O/T am I going nuts???

[5n1]

Okay, I am a SAHM..I have our 4 month old all day and 4 year old half a day when he gets out of school...And the others get home a little before 4..My husband since he started his new position is no longer on midnights, and he is generally home by 5..Well, once he gets home, he always tells me go do something ALONE...he will take care of the kids..or just go soak in the bath..he even tells me just go shopping..He knows I need alone time and he is so wonderful..I honestly cannot complain about that part..He even gives up his gym time with his buddies to come home and relieve me..But, once he gets here and offers to take care of them I get upset and dont want him to do it...I dont want to go alone..I want him and the kids with me...And when I finally do go alone I feel so GUILTY leaving the kids..and I dont know why..He is great to the kids....But, I feel that I shouldnt go alone, that the kids are my responsibilty too and they should be with me..Plus I feel that he works so much makes all the money that it is unfair to ask him to help, even though he volunteers..

why do I feel this way ladies??? does anyone else feel like this??

I know I should not complain or even question it..I am wondering if it is because I was a single mom for 2.5 years prior to marrying my husband...so maybe that is why...I dont know...

see now you think I am nuts dont ya lol

[5n1]

girl...that is how I feel too...and after being with children all day, it is nice for hubby to come home, to have adult time lol yeah and when your gone, you miss them but once you get back your like man I want to leave again, but dont lol

Ah, I guess the best way to look at it is, enjoy them while they are young....dont rush the time, or miss these moments

[Michele, Katy, TX]

You sound exactly like me.  My husband works a lot but when I want to get out to go to the store or whatever, I feel guilty too.  Not so much guilty, but that I don't want to be alone either.  That's no fun!  Then I can't seem to get home fast enough.  Then all my kids start telling on each other, all at once, and I wonder why I was in such a hurry to get back :)  I'm glad I am not the only one though!

[5n1]

I know what you mean...my mom and I went shopping today with the baby and my 4yo and it was a hassle....the poor baby was tired, granted she didnt cry, but she was exhausted from the in and out..and my 4yo thought, okay I dont know what he was thinking...but lately he has been in a funk, to where its his way or noway...so it is nearly impossible to go anywhere with him, without him getting angry...so I just as soon sit at home and not deal with the issues that are going to arise

[ammanda]

Heather:  I have done the whole holding him thing while were out to dinner.  but we figured were out, were supposed to be enjoying our selves, and holding him and trying to calm him while were eating, isnt worth it and its better to just eat at home, as for shopping, I always go around is schedule and the cart usually puts him right to sleep, but when u stop pushing the cart he gets mad lol...    Db just asked if we wanted to go with him to get his hair cut and get stuff for dinner, but it sounds like too much work, and as much as i need to get out of the house, its cold and icy out there, and i dont really feel like it lol

[5n1]

okay good, that makes me feel better that I am not alone...At first I thought it was guilt that I had a new baby and wasnt being there enough for my son, but I knew I WAS still doing the same for him...he helps me with the baby soooo much and hes only 4...And I have to dote on my husband, he is so wonderful, he recently adopted my daughter and had everything changed to show he was her biological father..even on medical records it shows him..but, they left her "real" father on there just in case of medical emergency, but they sealed the record...I guess that once my kids are grown, I will still have time to do what I want for me...
We are all young ladies, so I know we have plenty of time....

Thank you so much for easing my mind, now I know I am not alone:)

[HeatherLF16]

Oh and if I am going out I use the slow flow bottle (usually I use one that is age appropriate)... keeps him quiet for longer.

[Ashelen]

I'm the same way. My husband always tells me to sleep in on saturdays (bless him) and leaves the baby in the bedroom with me to cuddle and takes our daughter into the living room to get her going for the day..but when I hear them laughing and her squealing in excitement I just want to be with her and feel guilty for not being there to share her happy times.

I was VERY guilty leaving my daughter with my parents when my son was born, and my mom didn't help that by telling me i was a horrible mom for not leaving my newborn son alone in the hospital to come home to get my daughter...so I have all sorts of mixed up guilt now.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm happiest when I'm WITH my kids, but my husband is watching them. that way I can just enjoy them and have 'down' time, but I don't have to be constantly getting up or being the disciplinarian...

