Aa
OT: RANT... srry, I gotta get it out
I'm sorry, but I've gotta get this out of my head here before I mentally hurt someone. My friend L*** has Tourettes along with some OCD.. not a bad case but enough.
Since I've known her she's only liked 2 guys.. one was the star football player at our school... the other, now at her college is a rugby player or something like that. She'll get to the point of OBSESSING over every little thing with these guys. Always wondering about the what ifs... then is CRUSHED when a little later they say they don't like her like that or have a girlfriend.
Ladies, she's only 21 years old. She worries that she'll be an old maid, or a virgin forever.. etc.
Now since we were 17 I've tried to be a good friend. I always encourage her, and offer advice, and things like that. I understand the Obsessive Compulsive thing with her and love her anyways.
She's one of my closest friends. HOWEVER, tonight she really made me pop my lid. This last guy she's been obsessing with and hoping to "score" told my husband he has a girlfriend. (they happen to work together).. well, thinking I'd be a good friend and tell her before she asks him out again and embarrasses herself (which she'd do and then call me about).. I VERY NICELY told her that Carlos and this guy happened to be talking and he told carlos he had a G/F, carlos told me, and I told her.
Well, she then proceeds to laugh crazily, and say shes gotta go. Then calls me back later to say that I've ruined things for her and she has no hope for guys... and why did I have to tell her this. My reply was that I only said he has a g/f and how would that ruin things for her???
We mustve spent a good 20min. on the phone, me trying to A) reassure her that she's got PLENTY of time to find a man, B) Justify myself and my marriage to her, C) let her know she can't blame me for trying to be a good friend and keep her from embarrasing herself, D) suggest that she needs to see a pro- counsellor because talking to me isn't helping her and NO she's NOT CRAZY... just conflicted in her emotions.
Jeez... I posted a blog on my myspace but couldn't name names.. it's like she LOVES to call and put stress on me knowing all that I'm already under.. My mom does the same thing too.> PPL just want to voice they're problems to me know'ing I'll take it on as my own to help them if I can.
They then get mad when I finally say enough, or get mad at my advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whew... thnx for letting me rant. srry again.
Since I've known her she's only liked 2 guys.. one was the star football player at our school... the other, now at her college is a rugby player or something like that. She'll get to the point of OBSESSING over every little thing with these guys. Always wondering about the what ifs... then is CRUSHED when a little later they say they don't like her like that or have a girlfriend.
Ladies, she's only 21 years old. She worries that she'll be an old maid, or a virgin forever.. etc.
Now since we were 17 I've tried to be a good friend. I always encourage her, and offer advice, and things like that. I understand the Obsessive Compulsive thing with her and love her anyways.
She's one of my closest friends. HOWEVER, tonight she really made me pop my lid. This last guy she's been obsessing with and hoping to "score" told my husband he has a girlfriend. (they happen to work together).. well, thinking I'd be a good friend and tell her before she asks him out again and embarrasses herself (which she'd do and then call me about).. I VERY NICELY told her that Carlos and this guy happened to be talking and he told carlos he had a G/F, carlos told me, and I told her.
Well, she then proceeds to laugh crazily, and say shes gotta go. Then calls me back later to say that I've ruined things for her and she has no hope for guys... and why did I have to tell her this. My reply was that I only said he has a g/f and how would that ruin things for her???
We mustve spent a good 20min. on the phone, me trying to A) reassure her that she's got PLENTY of time to find a man, B) Justify myself and my marriage to her, C) let her know she can't blame me for trying to be a good friend and keep her from embarrasing herself, D) suggest that she needs to see a pro- counsellor because talking to me isn't helping her and NO she's NOT CRAZY... just conflicted in her emotions.
Jeez... I posted a blog on my myspace but couldn't name names.. it's like she LOVES to call and put stress on me knowing all that I'm already under.. My mom does the same thing too.> PPL just want to voice they're problems to me know'ing I'll take it on as my own to help them if I can.
They then get mad when I finally say enough, or get mad at my advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whew... thnx for letting me rant. srry again.
Hana, Yes. She is very informed on my pregnancy. I get it, because I'm the same way with my friends. there's only 1 friend I'll turn to to talk to. I've known her since 2nd grade, and she helps as much as she can but she is 1500 miles away.
Actually, I had to confront my mother and tell her that... this was a while back, a couple mo. before my step dad died. (it was sudden he OD'd on prescription meds accidentally)
But she actually had the gall to just say "well, your my daughter and I had just hoped you'd listen.. etc. etc." she actually got upset with me because I was telling her i'd just had a little too much and couldn't deal with it for a while, including listening to her problems.
