So upset

[July29]

Ok so yesterday I found out my husband's family is not going to do a baby shower for me because they are mad. Last weekend we were at his family reunion and it seem like everyone had something to say. My brother in law keep saying to me you have to start walking now, then his uncle started saying you can eat shrimp bcuz its bad for you, then my sister in law started saying you have to stop eating spicy thing, if not your baby is going to come out with white little pimples and babies with that look ugly. I just didn't say anything but I was getting frustrated that everyone had something to say. my sister in law was going to buy us the crib, so that day I went to pick up the one I liked. But then the next day, I was in their house and I felt like I need a masage and again she had something to say. your not supposed to have neck masage because it cause pre labor. And I had it. It seems like she cant keep her mouth closed. I told my husband that I didn't want anthing from her cuz it seems that because shes buying the crib she has the right to speak her mind. Its my pregnancy!! My husband got bad at me and told all his family members that I didn't want nothing from them. Seems like he doesnt understand. I know they are exited and but not even my mom tells me what to do or what not to do. I'm angry. I know they are mad but I dont feel like I should appologise. I know that it anger that day contribute to my crazy hormones but still. Lol

[wolfire7]

Glad to know im not the only one who has extremely crazy in-laws. My in-laws took over everything with my first child and I was told to let it be because my sil can't have kids and my baby was the first grandchild. So because you can't have kids and your kids are all grown it gives you a right to take all that away from me? Whatever. I didn't get to be involved in any first and nobody respected how I wanted to raise my child. So frustrating. Going to be way different with this one.I have already put my foot down.but half of my in-laws are not talking to me anyway they are mad cause im pregnant again and with a boy. Like I had anything to do with the gender. (My husbands family does a pretty poor job at producing boys, my husband is the last to carry on the family name, so a boy is a really big deal to them anyway) actually his dad is the only one talking to me and making any sense. But yeah I grew up with a bipolar mom and my in-laws hit a whole new gauge on the crazy meter.

[July29]

Yes you are correct angie mtzsanchez, it seems like if they dont trust us on doing the correct thing with our child.

[stephanie9098]

i wouldnt let it get to u!! throughout the entire pregnancy ur going to have those problems!! wat u need to look out for r the in laws that take over!! wen i had my son my mother in law tried so hard to take over she even tried giving him his first bath!! and my sister in law dont even get me started...so this time i told mmy husband already its going to be different because i want to do things on my own...my mother in law already told me she took a week off for wen i have the baby can u believe that!!

[angiemtzsanchez]

Its not the unwanted advice im sure most of us dont mind hearing some but its the butting in when it is unneccessary such as 'you should' and 'your suppose to' and is not a suggestion its a must then if they find out u didnt do it they get so upset they turn into an arguement though its our choice to take it or leave it. At least thats what im understanding about this inlaws topic

[July29]

I'm not here to fight, but like I said before thanks for the advice.

[mommyinapril202012]

Wow July you totally have it twisted obviously you were unable to comprehend my statement....wow...your unbelievable...seriously....grow up

[July29]

We are not asking for advise, we are just venting our frustration with our in laws. And the reason why is so frustrating hearing "advice" its because those are no advices those are crazy old midwife stories. But thanks for sharing your opinion.

[mommyinapril202012]

I don't get it, its like a vicious circle.  Every pregnant woman hates getting unwanted advice from other woman who have had kids and those same woman that are giving advice at one point hated getting unwanted advice also, yet they still give it......I just don't get it....

[Mommyjeep11]

I think y'all mean the poster above me. We just sold our house so we are actually living with my inlaws right now and my parents live 15 minutes away :/ I keep asking my husband if he wants to move to Alaska lol! But even then I don't think that will be far enough away from my mom.

Oh and I did my bloodwork today for my c section in the morning and they said no visitors other than my hubs until 8am. My mom freaked because she wants to get there at 7 :/ and actually had the nerve to ask if I would tell my hubs to stay home until 8 so she could go to the hospital with me WTF!! Like I wouldn't want my husband and father of my kids there!! I got so mad at her! I couldn't believe that. She said she is going to show up at the hospital at 7:30 anyways so she can be the first to hold her and take pictures. I told her no one and I mean no one not even hubs holds her before I do. Then I'm kicking everyone out except for my husband so I can nurse her. She got mad that she is on the list of people getting kicked out. But heck this is my baby not hers. She raised hers now it's my turn.

Good luck with your family. I know things are going to be tense tomorrow with mine. :/

[angiemtzsanchez]

I think its normal to have inlaws like that even though it *****! I unfortunately have the luck of having the 1st grandkid for my motherinlawn she has been on my last nerve! She is very rude n disrespectful n when shes mad at me she sends me weekly txt msgs that shes canceling my babyshower! Like I care my sisters/mom r throwing me one n she refused to make it one bug one but anyways I just give her a blank stare n never say anything but who knows one day I may snap!

[Lesley27]

lol i agree with that! mommyjeep11 is lucky! im on with my BF on the farm he grew up on... so its the house his family grew up in.... what i would give to not be in "their" teritory!
And thanks ladies for this post! Its nice to vent and relate to others!!

