I just lost my baby to an ectopic pregnancy. How do I deal?

[AlliJune]

I lost my baby on Friday.  I had been in pain for 11 days. I had first gone to the ER when I had horrible stabbing pain on my left side the first day. They could find nothing wrong. The next day I went to my ob/gyn. They did a normal ultrasound followed by a vaginal ultrasound. They said I was too early to see anything- I was about 5 weeks. They drew blood and sent me home with a prescription of Loratab for the pain. The next day they called me and told me to come in Monday to draw blood again b/c my HCG had not doubled like it was suppose to. It only went up by 1/3. I was in horrible pain all weekend. I went Mon and gave blood. On Tues I saw the doctor. They did ultrasounds again, but could not see anything still. He put me in the hospital over night to monitor my blood level (they drew blood every 6 hrs) and for pain management. The next day the let me come home. He told me to return to his office Friday. Yesterday I returned to his office. Again the ultrasounds showed nothing. I was hurting so badly that he said having surgery was the only thing to do. He said he was going to see what the source of my pain was and to see if the baby was in my uterous or fallopian tube. Less than an hour and a half later I was in the OR. Sadly, I had an ectopic pregnancy in my left fallopian tube which had to be removed. I was in so much pain because my i was bleeding internally because my tube was in the process of rupturing.

I am at a loss of what do or even feel right now. I have not yet fully cried. I have somewhat in spurts for about a min, especially when talking to my mom. I have a very supportive boyfriend, but I know he is hurting just as much as I am-- and I don't know what to say to him to comfort him. I dread facing all of ,y family and friends and their "I am so sorry for your loss" or I'm so sorry this has happened" comments. What do I say to this? How do I handle it? How long is the appropriate time to grieve and when will things really sink in? I feel like I'm in a bubble right now-- but slowly things are sinking in as all then pain meds are wearing off. I just don't know what to say or do.

I have no clue really. I don't know anyone who has been through this-- that is why I am turning to this page. Any advice is welcome. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[Serawyn]

I know it's difficult and you don't want to hear it, but I am sorry for your loss. Only time can tell how you will deal with this. I just found out on Friday that I had an early miscarriage too and have been grieving on and off. It doesn't feel real and everything is a complete blur since then. Everyone's way of dealing with a loss as big as this will be different. Mine has been watching "Leave it to Beaver" with DH, eating KFC, frozen yogurt, cake, and going online to read as much as I can about how to prepare for another baby. I would wake up in the middle of the night crying, but then get up in the morning with a smile and say, "Let's try for another baby!"

Anyway, if you need to be with family, be with your family and just tell them what you want. If you don't know, let them know you don't know how to grieve and just ask that they give you hugs. I found this website that has useful information. Maybe it will help you too. http://www.babylosscomfort.com

[Clysta]

I've never personally been in your position so I don't know what that's like to go through. I would imagine though there is no appropriate length to grieve though. Everyone is different. Some might briefly, others could feel it for months. I would imagine the same would be for when things fully sink in. It might take a month for it to happen, and when it does it could hit all at once. I believe you just handle it in anyway that you know how, or what's comfortable to you. If anything makes you feel uncomfortable, or someone says something you don't like, ask them not to. Some women don't want family to pity or grieve for them. (I myself am one of them) Others find the support to be a comfort. Take things one day at a time. You know yourself best and what you can handle.