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HURTING AFTER LOSS
I waited a long time to have my first child and lost her to preterm labor at 22.5 weeks. The doctor placed her in our arms and said there was nothing they could do to help her, even though she let out a big, healthy cry when she was born. She wasn't deformed, she was actually beautiful with strong legs and healthy, little biceps! However, when they brought in the pediatrist for an expert opinion, we were told her lungs weren't developed enough and she would "fall asleep" in 2 hours or so when carbon dioxide filled her system and never wake up. So..we held her close and 1 hour and 40 mins later she was gone. Due to my intense bleeding and contractions, they think my placenta separated. She had a healthy heartbeat and was kicking even as I pushed..
Only 2 days before I'd been at the ER with contractions and passing blood and clots and they had sent me home, saying the placenta and baby looked perfectly placed and fine, and if the bleeding increased I should come back in.
I'm 36 years old and afraid to try again..but I miss her and can't bare the thought of never giving my husband a child or holding a tiny life against my breast again. I remember thinking at one point that I'd die if I had to bare any more contractions. Pushing her out was so hard even though she was only 10 inches and 15.7 ounces. This just happened last week and I wonder we should try and get pregnant again..or if this horrible loss could happen twice..or if I could even survive delivering a full-term child if all went well. I really need some sound advice.
Only 2 days before I'd been at the ER with contractions and passing blood and clots and they had sent me home, saying the placenta and baby looked perfectly placed and fine, and if the bleeding increased I should come back in.
I'm 36 years old and afraid to try again..but I miss her and can't bare the thought of never giving my husband a child or holding a tiny life against my breast again. I remember thinking at one point that I'd die if I had to bare any more contractions. Pushing her out was so hard even though she was only 10 inches and 15.7 ounces. This just happened last week and I wonder we should try and get pregnant again..or if this horrible loss could happen twice..or if I could even survive delivering a full-term child if all went well. I really need some sound advice.
Thank you. I found this quote by a philosopher named Rajneesh and it really hit home..
"“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.”
I have never loved so suddenly and completely in my life, never felt love from such a sacred and primal place deep inside me...I long to feel her against my breast. No one can understand motherhood until they have experienced it...and that enormous, amazing, all-encompassing feeling is the reason we choose to do it again even when the pain was so scary the first time..
I hope all of us suffering with loss have the courage to go back and do it again, and have healthy, happy babies. I hope I can make my Jennifer Abigail a big sister and that she loves every minute of it.
God bless us all.
"“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.”
I have never loved so suddenly and completely in my life, never felt love from such a sacred and primal place deep inside me...I long to feel her against my breast. No one can understand motherhood until they have experienced it...and that enormous, amazing, all-encompassing feeling is the reason we choose to do it again even when the pain was so scary the first time..
I hope all of us suffering with loss have the courage to go back and do it again, and have healthy, happy babies. I hope I can make my Jennifer Abigail a big sister and that she loves every minute of it.
God bless us all.
Hey!! Just wanted to say hi and that i hope ur taking it ez... I don't really know what to say because i know there was nothing anyone could say to take away the pain i was feeling( the pain i still feel)... Keep the faith and be blessed... If u wanna talk u could message me anytime
Hey!! Just wanted to say hi and that i hope ur taking it ez... I don't really know what to say because i know there was nothing anyone could say to take away the pain i was feeling( the pain i still feel)... Keep the faith and be blessed... If u wanna talk u could message me anytime
I too was crying and reading this. I'm deeply sorry. I myself haven't been through this. But my mom delivered her first at 20 weeks and then went on to have my sister and I. Two full term healthy pregnancies. Give yourself some time to heal, but think positive
I know words can't heal the enormous amount of hurt but I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. I too, lost my sweetie. My son may of not been premature like your angel, he only lived a little over a week after being born full term, but as a momma with an aching heart... I know your pain. At first I was also afraid to try again since my son had a congenital heart defect, my fiancé and I were terrified we would have another with similar problems. But our hearts have a hole, not just from losing our baby, we miss him dearly, but because we are a mom and dad with empty arms. Having another baby (a rainbow) will help heal you. You can never ever replace your angel but creating another new life can help you heal and grow after such a tragedy... God is with your baby girl and they're both watching over you.
You have no idea how valuable your words are to me. At this point, I feel as if I'm I'm only deteriorating mentally and emotionally, what with the sadness and now strange, racing thoughts...In my heart, I know Jennifer Abigail is in a better place and I've nothing to fear. It just hurts not to be able to hold her. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I hope you know it has given me some comfort, because our situations seem to be so alike. God bless you and I would love an update when your bundle of joy is born. We can never hope to replace those we have lost, but know that your little girl in Heaven will love knowing she is a big sister..
Thank you, thank you so much...
Thank you, thank you so much...
Hey hun sorry for ur lost, i can relate to how u feel... I lost my little girl in march of this year at 22+ weeks to preterm labour as well, i went to my appointment the day before and they did a ultrasound and everything was fine, the next morning i woke up with contractions, i went to l&d and they check her heart rate and said she was perfect... A couple minutes after that they said i was 5cm dialated and that she was gonna die due to her lungs not developed... Well i guess u can imagine how i felt... She was kicking the whole time, she was kocking since she was 16 weeks... Anyway i had her after about 3 hrs, she came out sleeping 1 pound, 0.1 ounces and 19 inches long (i know she was gonna be a tall girl)... My heart was totally broken... Im in tears right now but what i wanted to tell u is that i waited for 1 normal period and got pregnant right away, i thought that was the only way i could make it through... Im 16+ weeks now had a little spotting here and there at first but now everythings ok and i pray daily it stays this way...
I am really sorry for your loss, I started to cry too:((...I would wait a little to make sure your body is back to normal after the labor and try again:(
I truely am sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I ope that you can have another when you are ready and for the baby to be healthy. I am sorry <3
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