Aa
multple preg. & cheating fiance
my fiance caught baby fever hard & fast, he was even praying before sex! I started feeling like sex was work because even during sex he would talk about a baby. things began to go downhill due to me distancing myself so my feelings would not get hurt. I would not deny him sex but I felt so used I stopped confiding in him& vise versa. I found out recently he has been getting his confidence boost, his supplemental compainionship from hitting on and talking with ALOT of girls on fb or old contacts. one of them had turned him down yrs ago & he was trying to ask for "a chance to b her man". all of this WHILE TRYING TO GET ME PREGNANT! he has not slept with them but im affraid thats only because I caught him early into the cheating. I am not sure if I am wasting my time repairing my relationship because I dont know if he is only trying to stay with me because he wants to b a family or because he really thinks he can earn the trust back & do right by our new pregnancy... by the way we r having twins!
Just so you know I do believe this as cheating to even entertain such thoughts or actions. By ”true affair” I mean for him to take the affair he's entertaining to the physical level.
Communication is key to the relationship. I hate arguing with my husband, but there have been times that I've had to just to keep is going. I've had to tell him to clean while i'm at work, I've had to talk money with him, I've had to tell him not to spend so much time on video games, i've had to discuss his family and mine (a really touchy subject), and I've had to talk to him about our relationship (in all aspects.) When beginning to open this type of communication up you will argue, because these are all touchy subjects, but it's so so so important you do. Once a good communication has been established the arguing will lessen, trust will build and you will know him and him you.
He needs validation he needs to know you love him. through thick and thin he needs to know you're there.
You need him to have independence and to know that you both have equal share in the relationship. That you are not just there to be used but that you are loved as you love him.
But neither of you will know this about the other unless you communicate it to one another. You pulled away and no one blames you for that (honestly if I weren't so ornery all the time I might have in my own relationship), but now is the time to pull together . You have a marriage and a baby coming up! That is sooooooooooooooooo exciting! You deserve to love this time. Go talk with him. Let him know how you felt /feel and what you've found out that he is doing, apologize for your part, don't let him think his part of this is ok though (it far from is.) Find a solution Together and work together on it.
In addition, if those girls are letting him be this way, they are not acting as girls of value and he needs to drop them add friends or significantly lessen his acquaintance with them. They are not supporting him to be the family man he wants to be.
I can say though, you are so lucky to have the opportunity to handle and resolve this before it becomes entirely sexual in nature to him. So many women don't get the chance to resolve situations like this before it becomes a true affair. You sound so level headed about this I believe no Matter the outcome you will do fine. I pray for the best for you and your little ones.
He needs validation he needs to know you love him. through thick and thin he needs to know you're there.
You need him to have independence and to know that you both have equal share in the relationship. That you are not just there to be used but that you are loved as you love him.
But neither of you will know this about the other unless you communicate it to one another. You pulled away and no one blames you for that (honestly if I weren't so ornery all the time I might have in my own relationship), but now is the time to pull together . You have a marriage and a baby coming up! That is sooooooooooooooooo exciting! You deserve to love this time. Go talk with him. Let him know how you felt /feel and what you've found out that he is doing, apologize for your part, don't let him think his part of this is ok though (it far from is.) Find a solution Together and work together on it.
In addition, if those girls are letting him be this way, they are not acting as girls of value and he needs to drop them add friends or significantly lessen his acquaintance with them. They are not supporting him to be the family man he wants to be.
I can say though, you are so lucky to have the opportunity to handle and resolve this before it becomes entirely sexual in nature to him. So many women don't get the chance to resolve situations like this before it becomes a true affair. You sound so level headed about this I believe no Matter the outcome you will do fine. I pray for the best for you and your little ones.
He's not a good man if he cheats. Don't accept less than a good man for yourself or for your children. If you have a boy, he'll learn to be a man and how to treat women, good or bad, from the man in his life, and if you have a girl, she'll learn what to accept in relationships from your relationship with men. He can be a father if he chooses to do so, but that doesn't mean you have to be with him. Sometimes it is better that we let these men go if this behavior is all they're willing to give us.
Im scared too. Its a hard one but at the end of the day only you know whats right. How far along are you? Some days here are absolutely perfect and others I just want to leave. He knows his last chance is when shes born.
I am not willing to "stay together for the kids" it would be better for us to b apart than for our kids to grow up seeing an unhappy or disfunctional marrige. but I was willing to wrk it out just for us... im scared I am going to regret it
he is a good man & I know it but he is so insecure that he seems to need constant validation from other females. I wish I could trust him when he says he wont do it anymore but in my head all im hearing is " I wont let u catch me anymore" something I forgot to mention is these girls knew about me...
Im in the exact same situation, except one baby not two! Im 25 Weeks and at 20 Weeks I said I was done and moving home...12 hours away. He said he would pull his head in because he couldnt watch me leave with his baby. We got a new house and moved in, new furniture etc. He hasnt changed, I should of left. But I long for the whole family thing and want our daughter to have her dad so im staying. It breaks my heart and I cry most days. He doesnt even touch me and when we do have sex, I get nothing out of it. He facebooks and texts his ex's. Like jamesruss said, its about when they want to grow up. Im praying to God that he will change when shes born. Not saying your man wont, its great you caught him! I just found I had to start putting my foot down. Good luck, and inbox if you wanna chat!
Congrats on the twins. :)
Now u are not alone ur have two lil angels on their way. Like the first person said its all about growing up. People can change but only If they really want to. I would say give him a chance because of the kids BUT if u think he's not gonna change move on. I come from divorced parents and I was 15 when it happened. He cheated and I told my mom she didn't deserve that. No women deserves to be cheated on or disrespected. If you stay with him or not is your call but remember you and your babies deserve the best. Wish the best and don't let this stress you. Messagee if u need someone to talk to
Now u are not alone ur have two lil angels on their way. Like the first person said its all about growing up. People can change but only If they really want to. I would say give him a chance because of the kids BUT if u think he's not gonna change move on. I come from divorced parents and I was 15 when it happened. He cheated and I told my mom she didn't deserve that. No women deserves to be cheated on or disrespected. If you stay with him or not is your call but remember you and your babies deserve the best. Wish the best and don't let this stress you. Messagee if u need someone to talk to
Somehow I didn't see the part where you said ur pregnant. Disregard my above comment.
I'd get on birth control or stop having sex with him. Then figure out what's going on with yalls relationship. You don't want to bring baby into a bumpy relationship.
hard to say...but coming from a guy, its hard to stop.when I was young and in school and during my 20's I would always cheat even when I got caught and told then I would stop I still did. After all the hearts I broke and the girls that broke my heart I have grown up and cherish the women in my life. We have been married 2 years and will welcome a baby in Sept 2012. Its all about growing up...Good Luck.
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