Speaking of names.. LAST name dilemma

[LauraB78]

What do you ladies think..

Do I give our son my last name or my ex's?

Traditionally, he would have my ex's, and I am a traditional kind of girl, but I have no idea what kind of legal reprocussions (if any) there are? Would it be foolish for me to give my son my ex's last name?

[LauraB78]

*last name dilemma... oops

And Atlantisea.. That's cool.. I thought I was being original.. I guess not! =)
I really do love the name, though!

[Atlantisea]

I have a nephew that is 15 yrs called Jaxon..

[LauraB78]

Well,

Dinner went ok  His parents were really nice but somewhat quiet. I am glad they had an opportunity to meet me and they can now form their own opinion.

My ex was cordial and was sortof picking on me like old times (when things were good..) so that was awkward but in a nice way.

I am still torn about the mast name dilemma but I have a few months to ponder. Thank you all sooo much for sharing your experiences and stories. They bring up MANY good points that I hadn't considered!

XO
Laura

BTW- I think I may have settled on a name for our son..

I like Jaxon.. (Jackson, but spelled uniquely... What do you think?)

[msgorgeous]

GOOD luck laura hope the dinner goes well for you cant wait to hear the update ;) Thata a hard decison on what las name to use. Im in to the tradintional ways to If i was in your same situation im not exactly sure what i would do. but as of now id name my baby after his father to keep the last name going etc...but then again you ex has treated you and the baby bad

[Tracy21]

i think you should give your son your surname my son has my name which is Love because my ex was childish and didn't want my son having his name but my daughter has my partners name (new partner not ex lol) which is McIntyre so both my kids have different names and when i get married my son is staying Love and im changing to Mcintyre i just dont want to change his name he knows what it is and in the future he can decided to change it if he wants. so i would say give your son your surname and maybe years down the line if your ex partner takes responsibilty of his son maybe your son will want it changed it but thats my opinion let use know what you do take care

[lolagrl]

what u decide to do is obviously ur decision in the long run.but if asking for opinions mine is this give him ur last name.ur ex is already playing games and from experience the unfortunate truth is things probably will never be easy between u guys even if he wants to take responsibility.think of the future.i gave my daughter my exes name and now that i am gettin ready to have another child and marry my new guy he is very upset and hurt he cant have her share his name as well.and it hurts me to have to hear mrs so and so anytime i take her anywhere and have to constantly say no im mr.blah blah instead.it may sound ridiculous but it gets annoying and it hurts to know that trying to move on u never really can.

[LauraB78]

Hey all....


Quick update..

Tonight I meet K's (ex) parents. We are going to dinner in just 2.5 short hours.. Wish me luck and I will post some sort of update later or tomorrow..


Laura

[LittleBit310]

Depending on the state you live in you can put your exes name in the father spot and give the baby your last name. I find that it is not uncommon.

[Mumita]

I think also that in terms of tradition, I wouldn't give my child his biological father's last name unless we were married.  I think giving a child the father's last name is sort of an honor for the man.  And this guy deserves no honor.

[onlyme27]

If there is any possibility that you may regret giving the child his last name, stick with yours.  You don't want to give the child his last name only to wish you hadn't and get it changed later on.  That may only confuse the child.  I had my son out of wedlock and gave him his father's name.  I felt that was the right choice for me and my son.  Every situation in different.  Just don't let anyone try to pressure you into anything one way or the other.  When in doubt, just stick with your name.

[JoyRenee]

I can only give you a friend's testimony--- she got pregnant out of wedlock to an abusive jerk. She gave her daughter his last name and regrets it with a passion and wants to change her little girl's last name to her own.

I think, to be safe, you should give your baby your last name. And if you marry in the future, your husband can adopt your child and their name would legally be changed to his.

[Whitneylauren]

Here is my experience:

I gave my first child his bio- dad's last name. At the time we were still together, but ended up splitting after another year. That was two years ago. In that time he has refused to pay child support or even take any responsibility to check on my son, call him, see him etc. Still he refuses to let my husband, who is basically the only father my son has ever known, adopt my son. This is problematic because Micah (my son) will never share our last name, and I worry that he might feel as though he is not a part of the family because of that difference. I know that is how my half sister felt.....
So basically giving my ex's last name to my son has been a burden on us, and unless your ex has honorable intentions to be around for your baby I wouldn't do it.....

[FEOT]

I would use your last name. My best friend was in a similar situation, he isnt to much of an a*Hole but he sure isnt the best guy around. She lived in the smallest town you can think of and well he never came around. He was there when she delivered and was very supportive but even after that she said hell no this child is having my last name. He hasnt been around and he doesnt deserve to have his last name. She did the right think, till this day (baby is 10 months) he comes around maybe every 3 weeks or so, if that. He doesnt help her out and when he says he is, he never come thru. I would use your last name.

