My friend is unexpected pregnant, and upset because I have been trying

[renee82]

For like the last month my friend (more like sister 28 yr old) has been really sick like she has had the flu the whole month, and than she came to me and said she got sick at work and she has been telling me all the symptoms, and to my it was obvious  well to me, so I asked her if she wanted to take a test and it came out BFP. She starts freaking out  and shaking it and say s"dang it, it didnt change" LOL ,she was upset for me  it was so unexpected and here I have tried and just lost a baby in Sep. She started to apologize to me and than she was like this is not happening (DENIAL i told her) but I told her no worries, I was happy for her. Her and her man have been together for a long time but just have never gotten married yet. And thats what she is more worried about. She doesnt want to be forced to get married now that she is preggo. But anyways she came over last night and we got to talking and I think she has finally come to terms with it. She had this thought "if I forget about it, it will just go away" HEHE I am so not upset at all. My thought are that I can help my friend through something she has no clue about and I get to be around for everything, and than I thought well maybe it will be a distraction for me and not a reminder. Look to the positive. So now my friend told me is she could hand over this pregnancy to me she would (like a surrogate) because her sickness feels really bad (it just abnormal to her) so her other thought is to breath as much of her preggo germs on me as she can (she tells my girls she has a really bad cold, keep it a secret right now) Well that all good for me I will take all that I can get. I keep telling her that she shouldnt be ashamed, embarrassed or anything, But I assured her that I was here I and I am going to help her through it. So now she is rushing for me to get preggo so we can do it together LOL

[renee82]

illsurvive: Keep your head up it will happen. I know what you mean though when I had baby 1 it was a surpirse and baby 2 took 14 months to concive 12 of those months were trying and expecting and than 2 months later after I managed to not think about it than it happen but now its been 2 1/2 yrs and actually I did get preggo in Sep 10 but it was ectopic and than thing started to fall into place why I had ectopic but now cycle are back on track but I can only concive everyother month due to no tube on right side. But good luck to you SSBD.

AnnieBrooke: Last night my freind came bak to me and said "well its really confirmed" she took 7 prenacie tests at one time and they all came out BFP. and all I could do was laugh at her and tell her I told you so LOL. But I took her to Babies R Us and was going through everything and showing her that I was ok with it and that I was so excited for her. The first test she took last week was from my stash and so last night she gave me one back and I told her that was going to be the luck one coming the preggo herself. She so wants me to be preggo with her so she tells my DH "hurry take her to bed lets get this done" she is such a big coacher for me now.

[JoyRenee]

I would just be straight with her and say, "I AM happy for you. You don't need to walk on eggshells around me." It sounds like she wants to be excited but is so worried about hurting you. If she knows you're fine she may be more accepting of what her body is going through. And assure her that a pregnancy doesn't automatically mean a waltz down the wedding aisle. ;-)

[AnnieBrooke]

When I was ttc long ago, a friend got pregnant and was trying to downplay it because she thought I'd be upset.  But, oddly, it didn't bother me, it gave me hope, like "If she can do it, there is hope for me too."  Just go with it and enjoy it; she'll pick up if it is troubling you or making you hopeful soon enough.  A big hoot is going to the maternity-clothes store and teasing her with the pregnant-stomach pillow and making her try on clothes with it on.  NOBODY can believe they will really look like that in their 8th month.

[illsurvive]

ya it hurts actually when others get pregnant like on the way. they dont have to try. it just happens. it should be just happen when we have to try it is difficult. its like why me!!!!!!!! why i have to go thru all this again for 2nd baby when i dont have any fertility problem, it hurts. i ve been trying for 7 months

[renee82]

I am so sorry for your loss. But I so know how you feel. When I first lost the baby I was seeing young gilrs pregnant and some were smoking (THAT mad me mad). But I am very excited for my friend, if i wasnt it probably would make it very hard for her to cope with it as well. She is actually going to be the first person I get to be around on a full time basis and be able to get really involved so that make me very special. Everyone else that I have know to have kids were always in living in another state and the people that are living close to me are no where close to having or wanting kids. But I thought to really help my friend out I am going to go get her a "starter kit" for those first time mom things, everything that she may need at least for the first trimester because we all know that is the hardest. I gave her the book "what to expect when expecting" and walking through it with her and telling her wait til the US, the baby movements and so on....

But thank you so much for your advice, its always nice to be able to come to groups like this and chit chat about these kind of things..

Congrats on your pregnancy I wish a happy and healthy pregnancy: well what you have left ;)  over half way Yeah!

[amandamae1126]

It's really tough to see others close to you getting pregnant when you have been trying so hard yourself. I tried for 2 years to get preggo and during that time ALL 3 of my sisters got preggo - two of them on accident and one happened to ovulate the one day she tried. In fact, one sister had twins. How unfair is that?!

It's important that you recognize your feelings about her pregnancy and deal with them. For me it was almost like grieving the loss of a child I never had. Then I did get pregnant, but lost the baby. That was a whole nother issue - tons of grieving with that one too! Get the emotions out. I would find someone (or a support group like this) to help you express your feelings.

Just remember that it is NOT your friend's fault that you are not pregnant right now. Sharing your feelings of sorrow for yourself is probably going to make her feel horrible. She probably already feels weird that it's her and not you pregnant.

Keep trying and know your time will come. And when it does come, it's so incredible! I am now 26 weeks pregnant and it's awesome. I have one sister that is still pregnant with me and it's great to share this with her. Try doing some things to help you cope with what you are feeling. For me, I had to take a week or two to myself. Then I started getting interested in what they were going through. Eventually I got myself emerssed in their experience and wanted to be there as much as possible. I ended up throwing a shower for all my sisters and it was great. I got to be a part of the celebration, they were super appreciative, and I got to do a ton of baby shopping! Do what works for you! :)