How do you know when you're REALLY ready for TTC?

[bioclock1]

For those of you who planned your babies or are currently pregnant and intentionally ttc, how did you know you were ready? DH and I agreed last Christmas (or before??) that we would try in June of 09. Now that this is fast approaching, we are wondering (mostly me, he's all for waiting) if it's really the right time. I know everyone says that you're never 100% ready and if you wait to have money, you'll never do it. But even though I'm 27 going on 28 in Nov, and my biological clock is saying "tick tick tick" I can't help but feel anxious. I'm suddenly aware of the fact that there is "no going back" and that "we have so much ahead of us" and "it doesn't hurt to wait" (these are things my family has said). We'll have been married for 3 years in December and I'll be finished with graduate school in Septembe of this year. I know no one can tell me an answer for my own conflict here, but I'm hoping to hear some stories/advice/reassurance or facts about your individual experiences and how you KNEW you were ready.

Thanks a bunch!

[bioclock1]

Well, you all make very good points. I'm in total agreement with SWEETANGEL7 about being prepared and not having to "live off" anyone else. Of course, i'd like to add that this doesn't mean "MOM AND DAD" can't help out if something out of the ordinary occurs, but I think this is far different from planning a child, knowing you CAN'T care for it. That's why DH and i have waited these 2 years of marriage. We wanted to really understand each other and know our limits and strengths. I feel that we do now, and I think we both agreed last night that June is our month> I"M SO EXCITED but nervous!! I had a dream last night about breast feeding my son, again! Mind you we have 0 children but I have dreampt about our "SON" for 2 years now. I've seen what he will look at when he's 5 and i've had 3 dreams now about breast feeding him. What I'm shocked by is that in these dreams, my mom and girl friends are around to help the first time, but I totally know what I'm doing. And the feeling I have of placing that baby boy on my breast is the most amazing experience ever!!
Maybe I"m weird, but I feel like these are sorta premonitions, telling me that I'll be okay. i have almost NO doubt (and havne't for 2 years) that our first child will be a boy. I'm just so amazed that I can dream of a FEELING that i've never had the opportunity to experience in reality b/c obvioulsy, I don't have a child. And...everything i've ever heard about breast feeding is that it is VERY diffiicult. So why in the world would i dream about it being a piece of cake??

Sorry for the ramble. I ramble when i get excited!!!

[gokuangel]

TY guys!! I totally get what every1 is saying! That makes sense now if i could just get my dh to see that!   Sweet.. you make sense too thats the problem we are waiting on, the economy has caused my DH's job to come to a screeching halt! We are relying on family and small pc repair jobs to scrape by but there is a job starting very soon and the possibility of a bigger job that will last a yr im hoping it comes through!! Now when my dh is working yes we can afford a baby our only payments monthly are water,electric,internet and cell phone other than those all the rest could go towards a baby!
Joy-you sound like me im not a career person either i had worked since i was 16 though I had too yuck! graduated hs and business school but i totally sucked at work, interviews, keeping a job all of it and when i met my dh he took over the work roles and our finances and now i have not been working for 3 yrs!

[sweetangel7]

I think the keys to knowing when you are ready are STABILITY and INDEPENDENCE.  For dh and I, we knew that we would be ready after college, after jobs, and after I HAD to get my master's degree in order to keep my job and have stability and financial independence.  For us, it was also important to buy a home before having a child.  Renting can be a great thing for some people but you are at someone else' s mercy...what if they sell the place and the new landlord wants the tenants out...what if they don't pay their mortgage and the place gets foreclosed...to much uncertainty.

By taking our time to get our lives together, it allowed us to have a great time as a twosome and really bond in our relationship before introducing a new life into the mix.  We were together for 10 years to the month I got pregnant  and married for 3 of the ten years.  We'd lived together for 8 of the ten years.  