[feather2e]

As far as I am concerned any name is an honour to be deserved,your ex has not proved he is worthy of having a child with his name so i believe you should use yours.

[BTS1022]

I can imagine. I have been keeping up with your (ex) posts lol. I know how it feels as I have been through the same situation with my oldest sons father. BUT even though our paternity test came back proving he WAS the father, he has not had any contact with my oldest son for the last 4 years. He said the same, that he wanted involvement IF the baby was his, but after realising what an A$$ he made out of himself, he stopped all contact and relations. I think he bought my son 1 can of formula and 1 bag of diapers since day 1. But my hubby has been an excelent father to him, and is the only father he knows, which is why we just collected back child support, and made my ex give up his parental rights so my hubby could legally adopt him. It is hard for my son because I have another son, and a son on the way with my husbands last name, and my oldest always asks why his lastname was different from mommy's and his brothers, so to end the confusion we had his name changed.

My son is going on 5 in Feb, and hasn't seen his real father since he was 3 days old.

[mamaofonetrying42]

My hubby and I were not married when we had our son, I did give him his last name as I knew we would be getting married sometime. Now if i was in your postion I would give him your last name unless your ex. signs the birth certificate then i would give him his..

[LauraB78]

He wants a paternity test..

He wants involvement once he "knows.." Which is stupid b.c I havent had sex with anyone else in over a year, and we were obviously still together when the baby was conceived.. he's been a bit of an a$$

[BTS1022]

In my opinion I would give your child your last name. If the ex doesnt want to step up and take full responsability for a baby that is his, then he shouldnt have any name rights, such as his last name.

There isn't any legal reprocussions in choosing a last name to go on the baby's birth certificate, but I would be careful on putting the ex's name as the daddy as that can be a bit more of an issue. In a way it's good, because then he has to own up to his responsabilities with child support and so forth, but I know in some states in order to place a certain man as the father on the birth cert. there either has to be a paternity test, or a proof of marriage.

[LauraB78]

I know.. I was set in giving him my last name until I pondered the future a bit more..

I do think I will find someone someday that is fantastic and end up marrying.. At that point I wouldnt have the same last name as my son anyway.. I am just unsire and it probably sounds ridiculous to some of you, but I really never thought I would find myself in this position, and now that I am, it is a difficult decision to make. As I mentioned before, I like to think of myself as pretty traditional...

Someone asked if I think I would get back together w. my son's Father, and the answer to that is "no, not at all likely." He is just not what I am looking for and is very childish and selfish. We just view life differently and I honestly (barring a huge miracle) don't see our issues as ever being reconcileable...

Uggh. But thanks for all the advice!! I will keep you all posted as to what I decide..


And KRISSYY!!!

You are still hanging around, huh?? =)

[krissyy]

i think give him your last name...your ex has wanted nothing to do with his little boy and has been absolutely horrible to you!!  and very immature about the entire situation.  

[Mumita]

If at the point when your baby is born, your ex is still being an a-hole and not recognizing him as his son then definitely give your son YOUR last name.  If the guy wants to be part of your son's life then I'd say give him the last name otherwise keep the baby yours only.

[Jame0223]

My cousin was with a guy and had Cailen, my "nephew" as I call him. She gave him the father's last name. Then the guy started beating her up when Cailen was a baby and now they live here in AZ with us, while he's in jail in WA! They were engaged when Cailen was born, so naturally he got daddy's last name...

If he had started beating her up while she was pregnant, I will bet you Cailen would have gotten my cousin's last name!

When I was pregnant I planned on giving my baby Steven's last name...and we looked at names that went with Thibodeau lol..Unfortunately I miscarried though. If he would have left me during the pregnancy I would have changed my mind...

It all depends on the situation that you're in..and seeing as you're not with the father I would give the baby your last name. My dad actually left my mom at the end of her pregnancy with my brother. My brother got my mom's last name but after my dad came back and they married, they both got his last name! lol

Its up to you, and don't feel obligated to please your ex or anything. He doesn't deserve it..do what you want!

[mj_mommy_manda]

Im giving my baby my last name and if Travis and I end up getting married (which isn't likely) then we will change his last name to Travis's last name.. I just want him to have my last name because of the same reasons and alaysha.. Im the primary caretaker (I will be taking him to his doctors appointments, picking him up from daycare, etc. etc.) In all honesty you can give your baby the last name Dingleheimer if you wanted to.. I don't think there is much legality and just because the baby has the dad's last name it wouldn't mean that he gets custody of him or anything..

[mj_mommy_manda]

in the third line I meant to say AS alaysha, not AND alaysha.. sorry