[July29]

Lol I thought I only had crazy in laws. Lol. I dont have a problem them buying the crib the problem I have is that they day my baby is born and they ask if I can take him to their house and I dont want to they will be rubbing it in my face that they brought me the crib. As with my mom like you girls said I can tell her what I think and if she gets mad she wont hold any resenment, noy like my in laws. I said I dont want a crib and they got mad to the point of canceling my baby shower. Ughh but all well theres nothing I can do to get them happy, now they have the idea of me not wanting anything from them. Mommyjeep11 your so lucky of moving that far away I live 15 minutes away from them. Lol

[Lesley27]

lol My mom/family is awesome, they would never just go and buy the bigger items... and even the not so bigger items, they come shopping with me and take stuff that i had intentions of buying a pay for them, or they get me to pick out what i want... my mom bought the high chair this way, or they phone and ask if there is something specific i want... ya know normal comunication skills ;)

And when this baby arrives i already told the BF that my mom will be coming and helping as his mom did it last time and its true at least with my mom i can tell her when she is driving me bonkers and she wont have a grudge! lol ... they have to continue to love me even with all the crazy hormones and all!!   i should say his mom was a big help but i had to get her to stop cause she really wasnt letting me do anything! (post csection) when im a nurse!... i make people get mobile for their own good lol

[Mommyjeep11]

My mil bought the crib for this baby but it's because she bought one for my niece a few months ago and wanted to do the same for us so I was fine with that. My problem is my mom. She keeps buying all of these clothes that I will NEVER put on my kid. She still buys my 4 yr old white shirts and light colored pants then wonders why she only sees him wear them once...yeah umm he's a little boy and white gets destroyed in a matter of seconds. I think just about every outfit she has bought my little girl is white or light pink. I mean really come on!! I try to act thankful but at the same time I just see it as a huge waste. This baby already has a full winter stash of clothes, we live in south Texas where it gets cold maybe a week out of the whole winter :/ and I think she has bought sizes ranging from 9m-24 months just for the winter :/ she's crazy. And she's all upset because I want to breastfeed and said that I'm trying to keep her grand daughter from her because of that. Like I said CRAZY!! But the great thing is that she is my mom so I can kinda put her in her place and not feel as awkward about it.

[Msme3]

I can relate! Your not selfish, hormonal or crazy! In laws are over bearing and feel they have no limits and your always the bad guy! You should hear the things my in laws tell me about pregnancy... Outrageous old wives tales that can't even medically be correct! "don't cross your legs you will suffocate the baby" "don't cross your arms your stop circulation to the baby" "don't watch scary movies the devil will take your baby's soul" "if you hear the baby cry (the one in your belly mind you) that means your baby is dead" really the list continues and gets more outrageous. I am always explaining to them how certain things are just not medically possible! N they get pissed off lol and as for them getting me stuff they get all offended when I dont want certain things. They say I think I'm to good for 2nd hand stuff which is not true! Little kids grow up fast m run threw clothes my problem is don't give me things that are stained with baby crap... Throw up... Formula or whatever discoloration is on the clothing. That's gross and I'm not putting it on my kid! After years of my husband explaining n fighting with them and I standing up for myself we have come to a point where I just don't talk to them at all! When we do see them I'm civil and leave it at that. No calls, no text, no Facebook nothing! It's just so easier this way! They are unbearable and we are actually moving even farther from them 21 hours away and I can't wait to put even more distance between us!

[mumniya]

I understand were your coming from my sister tries to tell me what's ok or not ok to do while pregnant this is my SECOND CHILD & Im the OLDEST & not by like a year or two I'm 23 n she is 17 it gets on my nerves lol but his family is probably hurt and offended I know at the time you were upset n thought your hubby can do a better job In talking to them but as I've come to learn that doesn't really work out lol maybe you should talk to them tell them you felt overwhelmed with the comments...also with the bby shopping I didn't get to do that with my daughter my mom bought alot of stuff so I get it but I also loved that she did that it was her first granddaughter and she was excited and happy I had the pleasure of putting everything together :) but if u want to do all the bby shopping just tell them that you also what to experience that they should understand your not being selfish just a mommy lol

[July29]

Lol thanks lesly27 I will join the july group thanks for telling me. Haha and thanks for making me feel like I'm no crazy pregnant girl lol, but since it's my first baby I want to enjoy every second if it. And yes it sounds like we have the same in laws. I know they do it in the nice way but enough is enough. And if I dont put a stop to it right now once my baby boy is born they are going to want to be the ones making decisions. I really enjoy having a conversation with you.