I think you shouldn't base your decision on the economy BUT I do think it is everyone's responsibility to make sure they can afford the child that they are choosing to bring into this world.  IF, because of the economy, you have lost your job for example then I do not think it would be appropriate to try to have kids (unless if you have substantial savings to support them and pay your own health insurance and put food on the table and a roof over your heads.)  Sorry if this sounds rotten but I think being independent (not relying on mom and dad or the taxpayers) is a very crucial part of deciding when you are ready.
**I'm not implying that this is your case...I'm just saying 'you' hypothetically as in anyone in this situation***

[martikadragoon]

Gokuangel~ I gotta add to Joy's reply> I didn't base it on economy either... however, I did make sure that we'd have enough money to live....

And I do agree with Joy... if you based it on the economy or for that matter ANYTHING in life then you'd NEVER have kid's/ttc because you'd always have a reason NOT to ttc..

[JoyRenee]

gokuangel- I didn't base TTC on the economy because we have and probably always will have economical fluctuations. There's always going to be something in the way, convincing you that the time isn't right to have a baby. That's why you have to just dive in and do it. You'd be amazed that you find the willpower to cut your spending to pay for the costs of having a child.

[JoyRenee]

I wanted to be a young mom (and I am a younger mom). I'm not a career-oriented person and have always known I'd be a mom.

And I'm a person that just usually goes with the flow. Are we rich and made of money? Heck no. But I know that everything will be alright.

The older you get, the harder is MIGHT be to get pregnant and you run higher risks of problems with baby. It'll be worth it. I promise!

[gokuangel]

You make such a good point about the economy but im sooo scared things are never going to get better and what would happen if i did get my BFP!! And i have been trying for many years so if all these herbs and vitamins dont work how much longer will i have to keep waiting for us to have the $$ for treatments!! It's all so confusing!! But none of you guys think the decision should be based on economy? As far as everything else me and my DH are great we been together 4 yrs married 2 yrs we just moved into our home his parents got us (no mortgage thank goodness) we 're just trying to get settled in now!

[gokuangel]

ok whoa sorry but i first have to say all your info is exact to mine LOL! i'm 27 will be 28 in November as well having my 3 yrs anniversary on that day also.! As far as TTC i have no clue im just not preventing i'm taking vitamins and herbs and seeing what happens if it doesnt then i ll know it was meant to be just yet and as soon as i can afford a dr i will go but if does happen i ll know it's finally my turn!!

[kjbutcher]

you will always have those things running through your head.  You will be in labor saying this is the last time we are going to watch this show as a family of two...  But once that baby is out you will know you made the right decision and you wont look back!!  In fact, from the minute I had my son I wished I had done it sooner.  He is 18 months and I am still kicking myself for waiting the extra time.

[martikadragoon]

Well TJ was unplanned (By dh at least. I WANTED to be pregnant) and I loved it even tho it was hard and even tho TJ turned out to have so many health issues. However, DH and I have decided together to try for # 2 now that TJ is over 7 months old.  What caused us to decide was mainly the fact that we feel we've handled TJ's birth and life thus far easily (well once the hard stuff was over'ish)

We feel that it's one of the best things we did with our lives.... so we decided on #2... and now it's not working (however we are on month 2 ONLY of TTC so we have plenty of time before I call a doctor)

[bioclock1]

Thank you so much for sharing your stories. The common theme in all of them is that regardless of how "ready' you may or may not be, it is all worth it when the baby arrives. That's a really important message and it helps me gain some perspective, so I appreciate it. In my heart, I know i'm ready and the thoughts are just normal thoughts. I know we'll be ready together and that DH will be a wonderful father. We're away from all family and friends right now b/c of my husband's job but I know that won't be forever.
I feel more calm and will be able to refer to this post if I start freaking out again. Hopefully, June will be our month (but that's up to DH!) :)

[krushing]

I'm 28 and 31 weeks pregnant.  I've been with DH for 8 years and we'll be married 5 years this April.  DH wanted to wait until we were married for 8 years in the beginning before TTC.  We are where we want to be in our careers, we have the house of our dreams, and we've enjoyed our time alone.  I had an oops pregnancy in 2006 that ended in a m/c.  DH and I were so heartbroken, but realized we were ready!  So, we decided to actually try the first of 2008.  That resulted in another m/c.  After extensive testing and the help of an RE, we got pregnant in August, 2008 and are due to have a boy in May.  Now, that we are coming up on our son's due date, we are starting to get anxious and nervous.  We both wanted a child, but now that the time is approaching, we are having doubts (or I should say last minute jitters).  We love him and went through a lot to get this far to have him, but you still wonder if you are ready.  If you wait until you are 100% ready it will be too late, because that never happens.  Something will always come up!

