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OT: What would you do?
This is completely off topic but I'm so po'd right now I need some advice and just a place I can safely vent. I used to work for my moms non profit company. I would work more than 40 hours a week for her but not get paid for any of my overtime. She said that it was because the company wasn't doing great and that she kept all the hours I worked over on file so that I could be paid all that money back once the company starts makes money. Well I quite when I found out I was pregnant a year ago since it was too stressful and I couldn't keep up with the hours, especially when I was pregnant. Plus we would fight a lot and it just seemed like business was getting in the way of everything. The whole never work for family thing. She still hasn't paid me all that back money because she "doesn't have it". Well I found out today that she won the Executive Woman's Association "Woman of the Year" Award. I was going to call her and offer my congratulations, but first I wanted to look up what it was so I would know exactly what she was being awarded for. Turns out the whole thing is a scam which she pays $700 to join the organization and then another $1000 for the award. Part of me feels bad that she got suckered into it and wants to let her know its a scam. The other part of me is super upset that she owes me thousands of dollars but can't pay it because she "doesn't have the money," but she can personally drop almost $2000 for some bogus association and award. Before I say anything to her though I was just curious what all of you ladies would do.
She actually doesn't do too bad. She's looking into buying a bigger building and she personally makes about $150,000 a year or more from the company. My sister makes $65,000 with the company so they are doing OK just not great. My problem is that she said one thing to me and then spends all this money on things that aren't important. It makes me feel like she is just saying "too bad you left I'm never going to pay you" but lying about it. The award is really not real. If you Google it you'll come up with horribly bad reviews of the association. They were rated an F by the BBB. I just can't believe shed spend all that money to toot her own horn without even bothering to look into the company that was awarding her. If I was offered and award but had to pay $1000 for it I'd be a little suspicious and do a little detective work.
I would tell her you know how much she paid and that she is taking food from your child and cloths off her back but she can blow 2000 on nothing. she needs to get her priorities strait and I would make her pay you back week by week even if it is 50 - 100 a week it is something.
I don't think I'd tell her. You don't know what she in fact thinks it is, she might be naive rather than egotistical, and you might hurt her feelings a lot if she believes there is anything to this so-called award.
I'm sorry that she ever told you that you would get paid back for the work you did above and beyond what you were paid to do. I wouldn't even have characterized it as overtime, nonprofits are never rolling in money, and if you have the expectation that she definitely owes you thousands of dollars, it's going to get in the way of your relationship. It would have been better if she had been up front in the first place with you and said "This nonprofit is doing barely OK, and it needs more help than it can ever support financially, without that help it won't be able to keep on going, and I would appreciate it if you could volunteer part of the help I need." Of course, you might have just told her no, and that would have caused problems, so that's probably why she never came clean on the issue. (And of course, she might be kidding herself then or now about what the nonprofit will amount to in the end.)
Most small nonprofits really, really struggle. A relative of mine started one, and while he has accomplished some good for his target group, he doesn't have the fundraising chops or organizational skills to make it the next March of Dimes or Oxfam. Not to say that he is failing his target group, but I don't see that his nonprofit is ever going to become a big player. This doesn't keep him from thinking it will. I'm glad, in a way, he thinks so, because it gives him the heart to keep plugging away at this work.
My husband once was approached by an outfit to get listed in their prestigous directory. It was explained as an exclusive honor, and there was no fee to be listed. But if you wanted to buy a copy of this directory (which was marketed as picking people only on merit), you had to pay something like three hundred dollars for a copy of the book. It was probably true that they did do some pre-selecting, and had a success level a person had to meet in order to be listed [-- I was in the same field at the same time and nobody ever asked *me* to be in that directory. :) ] But a cynic could have commented that the place was simply in the business of selling high-priced directories. I would hesitate to tell your mom that it was all a scam, in case she was more a victim of someone's clever marketing ploy than she was out there being egotistical and wasting money.
