In-laws outta control

[nini85]

Me and my husband just got married 2/11/2012, and the main thing we continue to get into arguements about is his family, mainly his mom. She is so disrespectful, anyway her daughter and I went to lunch a few days before my wedding and we got on the topic of her mom, they also havent had the best relationship...anyway her daughter told me that her mom made a comment about them not knowing if my baby was her sons and she said hes proably not in love with me he  just dont know it cuz im always sucking his #&%( I was so upset when I heard this. I didnt immediatly bring it to my husbands attention but eventually I did, I got a horrible reaction it was like he was justifying what she had done. When he asked her about it she admitted it. That hurt even more somewhere in my mind I didnt wanna believe it was true. Me and my husband didnt talk for 2days cause I felt he gave her a pass to disrespect his wife. I took the higher road and just recently sent her a card letting her know I want to put all neative stuff behind us. Now im having trouble copeing with my daughter being around her...im due in june and I have been under alot of stress because I feel like its me and my agianst him and his family. I dont want to bring my baby into drama. I feel she owes me a apology also but my husband just says well were the Christans so we will do what the Lord wants us to, which is correct..but im still hurt, its not so much what his mom did now its more of how he handled it, and just to think this is my babys grandma it makes me feel like I married the wrong guy...idk, any advice is fine im kinda lost on ways to handle it.

[Blessing11]

I know exactly how you feel. My fiance and I have been together 5 yrs and just postponed our wedding when we found out I'm pregnant. His mom and sil starting saying that he had to choose now between them or me and a baby. He walked out on me and refuses to talk to anyone. He finally talked to me and said he's tired of trying bc of the bull w his family and bc I get mad. I told him I never asked him to choose they did and I wasn't the one sending emails and calling and cursing people out but yet I get blamed for them. I keep praying he will come to his senses and stop being controlled by them. He refuses to even talk to me or answer texts even when I tried calling him to tell him I was having problems bc of all the stress.

[Msteryn]

I think the best way to address this is with your husband. He is in an awkward situation since no one with a goOd relationship with their parent wants to feel like they are choosing someone else over that parent.  Since you are Christians, you should bring in the scripture about how a man leaves his mother and father when he marries. You need to express to him how you need to know that you two are truly partners and that defending you doesn't mean that he loves his mother  any less. It's important that you don't stoop to his mothers level and attack her so that he doesn't feel he needs to protect her. You two have to address this together or else it will be you against them.

[Msteryn]

I think the best way to address this is with your husband. He is in an awkward situation since no one with a goOd relationship with their parent wants to feel like they are choosing someone else over that parent.  Since you are Christians, you should bring in the scripture about how a man leaves his mother and father when he marries. You need to express to him how you need to know that you two are truly partners and that defending you doesn't mean that he loves his mother  any less. It's important that you don't stoop to his mothers level and attack her so that he doesn't feel he needs to protect her. You two have to address this together or else it will be you against them.

[farO_jan]

If you can't get your mother in law on your side, be extra nice to her. Give her hugs buy her a present and surprise her with your hubby to see! Be a little loud around her lol tell her how much you missed her. And if she tells your hubby to come you should go with him and tell her thanks for telling us to come over we were so bored! Give it a try maybe she might change. But definitely try to get closer to her!!! And hopefully she might change. Be the bigger person and I know your already trying.

[trying43]

Well since ur hubby brought up being a christian thing remind him about the bible verse of leaving his mother and father behind and cleaving to him wife! Your hubby should be putting you and the kids first and standing up for you.  There should be forgiveness yes but if your mil is showing no remorse for what she has said who knows what else she will get away with.  You and hubby need ti seek some counciling now or else this will only get worse.  Take it from me.  Also you can get free counciling at most churches as pastors are certified councilors.  Good luck.

[Starzabove9]

You definetely need to express how it makes you feel, in terms of making you feel like 2nd on his priority list. Trust me its not gonna get better when ur baby comes. Youre gonna.be more protective and the bitterness will grow. You cant beat around the bush. If you guys are religious, maybe consider speaking to you priest or pastor.about the importance of honoring the marriage vow and what not. It might help him to see that your his #1 priority

[nini85]

And the crazy thing is when I even bring this up to him we end up getting into a huge arguement, and I just think to myself like wow she is not even here but me and my husband are at odds over her,im tired of giving her so much control over my marriage, but what to do when my husband wont back me. Its like ok when it comes to her in the wrong, oh I need to take the higher road and do what God would do, but since its his mom thats in the wrong thats the response, but when someone else does something outta line, which its never to that degree of disrespect, oh he has alot of in put. It drives me insane...i cant wait to have my baby, If something dosent change then I will have to do something, I refuse to have my baby go threw any type of mess because her dads mom has issues!.