[Mumita]

Bioblock1- There were many times before being pregnant that I questioned the same thing, no more time to be just me and my husband...That's why we waited 6 1/2 years because we weren't "ready" we didn't feel like we had done enough together to share with someone else. But now that I am pregnant it doesn't bother me.  Other things freak me out but mostly is about money, but that's a whole new post.
My husband has changed  A LOT since I became pregnant, for the better, he is sooo excited to be a dad and have a little boy to share with, play cars with, everything, he's thrilled.  Of course even in a marriage you don't give up who you are, you just share who you are with your spouse.  So having kids doesn't mean that you and your husband wont be the same couple as you were before, it doesn't mean that you give up your life to devote to your kid, it means that you'll all be sharing your life together. You'll be the same with a baby to take care of.
We also have a big family support network so, they are excited to help out when we need them.
My husband is training for triathlons, he will continue to do so when we have the baby and I am cool with that, it just means that Me and Baby will be going to watch daddy at his races.  Same as daddy will come to little leage to watch his son, or piano recitals.  But that's how we are....

[hkenny]

I dont think you can ever really be ready. I nagged my husband for a year before we started ttc. it only took us 2 months and now i am due in 7 weeks. I dont feel ready now and thought I was!!  I just know that when this little one arrives it will all be ok and we will both be "ready"

[pinkbelle]

i am 23 years old and i have a nine month old baby girl and i would not change that for the world.. our pregnancy was not planned..  babies are a lot of work and they do take alot of your freedom away but u get soo much more back..  i know its scary to think about all the things a baby needs and expenses and such but to me all the money in the world means nothing but my baby girl she means everything to me!.. there is always time for vacations and time for me to advance my career i have my whole life ahead of me for those things..  but what if something were to happen to me at least i know that  one of my dreams came true i had my beautiful baby girl... u cant life your life for the the what ifs because u will wake up one day and suddenly realize u wished u had did things differently. .

"I know that once we have children we can never go back to the way things were before" ...

dh and i's relationship has changed since having aubree..  we may not go out as often anymore.. we may have less romantic evenings as we did before but we have gained soo much more .. we created a life together.. a beautiful baby girl.  she is a part of both of us .. the best parts as a matter of fact.. and i would never want to go back to the way things were.. we have such a strong bond and having aubree only made that bond stonrger!..

the choice is yours and your hubbys you do whats right for u .. i know that i have done whats right for me. : )

[bioclock1]

Nicmom-  I wish that I could say DH felt the way you and you're husband do. DH gets closer to wanting a baby every year and has played with my  nephew and held our friend's kids and he looks so perfect holding them! Our friends' have a boy who is now 3 but we've known them since he was 1 and my DH often instinctively holds him while walking across the street or trying to help him see something his siblings are doing. Yet, when we talk about ttc, DH says "this year" but then he admits to not wanting to give up his free time or "lazy weekends." That's part of why i'm confused. I know he'll be ready to start trying (as in whenever it happens but not preventing it) soon, but at the same time, I feel this mental pressure to make a decision that takes his needs as a 26 y/o male into consideration. I wish we were that couple right now (like you) that says "LETS DO THIS NOW" together. That eagerness is not present in him, although IN the back of my mind I truly think he's ready and just scared.

