer and it might not...only time will tell

[waitn838]

zanes_mommy -- i can def relate to you and im not sure if my bf will be ready again becuz right now he's scared out of his mind...ive decided to try and not bring it up again until im done with my testing and i can reassure him with something...best of luck to you

stay in touch


jelenaM -- i am def learning patience....it starts with focusing on things one day at a time and focusing on the smaller things...i was always so quick to rush to the big thing that i didnt notice all the small ones around me

im still learning for this and i am praying that when my bf are ready to TTC again it happens quickly for us but i have a little while til im there

[JelenaM]

I am sorry for what has happened to you.
I just can't comprehed why these things are allowed to happen.
Two weeks ago, my friend lost her baby at 22 weeks, and it was a terrible ordeal for her. I too had a incomplete miscarriage last week at 9 weeks. It's not the same when you lose the fetus so early, and when you lose the baby. I wasn't attached to that thing inside me (I call it thing, cause it wasn't yet a being). So, I am just grateful that to me this has happened in the early stages.

You said a really good thing, that we are stronger because of suche experiences. That's how I cope.
But like you, I am also impatient to start TTC again. But there's nothing really I can do other than wait. And I recommend that you too use this experience to learn how to be more patient.

All the best to you.

[Zanes_Mommy]

I'm so sorry you had to go thru this.  I know exactly how you feel.  I lost my son in Dec. at 23.5 weeks and I'm still having good and bad days.  This site has really helped me too.  I don't think this is something that any of us can just "get over".  Though I do believe that some ppl in my life feel that way.  It helps me too,  to know that I am not alone, but I hate that this happens to so many other women.  Especially those of us that want our babies sooo bad.  I always try to tell myself that there is a reason for everything, ya know, all the usual stuff we tell ourselves...but it still doesn't take away the pain.  I'm trying to make this positive though.  I'm starting a scrap book of all my u/s pics and all the pics we took of Zane after he died.  And I'm thinking of doing foster care for infants, bc my dh doesn't want to try again.  I guess he's scared.  You have a good motto: one day at a time.  Thats all anyone can ask of you.  I would say "don't worry, be happy"...but I know how terribly difficult that can be.  Just know that we're here for you...and lots of   HUGS to you!

[waitn838]

you are right about the tragedy bringing us closer together...it is def happening...im not sure when he will want to try again and im scared to even bring it up so i dont...i focus on the testing i have coming up and then ill let him know when the doc tells me its ok for us to try again...maybe by then he'll be ready

im so sorry about your loss...regardless of when the loss happens its a loss and is tough to deal with and cope with

but we are women and we get stronger and learn how to keep moving

[LoandTansMom24]

OMG! I am soo sorry for your lost. I know somewhat how u feel. When I was 19, I got pregnant w/ my 1st baby...a boy. When I was 23 wks, they discovered thru u/s that he had a very serious congenital heart defect. The dr. tried to get me to terminate the pregnancy @ that point, but we jus couldn't do that b/c we knew he would not even have a chance to survive. So, I carried him to term and he was born May 23, 2003. 3 hrs after he was born, he died. That was the hardest day in my entire life. I just want u to know that every day does get a lil easier. That's been almost 5 yrs ago and there are still some days that I think about my lil boy and I just cry & cry. I have had 2 healthy boys since then and then I m/c in Nov. 07. Just found out 4 days ago that I preggo again and it scares me to death b/c I am afraid something will happen to this one too. My husband & i weren't married @ the time we had our 1st baby and having to deal w/ such a tragedy as losing our child brought us so much closer 2gether. Sounds like your boyfriend maybe like mine...so keep your head up. Things WILL get better and I wish you all the happiness in the world!

[waitn838]

evthing4reason -- i hope you have a great trip and i think you and i will be TTC around the same time...i think i have at least another 2-3 months before i can start again...but who knows :)

i will be a nervous wreck the entire next preg unitl im about 30 weeks i think...then if the baby is born or this happens again i know it will have a better chance at survival

laznacko -- ive missed you ladies as well...my emotions are on a roller coaster and i dont think the roller coaster will ever stop i just have to try and enjoy the ride

nadia77 -- ill update after my next appt...hopefully it will give me something or somewhere to put my focus on and help pass the time quicker

[Nadia77]

hope you all the best at your next dr appointment. I am sure once you get pregnant again you will feel the hope again and your loss will be part of your past.. I had a miscarriage in 2006, was terrified to try again, and constantly thought about my loss... now that i am pregnant I look at it as a sad experience like my other ones and hop full that I will have a healthy baby this year... that wasn't meant to be!

[laznacko]

We missed you waitn838. Most important is that you have your boyfriend and his support. You should know that you need time for your recovery. And it`s normal to cry. I`m pregnant for the third time and sometimes I cry for my little boy wich I lost at 15 weeks (second miscarr.). Wish you good tests result and BFP soon.

[evthing4reason]

I'm glad that you've dedieded to wait to start ttc, hopefully it won't be too long. As you know I'm a couple weeks ahead you in this struggle, it does get a bit easier each day buy I still have those days that all I can do is cry. we are going on a trip to the domican in a few weeks, it has really given us something to look forward to, to concentrate on. The thing that will be the hardest when we do get pregnant is even once we're past the 1st trimester we won't be able to relax and most people won't understand that, I find people really don't understand the difference between miscarrying in 1st tri vs @18 weeks (19 for me)...it's definatly not the same thing. Somedays now already i think we're ready to ttc (but we're waiting till june maybe may) but can I cope with the stress I will be under when i get pregnant? Probably not yet

[waitn838]

thanks for following my story with me...im optimistic that my time will come...i just have to learn patience and enjoy everything as it is

please keep in touch...even if its by pm

[swade]

I have followed all your posts, and I cried with you all along the way.  Now you have made me cry again just from your sincerity..  But it is a good cry, I know someday it will all work out for you.  And I have to be reminded everyday myself that all things happen for a reason.   So take one day at a time, and yes remember to enjoy all the things in life, little or big gifts.  Remember to give big, and get a huge return.. Good Luck waitn838, my time is almost up here in this community, so I will be checking back to see how you are from time to time.. But God bless, and keep that chin up..

[waitn838]

speakyourmind -- thank you

adawning4 -- once i get my first AF arrival i got a feeling things will start to pick up...i wonder if my doc will schedule my HSG after my first AF or wait until i get my 2nd...i cant wait til my post announcing i can TTC again but i got some time til that happens

[adawning4]

I am very sorry for everything! I hope that they can help you to carry your baby! I am happy for you that your boyfriend has been with you and helped you through everything!   I hope that you find out good news and you get to start trying as soon as you are ready!

[SPEAKYOURMIND]

YOU ARE A VERY STRONG WOMAN AND I PRAY YOU FIND HAPPINESS

[waitn838]

thank you....one day at a time...thats all i can do

[Skylynns_mom]

All i can say is that i am very sorry for what you have been going through and I really hope that if they find a reason as to why this happened that its fixable and that you get to have your baby sometime in the near future.