Single mom post-birth question

[MamaBear0612]

So I have plenty of family and my ex is actively involved, but we're not together so I'm about to become a single mom. I'm very independent and since this is my first child, I wonder if I should line up somebody to come stay with me when the baby's born. My baby girl's father says he'll be here as much as he can when he's off, but he works 24 hours on, 48 hours off, so he can't be there all the time, and when he first gets off shift he goes straight to sleep. What do you guys recommend?

Like I said, this is my first baby but I have lots of experience with babies, just have never gone through the experience of childbirth or having my own baby 24/7 and am not sure how realistic it is that I could cope on my own for even a day when I leave the hospital. How long do you have somebody stay with you, if you do? I think after a little while company might start getting on my nerves lol, but I'm not reckless enough to turn down help if I really need it.

[MamaBear0612]

Thank you. I'm excited, just trying to think through the possibilities as well as I can. She's also due in June and since it could be 100 degrees already here, I'm just planning to be trapped inside with her, which requires a lot of planning. Think I'm ready for her to be here already. :)

[mumniya]

After my daughter was born I did pretty well by myself my hubby had to work so that just left me n her on our own I lived with my inlaws but they just had their bby as well (yup we were pregnant at the exact same time lol)  so I never wanted to bother them for anything not that I needed to it all just came together so easily... my princess was always right next to I had a baby carrier so I just put her in their when I needed to do laundry and a bby hammock when I was cooking and cleaning lol so yes you can do it alone if you rather have that one on one with ur new born I just came back from VA I was their to help my aunt she just had her bby and she had a c-section not that she needed my help she did everything on her own I don't know how ill be doing this time with a new born and a 3 year old hopefully everything goes smoothly lol BEST OF LUCK & CONGRATULATIONS :)

[Rachel_croft]

I'm flying my mom out here.

[MamaBear0612]

I think I'll work on making sure somebody is here with me...if they get annoying, I'll send them home. Lived by myself up north for over a decade (was born and raised in TX and my family is all here) so they're used to my strange ways and hopefully won't do too much hovering. :)

[Babyiish]

I think that during delivering that's when you need your husband the most......
My personal opinion... :)
At the hospital for first time mummy's they help you bond with your baby...
They give you tips on how to breast feed and you get to spend some time with your baby before leaving the hospital...
I know it's a little scary...... :)
And also agree with the obove post ....
Xx

[Lesley27]

See i had a Csection and my MIL came, i had a long labour process and honestly hadnt slept in like a week!(between proir to labour, during, adn after) i didnt have help at night as night time when i was nursing is very much a one person job lol and after 2-3 days i really didnt need the MIL around i felt a lot better, my daughter was content sleeping so when she slept i could sleep :) my laundry is in the basement so for the first week after a csection you should really limit stairs so i was happy she was doing my laundry... well happy i had clean laundry that is. so its absolutely doable... babies in the begining like to sleep so there is down time for sure! i thing emotionally it can be scary just the fact that the baby is so little lol and your hormones are a mess! i honestly knew i knew what i was doing but when it came to my very content little baby i started getting worried... is she eating enough? is she peeing enough? lol and she was content and happy!! but being sleep deprived, and i kinda lost my common sense and started over thinking everything so i phone around to public health (no one contacted me... i got missed in the process) so i talked to a super nice RN who gave me the reasurance i needed lol) I just finished my LPN course and just did clinical on post partum and am educated on all baby stuff and was completely confident bringing her home... just those darn hormones and lack of sleep lol

[Ashelen]

haha, the BEST experience! :-). But also incredibly humbling. If you really think that having someone around would be more annoying than helpful and just get in the way of bonding...you can totally do it on your own, barring some complication or surgical delivery. But if the person who would help you is likely to respect your space and give you more time to bond...hmm I wish I had someone in my life like that, my family's obnoxious..LOL

[MamaBear0612]

Good point. I'll see what I can do. I've already had to ask for more help while pregnant than I have in the 33 years before, I'm sure they'd be happy to and it'd be nice to just be able to stare at my baby in wonder. Didn't think I was ever going to be a mom, so this is a pretty cool experience. :)

[Ashelen]

After my first vaginal delivery I had some complications so I was pretty much bed-bound for a few weeks...but even so I was able to keep the baby next to me and do it pretty much 95% on my own, I just didn't eat a lot LOL.

But after #2..I was up and moving right away and back to normal the next day. So even vaginal births can vary widely. Like I said...you CAN manage on your own, I'm sure of it. But I personally believe that the more peaceful and relaxing the transition to home, the better the memories and the easier it is to bond. If you can focus on cuddling and breastfeeding and resting, while someone else is preparing meals and washing baby clothes and mopping the floor...why not?

[MamaBear0612]

And I'm planning on a vaginal birth, but I have a low-lying placenta they're hoping will move up so there's a slight chance I may need a C-section. If I do, then I would definitely assume I'd need some real help.

[MamaBear0612]

Yeah it kind of depends for us on what day I get released from the hospital, because of his weird shifts...I'm sure my mom would be happy to do it, I'm just not sure I can evict her again after she gets ahold of her granddaughter lol.

[Ashelen]

Oh and I would say after about a week you'll have a rhythm established and an extra person would just be a nuisance...but even help for the first day or two home from the hospital should be enough. It all depends on the type of birth you have, or how long you're in the hospital..so I'd say a week just to cover it all?

[sehale]

If you have a vaginal birth, it shouldn't be necessary for someone to be with you constantly. Personally I'd get someone to stop by once a day or once every two days to see if you need any help.

If you end up having a c-section, you'll probably need more help. My sister had a c-section and ended up tearing open her incision. With a c-section you're not supposed to lift anything over a certain weight, and sometimes depending on the size of your baby you can't actually pick the baby up.

[Ashelen]

I'd do it just in case...always nice to have an extra pair of hands. After my first was born, I had a very difficult recovery but my husband had to work 3 jobs so I was pretty much alone...no one came to help. And after #2, my husband went back to work the day I got home from the hospital so I was managing a 22-month-old and a newborn, and I did just fine.

So you CAN do it, but if you don't have to...I wouldn't, just because the more well-rested, well-fed, and relaxed you are...the more pleasant the first days home will be. :-)