Mumita-  you're right about the economy and not being able to predict things. I know that in my heart, but my mind just says "they're so expensive!!". Also, I know without a shadow of a doubt,as you do, that my husband and I are with each other through thick and thin. We've been together just 3 years but he's so mature for his age and so loving and helpful. He's been so great to me all these years and I can only imagine how wonderful of a father he'll be. Now that you're pregnant, do you ever freak out about no more free time? ONe of my biggest fears about getting pregnant now comes from my clients who had children very young (16 to 22) and they say "just wait!! they take so much from your life!" That honestly scares me b/c in my mind, I know that once we have children, we can never "go back" to the way things were. YEt, at the same time, i know that after finishing grad school, I'm ready for the next chapter. UGHHHH>....i can't handle the indecision running in my mind!!! :)

[Mumita]

Well, I am 28 and 5 months pregnant and we didn't come to this decision lightly.  My husband and I have been together for 8 years, 6 1/2 married.  We have moved to different places, gotten ahead in our jobs, my husband went to graduate school, I started working, we bought a nice house, we've traveled a lot.  We have done many things as a couple, gone through many situations in which we've had to stick together, build our nest together, support each other, so we know each other very well and have a very solid and strong relationship "foundation".  You can build anything on a strong foundation.
We decided to start ttc in 2008  with "no rush" meaning, we weren't really trying at first, just if it happened then that would be fine but we weren't going to "try". We thought that we'd be doing well economically (definitely didn't expect the downturn in the economy).  I got pregnant 2 months after we made the decision and then I had a miscarriage soon after.  Then we started taking ttc a little more seriously, meaning having sex around O. so I got pregnant 5 cycles after my miscarriage.
We are pretty broke right now because of the economy so I wouldn't base your decision on economical security because that changes.
I don't think that you are ever prepared. We just knew that we love each other more than anything, we trust each other 100%, we have the same goals and attitudes towards life and we would like to grow our relationship even more by sharing together a family of our own.  I know that we both would support each other through thick and thin, through baby's crying or poopy diapers, temper tantrums, economy downturns etc.  So our relationship makes us ready.  I wouldn't ever want to have a baby if I knew that I was going to be on my own or not have the unconditional support of my partner and vice versa.
That's all I can say how I know I am ready.

[NicMom]

I've seen people wait for way to long to sort out school, housing, new jobs, that next vacation, etc. They always find an excuse and then at at 40 they start freaking out trying to have a baby. My dh and I decided to try in 07 and got pregnant the first month. That sadly did not work out and then we took a break for our wedding and vacations and just tons of thing that were around the corner. When we started trying again the timing wasn't perfect because I had lost my job and our new insurance has a stupid high deductible. That didn't stop us because we just know this is the next step in our lives and we don't want to way any longer.

For us it was little things like every time we go to dinner and there was a toddler at the next table we wanted to go over and play with him. Or when we saw a baby we couldn't help, but talk about what our baby would look like. We had full blown baby fever.

I think when it's the right time for you then you just know, but that's how it was for me. I don't assume everyone is the same.

[bioclock1]

Thanks so much for your reply. I'm sorry you're struggling to conceive but, as you said, you're starting young so it gives you plenty of time to sort things out. I have a lot of inner conflict b/c there are so many reasons to start trying now (like what if it takes us a while) but many reasons to wait as well (money, freedom, etc). I feel like it should be a simple decision b/c I was the one who had talked DH into being ready this year but now i'm the one questioning it (like i said, he's fine either way). I'm shocked that it's not just a simple yay or nay.

[gillianl]

I myself am ttc i'll be 24 in July and i have trying since August 2007 with no luck as yet, my cycle has now regulated these past 5 months to a 28 day cycle and my partner and i are now going for tests.  If i'm honest when i first started ttc i didn't think i was doing the right thing i thought i was rushing into things i kept listening to family and friends telling me i was to young and to go on holiday and wait until i had saved a bit more money and had been in my job a bit longer.
Now after almost 2 years of trying and having still not conceived i know i have made the right choice for myself, if i had started trying at the age you are now i could be in my early 30's before i may even have conceived and if i had listened to family and friends i would never be going for tests to see if there is a problem.
My answer to you is only YOU and your partner can decide if this is the right time for a baby in your life some people fall in the first few months others take a few or more years
if we all listened to family and friends none of us would be pregnant until we were in our 40's and 50's.  I hope this helps and good luck to you both if and when you start ttc loads of luck xxx