In your shoes, hard though this might be to swallow, I'd go for long-term serenity. To this end, I would: count the so-called "overtime" money as nothing she in fact "owes" you, just as volunteer hours you gave to your mom because you love her and she needed it. It's not on the books, and she did need your help, and unless you sued her for it you could not enforce that it really existed (plus suing would mean the end of her nonprofit, and she still couldn't cough up the money even if you did that). Letting go of the notion that she owes it to you would free you from anger over how your mom seems to be spending money, and would give you a lovely surprise some day if she ever did give you any money. (Rather than the feeling of 'it's about time.') I would also not make too big a deal about the award in either direction. I wouldn't praise her, because that would stick in your craw given what you have read about it, and I wouldn't go overboard to criticize it, since she might be naive about it rather than self-aggrandizing. She might want to use the so-called award to raise funds, and maybe (surprise! surprise!) she'd actually pay you something if so! But I would do my best to let it all go and chalk it up to experience, just so it won't bite *you* in the butt with resentment for a long time.
I'm glad you moved on, and hope you can get the benefit of the work you did for her in other ways, such as using it to make your resume look really good, and giving her as a great reference, so you get a better job next time.
I'm sorry that she ever told you that you would get paid back for the work you did above and beyond what you were paid to do. I wouldn't even have characterized it as overtime, nonprofits are never rolling in money, and if you have the expectation that she definitely owes you thousands of dollars, it's going to get in the way of your relationship. It would have been better if she had been up front in the first place with you and said "This nonprofit is doing barely OK, and it needs more help than it can ever support financially, without that help it won't be able to keep on going, and I would appreciate it if you could volunteer part of the help I need." Of course, you might have just told her no, and that would have caused problems, so that's probably why she never came clean on the issue. (And of course, she might be kidding herself then or now about what the nonprofit will amount to in the end.)
Most small nonprofits really, really struggle. A relative of mine started one, and while he has accomplished some good for his target group, he doesn't have the fundraising chops or organizational skills to make it the next March of Dimes or Oxfam. Not to say that he is failing his target group, but I don't see that his nonprofit is ever going to become a big player. This doesn't keep him from thinking it will. I'm glad, in a way, he thinks so, because it gives him the heart to keep plugging away at this work.
My husband once was approached by an outfit to get listed in their prestigous directory. It was explained as an exclusive honor, and there was no fee to be listed. But if you wanted to buy a copy of this directory (which was marketed as picking people only on merit), you had to pay something like three hundred dollars for a copy of the book. It was probably true that they did do some pre-selecting, and had a success level a person had to meet in order to be listed [-- I was in the same field at the same time and nobody ever asked *me* to be in that directory. :) ] But a cynic could have commented that the place was simply in the business of selling high-priced directories. I would hesitate to tell your mom that it was all a scam, in case she was more a victim of someone's clever marketing ploy than she was out there being egotistical and wasting money.
In your shoes, hard though this might be to swallow, I'd go for long-term serenity. To this end, I would: count the so-called "overtime" money as nothing she in fact "owes" you, just as volunteer hours you gave to your mom because you love her and she needed it. It's not on the books, and she did need your help, and unless you sued her for it you could not enforce that it really existed (plus suing would mean the end of her nonprofit, and she still couldn't cough up the money even if you did that). Letting go of the notion that she owes it to you would free you from anger over how your mom seems to be spending money, and would give you a lovely surprise some day if she ever did give you any money. (Rather than the feeling of 'it's about time.') I would also not make too big a deal about the award in either direction. I wouldn't praise her, because that would stick in your craw given what you have read about it, and I wouldn't go overboard to criticize it, since she might be naive about it rather than self-aggrandizing. She might want to use the so-called award to raise funds, and maybe (surprise! surprise!) she'd actually pay you something if so! But I would do my best to let it all go and chalk it up to experience, just so it won't bite *you* in the butt with resentment for a long time.
I'm glad you moved on, and hope you can get the benefit of the work you did for her in other ways, such as using it to make your resume look really good, and giving her as a great reference, so you get a better job next time.
Well, this is a tough one. I think you have to ask yourself if your mom would do something mean to you on purpose. Or is your mom finally doing something that really makes her proud of herself? I don't know what your mom has done as a career or how successful she has been. I do know that sometimes women wait to be successful (after raising kids) and then it feels really good to be a part of something they feel is big. I really do feel for her if it is a scam and I feel sorry for you that this has happened. Might want to tell her how proud you are of all of her accomplishments but show her what you found out and tell her to use her special qualities to a company who would truly appreciate them. Tell her you are letting her know out of concern for a great person. Goodluck!
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