This isn't going to make me popular....

[LauraB78]

I know this is going to upset a lot of you fantastic women on this board that are ttc. I had posted 2 weeks ago unsure what to do b/c of my situation...

I am 29 years old (until tomorrow..the big 3-0) and I am soo stressed out. My (ex) and I cannot have a conversation without screaming. He is so mean to me that I am starting to wonder if keeping this baby ( I am 8 weeks) is the right decision. This poor child will be brought into a world w/ parents whom are not only living totally seperately, but cannot stand each other. I have very little money, and this baby means I would have to find a place of my own. I currently have room mates and live in a super expensive area of the world and DOUBT I could continue living here. I have no family anywhere nearby, and even if they were, none are in a position to assist me.. I have NO idea what to do. I am totally stressed out. I need advice.

I have heard of programs to help single mother's and many are NOT available here. I LOVE my job and I love where I live. Having this baby means my lifestyle will totally take a downfall and I will lose my job, my demographic (so to speak) and everything semi-stable I do have. I am not a selfish person, but I honestly am doubting me decision. I know no one else can make it for me, but I am feeling helpless and lost... I swear I am not usually such a whiner but I have never been so depressed and lonely in all my life.


PLEASE ADVISE!!

[Michele, Katy, TX]

No one is trying to make her feel guilty.  We are only giving her OUR OPINIONS just as you did.  This is an open forum and she did ask for opinions and she got them.  From both sides.

Pumping propaganda???  Are you serious??  Not give our opinions any merit??  That is quite a bold statement from someone that is no different from anyone else on here.  Don't know why your opinion deserves more merit than anyone elses.  I am not trying or going to argue with you.  But no one on here is trying to make her feel guilty.  Just simply giving opinions just as she asked for.

[Crysi]

I am totally pro choice (in early abortion) and I am sorry that people on here are trying to make you feel guilty for considering abortion as an option.

I do not think that it is a selfish option, you know what is best for you and what you can and can not do. If you are unable to provide for a child at this time, with no home to bring this child into (not in a marital sense as in a house) you need to decide whether you can do that. This is not selfish, this is realizing that you may not be able to give a child a "proper" life.

I miscarried at 8 weeks and it was devastating to me, only after I lost my baby did I really realize how much I wanted him/her. Which isn't something that you will be able to determine untill after it is too late. Think about what emotionally you can handle, guilt, loss, etc.

Just please do not give merit to the pro life people on here pumping propaganda at you, they are not you and can not possibly pass judgement on you and your choices.

Best of luck with you decision.

[martikadragoon]

I feel for you, I really do. And I understand about how you couldn't carry the baby 9 months and give it up. and YES it is your choice.
but honestly... I see abortion as a SELFISH choice because it's only making your life better, it's doing nothing but ending a life that could be a good one in this world.

You may not think you can handle/raise a baby. But I'm telling you, you can find a way, any woman can esp. if it's they're child.. If your EX is such a jerk, then you need to speak to him about arranging custody NOW for the child. He will HAVE to help you out by paying child support which can help you a great deal.

You DO have child care options in MA.  You've got WIC available. I looked it up to be sure. And I'm sure there are other options like Medicaid for health care for you and the baby. which you'll be eligible for . You CAN keep your job, and your work is REQUIRED by LAW under FMLA to give you the required 6-8 weeks off after childbirth. As well as up to 4months total of leave if you become disabled and sent to bedrest due to pregnancy.

There ARE options, and you need to explore ALL of them before you make a decision.

No I'm not downing you. But it breaks my heart every time I hear of a woman who's aborted a perfect child... I had to deal with reading a story of a woman who aborted her baby due to Down Syndrome... THE DAY I Found out my son has it. I cried... but couldn't blame her because it is a tough thing to handle........ I hope you make your decision and are able to make one you'll never regret.

I'd also suggest even tho your not interested in it looking into Open Adoption. you may find something you like, and if the father contests it, then you need to have him PROVE he can help you care for the baby.  