I actually have no problem asking DH to help with the kids. I don't ask him to do it ALL evening, but I figure that if he's off the clock at a certain time..I'm NOT.,..so when he gets home after relaxing for a bit, he can help me out.


and LOL Heather we do the exact same thing....although with our kids, we always go out right after Kahlan has eaten (breakfast, lunch) and bring a bottle for Grey...that way they're both at minimal crankiness.

[HeatherLF16]

Ammanda just wanted to give you a tip on what I do with Franky.  I used to feel the same as you like I couldn't leave the house.  I used to get really annoyed with people going to places to eat and the movies with their screaming babies...lol.  So, I always felt anxious with taking my cry baby out.  But, I will actually plan my outtings around his feedings.  Like the other day I went grocery shopping.  I brought his bottle with me because I knew he would want to eat around 1pm.  He was fine in the store for the first 10 minutes and he started to fuss.  I just pop his bottle in prop it with a blanket (he is right in front of me in the cart in his carrier) and he eats while I shop.  LOL.  When we get to the car I take him out and burp him... he goes back in his seat and falls asleep on the car ride home.  We do the same thing if we want to go to dinner.  Just feed him while we eat then take him out and take turns holding him when he is done. Now that I do this I can take him anywhere (my mom taught me this) :)

You will always have little moments because we have babies, but the only people that don't understand are the ones that don't have kids and they will get it someday.  I feel like I was annoyed by crying babies now it's my turn to annoy others with my baby...haha

[ammanda]

Your not nuts, i feel the same way. I am a SAHM too, of a (almost) 7 months old.  and DB goes in at 7am till 5pm.  and hes always telling me to go do something, call one of my friends. or go in the room and relax.  but I pretty much never do.. I went out 3 times in the last 5 months, and I would be at my friends for about an hour and start texting DB, that I miss him and Cole and wanna come hime. lol..  And even when im at home, and DB tells me to go to the room or take a shower. I always come running out here as soon as Cole makes a noise and take him.. Idk I guess cause I am his mommy and have been doing it all for so long, I feel like he NEEDS me, but in reality cole loves his daddy.

Everytime he walks in the room Cole gets a smile on his face and starts kicking and laughing with excitment.  and Im turning 21 in 2 weeks, and DB has already gone through that stage(hes almost 23) and so he keeps telling me, your gonna wanna go out all the time and blah blah, I did it, now its your turn... he dont get that im not a drinker like he was.. but I know I am going out for my bday, but hes coming with me..

Thats another thing, I tell him I want to go out with him, and he saids hes sorry but it dont work like that when you have a baby.. it upsets  me, cause we cant take Cole anywhere, he is a cry baby, and not to be rude, but I was one of those "other" customers in a place, where I got so annoyed and irritated that parents just let there kids cry and act up in public, and I refuse to be like that.. a couple months ago we went to Buffalo Wild Wings, and Cole started crying when we were ordering, so we said "when you bring us our food can we get boxes and the bill" lol and we left 5 minutes later and ate at home.. lol..

But when DB goes out, I dont think he feels the way I do at all. he dont even like to text me when hes with his friends, like I do.. but Idk

I think most moms feel this way, especially when there so used to being around the baby 24/7

[HeatherLF16]

I don't think you are nuts at all =)

My little one is 4 months old (my only), and I just decided to become a SAHM ... just didn't return from maternity leave.  I crave alone time really bad, but once I get it I just want to be with my hubby and son.  I went and got my hair done last night after my husband came home.  It took 3 hours and I felt so bad for leaving because my baby just got his 4 month shots.  But, I felt refreshed once I came back and was in a much happier mood... which I so needed because baby has been really crabby and hubby has been working OT/weekends (but get's off at 5 usually too).  My husband is like yours, but usually I will just go upstairs to my treadmill for a half hour and jog or read for a bit... I don't feel so bad because I am at home.  It's when I leave I feel guilty.

It is a normal feeling... but we deserve alone time... and our hubbys do too... and I am sure they don't feel too guilty about it (which isn't a bad thing).  Tonight my husband is playing pool at a friends we do trade offs.  I notice when I do leave my baby he doesn't care much he has fun with his dad.  So, that makes me feel a little better!