How does a woman deal with jealousy?

[blueskye20]

So I’ve been beginning to feel very jealous lately.  I feel that way with everything.  I don’t like it either.  There is a girl that I work with who just had a baby two months ago.  She brought him in yesterday so that we could meet him.  There was three other girls there, and they all jumped up and started playing with him.  I backed off because deep inside it just hurts.  I didn’t mean to be rude or uncaring, I just knew that if I got close to the baby I would start crying.  I know its all up to God, but I feel like there’s something wrong with me.  Like I’ve sinned soooo badly that I’m cursed with this.  Like its my fault.  Like I’m not doing something I should.  

On top of the jealousy over other babies I’ve been having problems with my husband.  We had just gotten over a very big hurtle in our relationship and I thought everything was going well.  Then I found out that he’s been going to the strip bar…. More than he should be.  Personally, I’m okay with him going once in a great while but I’ve found out that hes been going two or three times a week ( I knew something was up when he wasn’t coming home on time anymore).  I don’t think he’s “cheating” on me but hes been staying out later and later and now he’s not even coming home on Friday and Saturday night.  He told me he would be home at midnight last night.  12:30 rolls around and I was like “I’m not waiting up for him anymore” so I tried to call him before I went to bed.  He didn’t answer his phone.  So I went to sleep ( a little upset) and just dealt with it.  Its hard for me to sleep when he’s not with me because I get nervous being in the apartment by myself.  So I kept waking up all night.  Finally, at 5:30 in the morning I called him again…. He didn’t answer until I let his phone ring 3 times in a row.  From the conversation we had he doesn’t even think hes doing anything wrong.  I don’t know what the proper response from me is.  I don’t want to be controlling or motherish but I don’t want to let him think that he can do whatever he wants…

On top of all of this I’m 8 days late on my period, my breasts hurt, I’m super emotional and my pregnancy tests are still NEGATIVE!!!

[Jame0223]

I would NOT be cool with that lol. My df doesnt have the money for that so he can't go but if he did I would only be okay with once in a great while. He's not old enough to drink yet either so thats a plus. I don't care about porn but women dancing on him can make me a bit uncomfy. Actually just this weekend my df messed up! He has an addiction to VIDEO GAMES lol. He isn't supposed to stay over at his friends houses anymore, his word not mine! And saturday he just told me he was going over there so they could stay up all night and play video games, I wasn't happy but I didn't stop him. Sunday is the day that WE spend together and I told him to be home early because it wasn't fair to give part of my day up to his friends.

But then he didn't come home! He wouldn't answer his phone and I was crying wondering what was going on! It pissed me off SOOOOOO MUCH that he turned off his phone for HOURS! He sent a few texts in the morning. That was it until 4:30 yesterday afternoon when he decided to come home. But I decided that it wasnt really worth making a big deal out of so I waited to talk to him about it. We went on with our day normally and he was being extra nice to me. Well I went to talk to him and he didnt really have much to say for himself...he was just wanting more time to spend with his friends because he only sees them once a week if that. I got upset mostly because he didnt answer his phone! But everything was okay until last night when the discussion of sex came into play. He doesn't please me very well and he knows it. I can not have an orgasm while making love to him. So sometimes I ask to throw in the vibrator to make it a bit more fun for me...he gets turned off which I understand but i was begging him last night and he still rejected me and I just felt so...unnappreciated. After all, he screwed my whole weekend up and I still bought him dinner both nights, bought him his own 70 dollar guitar hero guitar...and yet he won't even do something like that for me. I was so pissed I started crying! Men I swear!

If your hubby sees nothing wrong with coming home at 5:30 in the morning he needs to have some sense knocked into him. Strip clubs are one thing but why not come home after the fun!? Thats ridiculous and unacceptable! I would be furious! Sounds like the strip club situation is getting better though. Thats good. I hope everything works out for ya blue!

[blueskye20]

ont he other topic.  I dont even really feel pregnant.  The only symptom I have is sore breasts but I get that right before my period too.  I'm not nausous or crampy or anything.  I'm now 9 days late, which is VERY odd.  The tests are still neg too.  I dont even know if I want to be pregnant.  I did, but now I'm starting to second guess myself.  My husband, last night, actually said "with you being late and all, if you're not pregnant, do you thinkw e should start using some birth control or something so that we can actually plan it?"  The thought about having a baby last year was great, but now that we're smacked in the face with the fact that it actually could be I think he's getting scared.  And I dont want to have a baby if my man isnt going to be happy about it.  I think he's worried that if I get pregnant he wont be able to start going to school in the fall, which has been a plan for the past two years now.  