[Lesley27]

Hey so i see that you are due July 29th... there is a July group forum if you are interested :)      http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Pregnancy-July-2012-Babies/show/1284

Im due July 20th... i find out Tuesday if my Dr will bump me to the 25th as i just went for an US and thats what it was measuring  :)

[Lesley27]

Okay LOL im pretty sure we could have the same in laws!! that was my whole problem is mine dont know their boundaries in everything but seriously! they bought me the stroller/car seat... which is awesome i know BUT they didnt ask if i was looking into any specific, didnt talk to me AT ALL! it turns out i really love it but really? normally people dont buy big stuff without talking first! they gave me a crib that was over 20 years old... i dont want it! its dropside, the peices that slide down are PLASTIC! and one if the peices was broken! so i bought my own but i could tell it hit a nerve... for Christmas my MIL bought a john deere wagon... for the name im sure but realistically i would NEVER have bought it EVER... i wanted one of those plastic ones that has the seatbelts on either side, and plastic as i live on a farm with tons of tom cats that pee on everything! so teh untreated WOOD on the JD wagon is horrible you cant leave it out ever just in case a cat pees on it and it has no seat belts, its aged 2 and up and ***** when you child wont stay sitting... but no didnt talk to me at all for that! then my SIL bought my daughters whole winter outfit! not for any occasion, didnt ask if i wanted something specific(we dont have the same style!) and im pretty sure she didnt even have her own kids outfits yet...its like she ran out right when the winter stock hit shelves to make sure she bought something first! i should add that i had the first girl in the family and my SIL isnt having anymore kids so i have the "daughter she never had" so i should be okay with that...and i quote that becasue thats why my in laws tel me all the time! the problem is shes my daughter, i want to dress her and decide on what i get for her! so i understand your frustrations!! it *****! i honestly just wish i could move away! it would be so much easier! lol but its hard to move a whole farm :( i could go on forever with stuff they buy, honestly its non stop! well until i mention to my MIL that she doesnt have to buy everything and it would be nice if they would leave stuff for me to decide on and buy.... thats where it got pretty bad... so we will see if they listen or just ignore me like anything else ive mentioned... so for sure id really start to let your hubby know how you feel... its so hard to get your feeling out when it comes to "their" family but i got to the point where im so serious i feel it would be easier to leave then deal with them and he finally started listening.... and I KNOW its sounds petty "oh she doesnt like gifts" but its so much more than that....it never ends! and i could keep going with them crossing the boundaries but im sure you get what im saying!

[July29]

And besides I feel like they want to buy everything for my baby, yes I should be glad they want to do that. But I feel like we my husband and I should be living that experience of buying things together for our baby. Idk if I'mbeen selfish but I believe thats how it should be. They can buy like little thing, not everything he needs. My husband got mad because he says right now we can't afford a crib so I should swallow" their opinions.

[July29]

Lol yes if I say something his whole family will jumping and be against me. I have never been closed to his family until recently but because of my baby. He did step up but he did it the wrong way. I just told him I didn't want my sister in law to buy the crib because it seems it was giving her the power to talk more. he just said I was been hormonal and I didn't want nothing from them. I haven't spoke to his family since last week but now I feel uncomfortable since I have to be the one saying what was bothering me.

[mandy_28]

I used to be a massage therapist and a neck massage DOES NOT cause preterm labor. Massaging the lower back and feet can but that's at the very end. I'm sorry that your not getting one from your babies dads side off the family.....maybe they will come to their senses and realize that not throwing you one its going to be something they will regret. Especially if its your first.

[Lesley27]

Oh i totally hear ya! i have in laws that tend to "get in my space" and its rough, especially when they are being "nice"... its so hard to explain too without sounding like the bad one but there are limits! I am trying to get it on my BFs head that i am not over reacting and he needs to set the limits cause trust me no good will come if your the one who speaks up... it sounds like it would be a good plan but there are too many against you and if you tick off one then you know they all will be mad.... Ya pretty much all they are telling you is a bunch of BS! well other than the walking...thats good but i can say that personally im so tired most of the time that walking may be a couple times a week :( (but spring is here...hope to step it up) Shrimp-depending how its served is just fine as long as you watch your portions (just like majority of other seafoods) Spicy food? ive read so many mommas comment on how much they crave spice when prego, not to mention how many countries eat spicy food routinely! ive never heard it being a no no? (maybe someone can educate me otherwise but i cant see it being off the menu- well i guess it can cause heartburn for you but i cant see it affecting baby?) And yes massages done by professionals are safe! they know what they are doing, they are educated and would be the experts when it comes to where not to massage... like a prev post said just let them know your prego... And when in doubt you can always talk to your Dr so that way you can say "my Dr said its fine" lol

I know it seems bad now, but it will all blow over, my daughter is 20 months and im due again in another 4 months and i live far to close to my in laws and yes they are nice ppl and im sure it could be worse but space is needed and your hubby is gonna have to step it up.... to make YOU happy cause you should be priority! not saying he has to pick sides but he needs to protect your feelings if this is bugging you... it took FOREVER for my guy to talk to his mom and he did a horrible job and didnt get my point across but at least he tried? lol Hopefully your guy steps up and has better comunication skills ;) But anyway hang in there! I hope it gets better.... its a tough spot to be in! gotta love family!!

[RippedonScotch]

Did you or your husband step up and say anything to them?   I have been going to massage for years! and as long as the therapist knows you are pregnant you are fine.   there are spots that they can't touch but it's like lower back areas in the first trimester and then your legs, ankles and feet.  there is nothing about your shoulders and neck  You should talk to your husband too.  He should be able to support you and talk to his family.  hopefully you can get to talk to them and get everything back to normal.