Aa
Dealing with BD
Anyone else having issues dealing with BD? I decided that i wanted my baby to have my last name, or even hyphenate the name so it has both of our last names. (We arent married and idk if we will survive living together) and he FLIPPED OUT. since then hes refused to tell me he loves me and im trying to remind myself that he does and hes just mad. Anyone else having problems?:/
In Texas where I am, it has nothing to do with whether or not the baby has his last name. I could give her any last name I chose; what establishes paternity and gives him rights (and allows me to file for child support btw) is a separate "Acknowledgement of Paternity" document he has to sign before he can even be put on the birth certificate. Unless he signs it, he has no rights at all in a legal sense.
Check your state laws but he should still have full paternity rights in the States if he is on the birth certificate, regardless of whose last name the child is given. Think about it: Peakaboo Street (famous skier) has a last name that is neither her mother's or father's but she is not estranged from them.
My little girls middle name is my maiden name but my maiden name could also be a first name.
I'm hyphenating my little girl's name. Her dad called me one day and asked if the baby would have my name or his, when I told him mine he flipped, so this was my compromise. We're not together but he's been pretty supportive and I think he'll be a wonderful, active father or I wouldn't have bothered. I put it to him this way, either it's my name or it's our names hyphenated, just his name wasn't an option, and if that's what he wanted he could marry me. He chose the hyphenation lol, and has since settled into it.
I think it helped that I offered to put his last name last, so technically his last name is the last name, though she'll be going by both names. I kinda like it, feels more like we're doing it as a team, and since we are different races/ethnicities, it means no one will question that she's either one of ours. As I told him, I'm visibly Mexican and no way was I going to pick up a half-black child named Smith (I made that up, but it's a really common name) from daycare, or going past airport security with her.
I think it helped that I offered to put his last name last, so technically his last name is the last name, though she'll be going by both names. I kinda like it, feels more like we're doing it as a team, and since we are different races/ethnicities, it means no one will question that she's either one of ours. As I told him, I'm visibly Mexican and no way was I going to pick up a half-black child named Smith (I made that up, but it's a really common name) from daycare, or going past airport security with her.
Well hes been very supportive and i think he will be a good father, its just that i think it would be better to have my baby have my last name, at least until marriage. His mother is the one who suggested the hyphenated thing. But the way hes acting lately over this is really making me wonder if i should put his last name in there at all...
If you are not married, the last name of the baby is your choice and no one else's, and there is not much anyone can do about it except "flip out." You can take this advice or not, but if you don't think your relationship is stable and won't last, give the baby your last name. By giving the baby his last name, you and he proclaim he is the natural father by law, and he is recognized by law as such. That means he has 50% legal rights unless he gives you full physical and legal custody, but chances are, he will want joint custody, in which case, whether you are together or not, or ever agree on raising children one way or another, he has a say, and he has visitation rights for extended periods of whatever times a court appoints for him if you all can't agree on something on your own. This also means he is obligated by law to pay child support.
If you do not put his name on the birth certificate as the father or give the baby his last name, he has to subopena you for a paternity test if he cares to have paternal rights established. That will cost him money and set him up for paying child support and getting court appointed visitation rights.
It's your choice, and you can look at it as: do you trust him to be a father and fulfill his paternal responsibilities consistently, whether you are together or not, or does he seem the kind of guy who will bail out and/or make your life a chaotic mess if you attempt to raise a child with him?
Been there, done it. My first son was born out of wedlock, and I did not list his father on the birth certificate and I gave him my last name. His father took the measures to establish his paternity. He now pays child support and has legal visitation rights--but he is rarely a part of our son's life and hasn't been since he was 2½ years old (he 7½ now) and pays next to nothing in child support. Once he established his paternity, the court in my state changed my son's last name to his father's last name. Apparently, I was somehow unlucky enough to have that happen, because everyone else who has had a similar situation to mine got to keep their child's last name established as the mother's last name and it wasn't changed to the father's last name--he was simply given his paternal rights. So...I guess I got screwed there somehow, but there are worse things in life, so it's not too big of a deal.
If you do not put his name on the birth certificate as the father or give the baby his last name, he has to subopena you for a paternity test if he cares to have paternal rights established. That will cost him money and set him up for paying child support and getting court appointed visitation rights.
It's your choice, and you can look at it as: do you trust him to be a father and fulfill his paternal responsibilities consistently, whether you are together or not, or does he seem the kind of guy who will bail out and/or make your life a chaotic mess if you attempt to raise a child with him?
Been there, done it. My first son was born out of wedlock, and I did not list his father on the birth certificate and I gave him my last name. His father took the measures to establish his paternity. He now pays child support and has legal visitation rights--but he is rarely a part of our son's life and hasn't been since he was 2½ years old (he 7½ now) and pays next to nothing in child support. Once he established his paternity, the court in my state changed my son's last name to his father's last name. Apparently, I was somehow unlucky enough to have that happen, because everyone else who has had a similar situation to mine got to keep their child's last name established as the mother's last name and it wasn't changed to the father's last name--he was simply given his paternal rights. So...I guess I got screwed there somehow, but there are worse things in life, so it's not too big of a deal.
Im putting my last name to my baby whe he arrives. The BD is not supportive at all he hasnt bought the baby anything so my family and parents are the ones helping me out with baby stuff.
I put my first borns last name with a hyphen and I regret it. Her name is too long and it's so confusing. If he is being such a douche about it then maybe he doesnt deserve his last name on that baby. It caused problems with me to have the hyphen even after it was set so I wouldn't do it again. With this baby that's due in October it will only have his last name
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