[nini85]

Yeah, its just hard to even be around him sometimes, I love my husband to death but his mom has been a problem un our relationship for years! I do believe she feels that I took her baby from her but he ask me to marry him, hes an adult. I would think she would want him happy but idk. I told him she is not allowed in my room durning delivery, he knows I have that right so he cant argue that fact. Shes always looking for any reason to call" him over there, and he always go's, most of the time im home alone watching the dog. It pisses me off and makes me bitter at times...i dont understand why he dosent see it, or maybe he does but just dont feel like im worth him letting his mom know shes wrong. Only God knows.

[Starzabove9]

I think you should talk to your hubby and ask.him if anyone else would have made these comments would he be ok with it. Tell him, you would never accept anyone speaking this way about him. Make it clear that you are not asking him to take.sides, but understand that you are his wife and you and your baby are his priority. I would tell him that if he choses not to say anything then you'll have to because you will not allow anyone to disrespect you in front of your child. And I would throw in: trust me if I say something it wont be in a nice, calm manner. Hes gotta understand that shes really at a whole nother level of disrespect.

[albertamommy]

I have a terrible mother in law as well. She through a tantrum when we moved away from his side closer to my side when i was pregnant with our son. Even went as far as to post crap on Facebook about me and saying her son is ***** whipped. I was very upset at this and my then fiance never told her to stop or anything but agreed with me that if she wants to behave like that she won't see her grandchild. Unfortunately when it comes to our spouces moms we can't do much, but I believe there comes a time when u have to stand up to them and let them know they can't talk like that about u. I find it helps me to have that one friend to vent to and get everything off my chest when she does something.

[marajean21]

He should've been able ti reassure you that that wasn't the way he felt towards you and he married you because he loves you. He probably won't ever stand up to his mon bc it's his mom, but he could at least say he doesn't care for the disrespect. He wants everyone to get along and when they don't, he prob feels like he has to choose sides. My bfs sister had no prob expressing her opinion on everything she thought she knew she was talking about and is trying to get him to move back to Massachusetts or to Arizona where she lives. He said it's not what you think and he won't go back. If he could he would choose this path again, but she didn't wanna hear it. He wont get defensive with her and it makes me feel like it's encouraging her. Well she texted me the next day calling me names and saying even with me being preg, he shouldn't stay and all this other junk. He wanted me to ignore it but I stood up foe myself without being disrespectful and simply told her if she didn't want to get to know me before passing judgement then it was on her and her number will be blocked bc I won't be harassed. I told him I don't want him to feel as if he has to choose but she does need to understand that when we are in the ER or you're working, no you cannot call everyone at that very moment. When he doesn't stick up for me, it does hurt and feels he's agreeing with her, but I also need to remember he doesn't want to start a fight and cause more rips through what's already broke, so he's really just letting her get her frustration out and when it's all drained and he hasn't caved in, she will try to make it right bc she will want to know who this person is that has such a hold on him that he wont listen to dear sis. Chances are ur mother in law wont ever apologize but if she has any sense, she will try to put this behind her as well and take your card seriously. She may feel hurt bc her son doesn't depend on her, wont come to her with his probs, and feels u stole him away. She may think u two jumped in too fast to getting married or preg, but u only need to prove her wrong by taking care of her boy and that baby.

[hines2009]

U have every right to b upset. She does owe u an apology and so does ur husband in my opinion. A real man stands up for his wife. ESPECIALLY after she admitted to sayin it. This may b a bit harsh but I wld tell her not to even worry about comin to the hospital until she apologizes. I wld tell ur husband jst because we are christians doesn't mean we let ppl say bad things and get away with it. I'm a christian myself and so is my husband but he wld never let his mom speak to me tht way. Jst talk to him and try to get him to understand where ur comin from...and I'm sorry and good luck!:)