On the other hand I dont know how i feel about birth control either.  It messes with my body.  I used to take it when I was younger and I'd have 2 or 3 periods a month.  It didnt help with anything of the PMS stuff either.  He doesnt like to use condoms either.  I know for the first 3 weeks he'll be fine with it but he gets sick of them after a while... I just dont know

[blueskye20]

Well, girls, I actually did end up going with him the weekend before this.  Like you I was curious to what all the fuss was about.  He made a point to actually buy me a lapdance... and like mommy2be said it turned him on so incredibly much.  I was just shocked and... well kind of in awe that a woman could move her body like that... lol.  I got a little more on me than those girls did.  

Anyway, we did talk and we came to an agreement.  I just needed to get him sober and awake for him to actually understand how I felt.  I dont think it's going to be happening any time soon.

Thanks so much for listening to me.  Sometimes a woman needs to talk to other women.... you know?

[kris777]

Oh no...........if my other half was going to the strip bar often like that we would be fast on our way to breaking up and he knows that.  I always ask him to turn it around and ask himself if he would approve of me doing the same thing.  If he can't then he shouldn't be doing it either!  If he wants to have children then he will need to change this behavior because believe me, you won't be happy long term if this continued.  I'm sorry he is doing this!  I know what you mean about not wanting to be like a mother because I feel the same way sometimes, but you have to set boundaries and you deserve to be happy.  There is NO reason in the world for a man in a committed relationship to be out still at 5 in the morning!!!!!!  Don't back down on that......I get mad anymore if my other half stays out past midnight because there is no need for it.  He does really well though now and usually just has a few happy hours a week with the guys right after work then comes straight home to be with us.    

On the other topic......you may be pregnant and still getting negative home tests.  It took me a few weeks of negatives when I just knew I was preggo to finally get my positive.  I hope it works out for you the way you want:)

[Nadia77]

the feeling you have about pregnant women or little babies, is very normal for any woman how has gone through loss or hasn't been able to get pregnant yet.  I suffered a miscarriage and until I got pregnant again It was very hard for me to even play with babies! But believe me your day will come at the right time and you will feel very different.... have faith!  As for you partner.... I think its personal to you how to react depending on much it hurts you, for me personally I would not allow him for a second to that, reason being is he will get tempted and turned on and god knows what he will do next! It is very unhealthy and I would react very strongly against it....

[BTS1022]

I agree with mommytobe2008, Ask him if t would be okay if you joined him at the club, instead of leaving you behind, if he disagrees to that then yeah i agree he needs a swift kick in the bum and not be allowed to go anymore. Next, with my hubby he knows when I call his phone he better pick it up, i dont care if he is in the middle of going to the bathroom, he better hurry up and wipe his rear to get the phone. If there was some kind of an emergancy how in the heck are you going to get a hold of him?

Secondly, I know men look and men fantasize thats just how they are point blank. I allow hubby porn when he likes, just aslong as my babies are in bed and not around. It is different to be getting turned on by the tv or a magazine compaired to a REAL HUMAN right in front of you, where they can get away with any sexual act, I know because I have been to a club with an ex and he got a ** during a lapdance.

My Hubby is allowed to go to clubs like that only if A: He doesnt drink and B: I am there PERIOD! Men tend to get carried away about stuff like that, they are more sexual as us women are more emotional. It's like a puppy, you give him 1 thing to chew on, and he automatically thinks he can chew on anything in the house.

Set rules, set limits, Marriage isn't easy its something you have to work on, on a daily basis in order for it to work out. My household has rules and limits and I keep hubby on a VERY VERY VERY short leash when it comes to clubs, he cant do much damage with a DVD or magazine except make a lil mess lol.

I wish you the best of luck my dear, keep your head up, and if all else fails he can live in his car :)

[MommyToBe2008]

One day I decided to go to a strip joint with hubby to see what all the fuss was about. Next thing I knew I was getting a lap dance while he watched, it was hella funny, but it turned him on. He wont go without me now because it just ‘aint’ the same. LMAO. Problem solved.

[Atlantisea]

Maybe you should go to the doctors and and get your hcg level checked with a blood test...

[eel81]

if you are so concerned with your hubby going to strip clubs ask him to stop. if he truly cares about your feelings he will not go. my husband used to lok at porn and i said i didn't like it and i found it repulsive and he stopped. its just a matter of communication. ask him not to ge, he may not be cheating on you but you need him to stop for yourself

[yelloweskimo]

If he thinks that sort of behaviour is acceptable then he has another thing coming!!!! Seriously, no one married or in a serious relationship should be acting in that way, it shows complete disrespect for you! And by telling him you are not mothering him - I mean, you're not nagging over heaps of little things that don't matter, this is something that needs to be said because it is not right and clearly you are unhappy!!