[rachie204]

i dont really know what to say but I offer my story in hopes of some way being a help to you.  When I was 16 I got pregnant and my parents although strong christians freaked and urged me to go to the abortion clinic.  I went and was told to come back the next day if I wanted the abortion.  I was 12 weeks an horrified, I hadnt finished school and I couldnt care for a baby.  I knew I could not go back to that place though.  I found a chrisitan maternity home www.thelivingvine.org  and decided to stay there for the duration of my pregnancy.  While there I began to see God and knew that I wanted to keep my baby.  My son was born while I was still 16, and had no father.  My parents who were very against the pregnancy in the beginning were the proudest grandparents ever.  After giving birth I got my GED and enrolled in college, I got my real estate license and began work.  By the time my son was 6 months old I began dating my now husband and he is the best father ever.  In the beginning I had no idea what i would do or where  i would turn but in the end i found my way.  I do not support abortion but that is a decision only you can make for yourself.  I have no regrets at all.  I think it would be worth it to move if you decide to keep the child to some place that has more assistance, esecially since you dont have any family where you are.  There will always be other jobs, I wish you the best and hope you make the right decision for you and your baby.

[nikko*ttc]

From someone who has been in your shoes... My first child was with another person. He was and still is totally irresponsible. He has tried more than once for partial custody, but his actions have even disallowed unsupervised visitations. It was so hard at first. I just knew that abortion was not for me and that there was no way I could handle adoption. Just knowing that a child I created would be out there somewhere gave me a bad feeling. I ultimately decided to keep the child myself and work it out as it came. It was really hard those first couple of years. I had to fight the babies daddy and his mother for full custody of her. Currently, babies fathers mother gets visitation 1st and 3rd weekend of every month as well as two weeks in the summer, and he has the option to see here only under her supervision. Between the time I had her, I went back to school and earned my BS degree and am currently working on my MS. If it wasn't for education there is no way I could be in the situation ready to have another child again. Of course it helps to have a loving husband and two incomes now. But I didn't have that to start with. You say you are in an area that you really like but is very expensive. I understand that as well. Ever looked up the cost of living in the DC area, not where I currently live either. I am now in TN, much cheaper to live here. I had to sacrifice alot to keep a roof over our heads but looking back it wa well worth it. Alot of work places have a 800 number that you can use to talk to a counselor, they will also tell you about programs available in your area. Hopefully your job is portable and you may be able to find something else better. But you never know unless you try. It is scary to consider all the changes of pregnancy and then all the changes in your life. If you need someone to talk to just PM me, be glad to help in anyway I can. Just to let you know, it wasn't as hard going back to school to get a degree as most people think. You get more funding from the government as a mother in the way of grants, scholarships, and loans. When I made the inital steps, I figured I would try it out but there was no way I could afford it. I was offered a grant that covered all of my tuition, scholarships that covered my books and gas, and then I borrowed the max from the government to help pay my day to day bills. I was able to get a job on campus that allowed me to basically get paid to do my homework and I only had to work part-time to make up for the little odds and ends like new clothes for daughter and medical expenses. You can make it but only if you try, but first you need a plan.

[Kim1989]

your not the only own who is in that situation. my babies father left me at 6 weeks for his ex.he told me he hated me. he told me he would make me miscarry. he told me im a *****. he told me if i did have this baby he would take him away from me and put him up for adoption. he told me he hoped the baby and i died right before he left for boot camp. he would not talk to me. i was a wreck the entire pregnancy. i felt alone scarred and worried. his father and i would fight. he punched me in my face and busted my lip so bad my mom took me to the hospital to make sure i didnt need any stitches. so yeah we would fight and scream at eachother.

****i couldnt have an abortion becasuse i knew i couldnt deal with that guilt. having an aboriton is forever and you cant go back and change that. but if you continue with the pregnancy at very least you could give your child up for adoption.

i dont and didnt want my son to grow up in a broken home and i still struggle with him not having a father (i feel). but he has a mother! he has people who love him more than anything! and i look at him now and i couldnt even imagin having had an abortion. he has brought me so much joy and happiness! there are so many children in this world with no fathers or grow up in a broken home. but they have strong mothers. if you do decied to keep your baby YOU CAN DO IT.  YOU WILL FIND WAY

i would recomend giving you baby up for adoption. your child will love you so much if you give him or her the chance at life. that way you give you baby a chance. its a big decision you have to make and i wish you the best!