The way I see it is if this particular friend said something to me I didn't like... like, "You smell bad today, did you shower?" or something like that. I'd respect her. Sure maybe I'd be a little hurt at how it was said, but for goodness sakes all I told her was that he had a boyfriend.
Finally tonight for once I didn't coddle her on anything. I told her she was obsessing on these guys and needed to get help for it because it wasnt healthy.. she also is one of these that if told about part of a conversations wants to know EVERY word said, repeatedly... she asked that about how my husband found out the guy had a g/f. and basically I just told her, "L*** It doesn't matter, I have no clue as I wasn't there, and every word isn't important."
Us Shoulders-to-cry-on sure do need to stick together... we've gotta have someone WE can talk to once in a while. As well as time to deal with our own problems ONLY not everyone elses.
Actually, I had to confront my mother and tell her that... this was a while back, a couple mo. before my step dad died. (it was sudden he OD'd on prescription meds accidentally)
But she actually had the gall to just say "well, your my daughter and I had just hoped you'd listen.. etc. etc." she actually got upset with me because I was telling her i'd just had a little too much and couldn't deal with it for a while, including listening to her problems.
The way I see it is if this particular friend said something to me I didn't like... like, "You smell bad today, did you shower?" or something like that. I'd respect her. Sure maybe I'd be a little hurt at how it was said, but for goodness sakes all I told her was that he had a boyfriend.
Finally tonight for once I didn't coddle her on anything. I told her she was obsessing on these guys and needed to get help for it because it wasnt healthy.. she also is one of these that if told about part of a conversations wants to know EVERY word said, repeatedly... she asked that about how my husband found out the guy had a g/f. and basically I just told her, "L*** It doesn't matter, I have no clue as I wasn't there, and every word isn't important."
Us Shoulders-to-cry-on sure do need to stick together... we've gotta have someone WE can talk to once in a while. As well as time to deal with our own problems ONLY not everyone elses.
Sweety honestly,
does she know what you are going through at the momment? It seems totally inappropriate that she tries to lay ANY extra baggage on you right now. I understand that she has problems and obviously you do but ocd and tourretes doesnt mean you get a one way friendship. You cant be expected to give all of yourself and get nothing in return.
I feel like i have the same kind of relationship with a lot of my friends, they are happy to run to me with every little problem and i would give them all the support and love i could muster. Then once when i was about 13 weeks pregnant i was having serious problems(now resolved) with my bf and i turned to one of my friends and i said "I need you, go spend time smoking pot and hooking up with guys everyother night but tonight i need you, please" (which for me is a huge deal to say because i am fairly independant and i never ask for anything really) and she said öh sorry mayb e tommorow.
I cant give you the right advise because i am still trying to find it myself but...it has to stop somewhere. And i can only say this because i am the outsiders view but its seems like for you thats now. Tell your friend (or friends if it happens with more taht one person) that while you love to help them you are human TOO, you have your own problems you need friends and support TOO and you may not always give perfect advise or advise they necessarily want to hear.
*hugs*
sorry this went on for so long i just know exactly where you are coming from. Us shoulders-to-cry-on need to stick together!
does she know what you are going through at the momment? It seems totally inappropriate that she tries to lay ANY extra baggage on you right now. I understand that she has problems and obviously you do but ocd and tourretes doesnt mean you get a one way friendship. You cant be expected to give all of yourself and get nothing in return.
I feel like i have the same kind of relationship with a lot of my friends, they are happy to run to me with every little problem and i would give them all the support and love i could muster. Then once when i was about 13 weeks pregnant i was having serious problems(now resolved) with my bf and i turned to one of my friends and i said "I need you, go spend time smoking pot and hooking up with guys everyother night but tonight i need you, please" (which for me is a huge deal to say because i am fairly independant and i never ask for anything really) and she said öh sorry mayb e tommorow.
I cant give you the right advise because i am still trying to find it myself but...it has to stop somewhere. And i can only say this because i am the outsiders view but its seems like for you thats now. Tell your friend (or friends if it happens with more taht one person) that while you love to help them you are human TOO, you have your own problems you need friends and support TOO and you may not always give perfect advise or advise they necessarily want to hear.
*hugs*
sorry this went on for so long i just know exactly where you are coming from. Us shoulders-to-cry-on need to stick together!
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