My partner did this to me for a bit last year - not to strip clubs, but would disappear for an ENTIRE weekend with his stupid disgusting mate and not answer any of my calls or messages. Eventually we broke up because I was sooooooooooooooooo sick of it!!! I decided it was better to be alone then to spend my weekends upset and worried about where he was, how drunk he was, why he wasn't talking to me. It was absolute bullsh*t!!!! He had problems and needed to fix them. He moved to away to queensland, and so we were forced to be apart (it's easy when you break up to keep seeing them, although that wasn't the reason he moved there) and slowly we started sorting things out. Then one day he just moved back, completely out of nowhere and we have been great ever since. He knows that kind of behaviour is not tolerated and I am not scared to kick him to the curb if he behaves like that again. If he does it again he can get f*cked as far as I am concerned and he knows that. The time away from him was great because I knew that I would be fine, I wasn't lonely and I had great friends. I coped really really well. Sometimes its the fear of being alone that keeps people in their relationships.

Seriously, you don't need to deal with this behaviour, you'd better say something to him otherwise you're just going to be unhappy. I hate strip clubs, they are sleazy and disgusting and people in relationships should not be hanging out in them. Ask him how he would feel if you behaved in this way?

I have also suffered a miscarriage and was extremely jealous about pregnant women and women with babies. It is really hard and I feel your pain, it'll happen when the time is right, I am a big believer in that (I have finally fallen pregnant again, and it has seemed to conencide with my relationship being strong). If your husband is acting in this way, then getting pregnant probably isn't the best thing that could happen - extra stress will amount and clearly he's not being very dedicated to you right now.

[kennedydp5]

blueskye, its not even just the fact of going to the strip bar (which is definately not allowed here!)...  but the simple fact that NO man in ANY relationship (especially in a marriage) should be naive (sp?) enough to think that it's ok in any way, shape, or form to stay out until 5:30 am and then think you're not allowed to get upset about it!!!!!!!!!!!  i don't know if there are some that will disagree w/ me but that is how i feel!  its completely unacceptable to me!  and yes, him staying out that late AND being at a strip does make it that much worse.  and don't ever think you're not entiltled to say anything about it b/c you are!!!!  

i'm really sorry you have those strong emotions to deal w/ being around babies.  never think that it's your fault!  God definately has a plan for you!!!

[heatherlynn22]

i agree with leighanne...if my dh was going to the strip clubs AT ALL and not coming home on weekends....he'd find all his sh*t packed up and on the doorstep. kids or not....that's something you can't tolerate. he may not be cheating but if he keeps it up he'll start thinking hey she doesn't care...blah blah blah (i had issues with an ex and the strip club....turns out he was sleeping with 90% of the female staff there....) and if you told him and he STILL does it he has zero respect for you OR your relationship. he needs a swift kick in the bum....

[leighanne143]

i would feel the same way that you described.  he needs to stop the nonsense.  i would honestly leave my fiance if he continued to go to a strip bar that often after i told him how it made me feel and asked him to stop.  by him not stopping it shows he does not value what you say or care.  there is no need for him to be at a strip bar that often.

[blueskye20]

I feel like I'm in need.  I feel deeply hurt when he does that to me.  He just thinks i'm being "clingy" and too "needy".  He doesnt understand how hurt it makes me feel.  I think when he heard how I was crying when I finally got ahold of him this morning he might have realized that it really did matter that much to me.  When he does this kind of think it makes me feel like there is something wrong with me.  Like I'm not pretty enough, or think enough or sexy enough.  When I found out that the strip bar is the bar that hes been going to and I got upset with him he said "its not like I'm having sex with them or even getting a lap dance," but it doesnt matter.  He's still looking, and hes still having some physical contact with them.... I really feel like I dont know what to do.

[leighanne143]

i am sorry this is happening to you.  Did you have a previous MC?  is that why you cry when you see babies, if so i know just how you feel after having 2 MC's in 5 months.

As far as your hubby problem, he should  not be going to a strip club that many times per week and wasting you guys money on dirty ladies that need to find another way to make a dollar.  MY hubby is only allowed to go like once a year, my thing is why go out and pay for it if you have it at home for free.  You need to have a serious talk with him about that cause it sounds like it is going to become bery problematic and no guy should be out til 5:30am when he has a wife at home who seems to be in need.