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Avatar universal

Delivery room anxiety

I'm hoping some of you who may have read and remember my original post are reading this. But for those who don't know...long story short...my bf and I broke up 3 months into my pregnancy on mutual terms, I stopped hearing from him, and since then have found out that he has been married for the last 7 years, and has since gotten another woman pregnant. She's due in march. I haven't spoken with him since it all came to light a little over a month ago. He called me Friday an I ignored his call. I'm only 3 weeks from my due date and I'd rather just get through these last few weeks and get my baby here safely and not talk to him until I absolutely have to. Today he sent a text saying he wants to be there for her birth. I'm not at all comfortable with him being there. I feel like he lost that right the moment he knocked up someone else and was able to hold her hand through it but couldn't be bothered to even call and see how I'm doing. Im afraid to talk to him because even though I don't want him there and I'm strong enough to say no it will still be really hard for me. Do you think I'm justified in just continuing to ignore him or should I respond to his text and tell him I don't want him there?
11 Responses
Avatar universal
I do not blame you. Maybe shoot him a text saying your not okay with him being in the delivery room but you will let him know when baby is here.
4368956 tn?1357409671
This man is crazy! Im so sorry your dealing with that crap. Personaly I would not call his butt at all until after the baby is born and your more comfortable that way your not on a emotional rollercoaster ride while your baby is being born. You can also be around people who surport you instead instead of a jerk. The onlu reason I even say after is so his *** can sign the birth certificate and you can get child support. I would just tell him it was extremly fast and you couldnt call. Then I would take every dime I could from him he needs to be taught a lesson. Good luck you deserve way better and your baby.
4402502 tn?1355346265
Omg, do not listen to searra, that is a terrible idea unless you want to give him the ways to screw you in court. If you don't want him to be apart of your baby's life you need to go to child custody court and explain to them that he hasn't been apart of the pregnancy and they will probably LEGALLY take his rights away to see the child. Until you go through court, anything you do to keep him from the baby will only hurt your case because you will be seen as uncooperative. I recommend telling him you would rather not have him at the delivery but he can see the baby when its born. I also recommend you file in court asap, especially before the baby is born. You honestly should have done it already. Good luck and don't keep the baby from its father until the courts make a decision.
4368956 tn?1357409671
It is extremly hard for a women to get help from child support if there is no signed documentation. Unless she nos aton of info about him.
4402502 tn?1355346265
Did I say not to get the birth certificate signed? No I said let the father have his rights until the court makes a decision on custody.
1194973 tn?1385507504
There's little point to him having rights if he hasn't been there - he likely won't want them. A child doesn't need both parents to grow into a decent adult, and if he's been worthless (I am not familiar with how he is) its not someone who needs to be involved with a child. However, the choice would be yours alone. Arguing or saying someone else's ideas are terrible wont help anything.
4368956 tn?1357409671
No body mentioned dont let him see his kid! Maybe u should read it again. I just said to get it signed for her security and ummm yeah let him see the baby if hes there. I never mentioned not to ever let him see the child I agree the baby needs a dad.
4165941 tn?1353992228
I say keep it simple, you don't want him there then he doesn't have to be there. As far as the court system goes, what text? He hasn't been there nd as far as you know he didn't want to be there. Don't respond if you don't want him to be there or have any ammo against you. Simple as that. If anything let him know afterwards. So if you want to take legal action let the record show he wanted no part in the childs life but you still presented him the opportunity. But girl don't listen to nobody on here, lol you know all the details nd what you really feel. Do what you feel is best for you nd baby (:
Avatar universal
I know how you feel with him just leaving you high and dry.  I would text him stating you are not comfortable and will let him know when baby gets here and if you feel safe for him to be there you will let him know.  It is all up to you.  You know him better than we do so your judgement might be better.  I would talk to family members and close friends about the situation.  Because as an outsider we only see he is a pos for leaving you the way he did.   Best of luck Hun.  
3979644 tn?1354442046
i cant kind of relate my daughters father left me for someone else when i was about 4 months he kept trying to get back in my life once just before my baby was born though i didnt let him be there when i was in labor it just wouldnt have worked you dont want anything that can stress you then you could end up just yelling at him coz your not thinking properly and that can make things work but so i let him see her a day or two after my little one was born (he came with the girl he left me for) and the a$$ had the nerve to tell me that his new gf was 3 months preg... its was like omg i just had your baby and **** and this is what you say to me... it was hell expesially coz if was in the first few days after birth were your hormons are everywhere. i tryed to take cheney (my daughter) to see him as much as i could, like id take a 30-45min bus trip with a new born a few weeks after a csecrtion just so he could see his daughter yet he had no interest in it just wanted to try to get back with me though he was still with that other girl...omg it went on and on like that for a year and a bit once i did end up geting back together with him but it never worked i couldnt trust him ends up his back with the other girl and has two kids with her now doesnt want anything to do with my daughter its horrible but at least now ive finally found a nice guy and 34 weeks with his child and we got married a few months ago and he is the best thing for my daughter love her like his own.

sorry i know thats long lol well my point is you can try as much as you can sometimes and he may just always be an a$$ but hopefully your babies father isnt that bad..lol
oh and ive been trying to get child support from him but he is trying to aviod it only got it like twice this year so just remember you cant always rely on them..

good luck hope it works out better for you though
Avatar universal
Thanks for your input ladies. :) The whole situation is a real mess. Im very concerned about his mental stability. I think some of his behaviors are very deranged. Eventually I do intend on collecting child support from him. At this point though I'm more concerned about my daughter's safety than getting his money. I was kind of expecting that at the last minute he would want to be there for her birth so I've been preparing myself for it. I'm trying to keep it as civil as possible. There really is no telling what he will do. I just don't want to talk to him. I know I'll have to at some point but I'd rather just gettin baby here first and bring her home and have some time to adjust before I talk to him again. I just don't know if it's best to keep ignoring him until after the baby is here or if I should tell him he can't be there. I'm afraid if I talk to him I'll crack.
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