How long is too long?

[ammanda]

My son Cole is 6 months old, and he used to be so good with bedtime, I would feed him his last meal of the day about 9pm, and lay him in his crib and he would fall asleep all by himself.  In the last week he will not lay down and go to sleep, he screams, so i end up rocking him to sleep first on my chest. and he does this for naps too.  Db wants me to just let him cry himself to sleep, and he did last night after 35 minutes.  So i was wondering, how long is too long for the cry out method at 6 months old?

Thanks ladies, and for those of you who we know well, Coles 6 month appointment is today and I will post how he is doing after wards for you ladies!!!!

[ammanda]

I dont wanna let him cry, but sometimes thats ALL he does.  And Db blames me saying hes like that cause I have spoiled him and ran to his every need.  but Im his mommy thats what im supposed to do. I want him to know that he can depend on me to be there whenever he needs me, but it just makes me and DB fight like crazy, he feels like I dont let him have any say in how we raise Cole, which I really dont, I make all the decisions i always have.   but I feel like its my right, im the mother, im the one on medhelp everyday all day learning what to do, and reading up on ****, so in reality I know more then he does about babies, and when hes older he can decide more. but he just doesnt get it.  i hate hearing my baby cry. and I used to check on him all the time, but now his door is messed up so when i open it its really lous, i need to get that fixed, cause i worry about him alot!! especially now that he will ONLY sleep on his tummy lol

[Ashelen]

no, teaching him independence is a good thing girl. but remember that very often the more we answer their needs and the more that we teach them that we're there for them, the more confidence they have to become independent...they really do learn it on their own, but there are very many different methods to teach them and they all work :).

just do what feels right. I honestly believe it's a phase...when babies go through growth spurts they sleep a LOT but they are notoriously BAD sleepers...and very often when they are about to reach a milestone sleep becomes difficult and erratic..so I think he very well may get over it ,but giving him some structure right now isn't a bad thing...so if you think it's gonna help, letting him cry-it-out for 10 minutes won't hurt anything.

[ammanda]

Well I dont know what i should do. my main thing is why is he doing this now? he was such a good night sleeper, and he doent sleep for more then 2 hours during the day so troo much nap time isnt a problem.   Im a horrible mother i guess, cause i want him to be independent.  

[Ashelen]

You're doing just fine Ammanda but if it doesn't feel right don't do it...however, I would put my foot down about the "how long" part of it. if DB is not Cole's primary caretaker then you should be making these decisions and he should respect it! You're a good momma and you know your baby!!!

Heather; I know that story freaked me the heck out..I checked on Grey like 10x last night. it was ridiculous lol. I know that you would never not comfort your little one..I hope no one here felt like I was saying that they were doing it wrong :-/ I just read that story JUST last night and it freaked me the heck out...it had absolutely nothing to do with the cry-it-out method it was just a horrific coincidence :(.

[HeatherLF16]

I worry about the SIDS thing too, and the other night when I turned on my baby monitor after the 10 minutes and there was silence I rushed in to make sure he was fine.  I wake up about 3 times in the middle of the night to pee (I have bladder issues) and check to make sure he is OK every single time.... make sure he is breathing ect (my hubby says I am over paranoid, but Franky did sleep in my room up until about 6 weeks ago in a pack n play and I felt funny moving him).  Also, I would never EVER just leave him to cry without going in to comfort him after the 10 minutes or so and if I heard him go crazy crying I would rush in, but just little faking it fussing is what franky does.

[ammanda]

I have never let him cry it out until now, its Dbs choice, we fight that I never let him have a say in anything that we do for Cole, so I am trying to give this one to him, but I agree that half hour is way to long to be crying.  it breaks my heart. Im gonna bring it up to his ped. today, just to get a second opinion, but I really truely honestly dont mind rocking him to sleep first. I actually love it, but DB would rather I not, cause he thinks its spoling him.  and hes already a mommas boy and Dd is jealous lol

[Ashelen]

I don't personally do the cry-it-out..we never did it with Kahlan and she's had no issues with bedtime (except the rare occasion when she's too keyed up to sleep)...but it does work for some women. I'd say 10 minutes as well, because that's what my friends who used the method did. I read some horrible story yesterday about SIDS where a woman was pressured by her friends because she was told she was spoiling her 6 month old...she answered him when he cried pretty quickly....and so her friends kept pushing and pushing. so the first night she let him "cry it out" just happened to be the same night he died from SIDS :(. they weren't connected and I'm not saying they are, but that story really struck me in the gut...it was so awful she said she wished she had never been pressured into doing what she felt was wrong.

anyway sorry for the tangent...at 6 months I'd say 10 minutes, lol. with grey if he's crying I'll stay with him and soothe him but not pick him up...once he's calmed down sometimes I walk away and he'll start fussing again but it almost never becomes a full-blown cry again. so that might be worth trying :)

[Megs2girls7]

I'm not much help because bedtime is something I still struggle with with my 2 year old. It's mostly my fault because I'd rather snuggle with her on the couch until she falls asleep. However I agree with smjmekg I wouldn't let him go more than 10/15 mins. Anything longer than that they get too worked up to go to sleep. That and I can't stand to let them cry any longer than that. It's probably just a phase he's going through. Try not to let him sleep as long during the day that way he's more tired at bed time.

[HeatherLF16]

Funny I just posted a thread about this yesterday... Franky has been having issues too his 4 month birthday yesterday.  The past week he goes to sleep fine, but will wake up in the middle of the night for hours wanting to play after I would change and feed him.  Then he would cry, I would come back in hold him, and cycle repeats for him staying up for up to 4 hours in the middle of the night (I don't let him cry).  Finally, after some advice from all the ladies here I changed him, fed him, put him back in his crib, and let him be.  I went back in 10 minutes later and he was out.  Last night, he was back to sleeping all the way through.  I think every 10-20 minutes just check on him make sure he is not completley histerical and if he is comfort him, make sure nothing is wrong ect... but it's ok to let him fuss a little.  I keep everything dark (with the exception of night lights) and don't speak to him if it's time for sleep.  If he does wake up I give him whatever he needs because even we as adults wake in the middle of the night, but they need to know when it's time for sleep and it's dark that's what they need to be doing...lol.

[smjmekg]

I wouldn't let him go more than 10 minutes. If he's not asleep by then, let him play longer...