What happend last night.

[ammanda]

So me and Coles father just went out together for the first time last night. we usually dont go out together, cause we fight.  but anyway, this time it was him and my sisters boyfriend.  they fought and hit each other, and I hit Drew and i was trying to calm him down. but he was so out of his own state of mind.  nothing would calm him down. he hit me in the eye, even though it wasnt intentionally, but he didnt even care or awknowledge it.  and he went through my sisters boyfriends house and broke everything.  and he took off in his jeep. going to my moms where cole was. I couldnt have him there around Cole the way he was. So I called the cops to find him.  the cops got him and charged him for a DUI. this is his second one. he just got one literally a year ago, last August.  so now hes in jail and his jeep in in impound. and hes gonna lose his license that he just got back 2 weeks ago.  and he is gonna have fines up the a**.  And i cant afford to do this on my own.  Im terrifed of how hes gonna treat me when he gets out of jail. I really hope he realizes that I didnt do anything wrong. it had nothing to do with me.  Yea im the one that called the cops but my i had to, he was trying to involve Cole. and besides that my sisters boyfriend was gonna call  the cops anyway, cause he assulted him and vandalized his house. so should i feel bad? im sooo depressed.  and it *****, today is our day together, we always spend Sundays together with no phones or computers,. and im soo alone. and depressed, i hate thinking hes in jail right now, and everything thats gonna happen.  

[Clysta]

I also just wanna say that, he might love his son, but he clearly doesn't care what he does when he's drunk. Pinned or not (which sounds like an excuse to me as well) he shouldn't have lashed like that. The fact that he doesn't seem to care that he did it should raise huge red flags. How much will it take to leave? What if he raises a hand to your son? My dad loved me and my sisters. That didn't stop him from beating the hell out of us when he was drunk either. He's an adult. He should know how to handle alchohol. Others shouldn't have to tiptoe around him just so they don't **** him off. You can say he would never be violent to your son, but that fact that he's already physical shows that could easily change in a heartbeat. You even said yourself. 'he likes to fight'

[JillyHemp316]

I want to point out that you were saying how you can't leave him or let him sit in jail because you need him to go to work so he can helps with bills and Cole and stuff...but then you also said that with this second DUI and his liscense being yaken away again that he won't be able to work so no money for you guys. You contradicted yourself, I think you are amazing for putting up with him, but I think kinda sorta you're part of the problem. You're still making exscuses, you just said you weren't but in the next sentence you were. I'm not trying to be rude, I just want to point that out. I think sometimes its hard to see the forest for the trees ya know? No one should have to pin him down. That's awful, if he's adult enough to have a drink then he should be adult enough to not act like that and if he can't drink and behave then he should be adult enough to not drink. Actually a good idea, learn how to take the distributor cap off a car. If there's no distributor cap then he can't drive the vehicle therefore keepng himself safe and everyone else out there safe. There was just an thing in the news where I live about a family, the mom was at work dad was watching the kids, dad took the kids somewhere and crashed into a tree and killed both kids..he walked away but both children died..his blood alcohol level was sky high. This, to me anyway, comes down to a simple question..who do you love more? Cole or Drew? I know that's an awful question but the answer should be an easy one. I love my husband..but my son is the light of my life my reason for living and he comes before my husband. Men are a dime a dozen..but that's the only Cole you'll ever have.

[Sunkissed19]

i agree with alaysha 100%...thats very good advice!

[alaysha]

Him being pinned down is an excuse. My ex was SEVERELY abusive when he was drinking because he couldn't handle alcohol. My DH even if horrible upset after having gone out and arguing or whatever has NEVER physically lashed out at me. I don't care how drunk you are but that is just an excuse. I know that you love him and its all in your mind that it was partly your fault and circumstance and blah blah blah but the truth is he is abusive and unless he gets help and you leave it will NEVER get any better. I was thrown down a flight of stairs, my head it a wall once and I got a black eye and I still made excuses and stayed. But finally after my daughter was like 10 months old I realized that I could not live like that and have my daughter watch these things and think that its ok. Its not. I left and moved hundreds of miles away to separate us, got a job at a bar and filed for custody of my daughter. Even though my ex tried to claim that he had no income they still base it at what he has potential to make so I was still getting at least $500 a month. Also because there were cases of domestic violence and because he also had a DUI I was given full custody of my daughter (to be reviewed every 6 months) and he is allowed to come see her 2 days a month but he can only take her during daylight hours. Needless to say even though he claims to "love" our daughter he hasn't come to see her once. Realistically she was just another way to try and control me and I didn't let it last. Do what is right for your son. If he wants to be part of his life he will get the classes he needs and prove that he can be sober and a good parent so that the courts will let him hangout with his son and if he chooses not to do it then at least you got that trash out of your life and can move on and find someone better. I know how hard it is to make that first step and how heartbreaking it is, but each month gets easier until finally its like you wake up from a dream and think "what the heck was I doing with that loser".

[ammanda]

The way my job works is, theres 2 of us for the night shift. and we both need money, so we have to take turns closing the bar. I get one weekend and she gets the other weekend, if we close then we only get one day during the week, if we dont close then we get 2 days a week.   and thursdays is when we make the most money.  I can never tell when im gonna have money, it all depends on my bar crowd. its a restaurant and a bar, but the food has gone to crap lately so the only money u make in that place is from the bar, so ur screwed if its not your turn to close. if you can understand that

[ammanda]

No He did not sleep with one of my friends, you must be thinking of someone else.  but anyway, i aprreciate all the words of wisdom from you ladies.  Everything your telling me , i know.  Its just hard, cause when hes with Cole hes a great father.  he loves his son I know he does. he just has no common sense, and I cant help him anymore. i cant keep making up excuses for his behavoir, and I cant keep acting like nothing is going wrong, or that hes not doing wrong.  The fact that he was pinned down was not his fault, that was my sister and her boyfriend. they started all this. I love them to death and they were only trying to talk to him about **** that has happend and how they dont approve of it. but no serious talk like that should take place while everyone has been drinking, especially as much as we were drinking.  and they should have known that.  I dont care who you are, when your well over your limit, your not gonna take in simple words as "we need to talk" especially an egotistical man like Drew.  Im just waiting to hear what happens when he gets out, and what he has to say, he called me from jail last night, and so far all he saids is we beat him up for no reason, so already hes not taking responsibility for his actions.  His last DUI, invovled me and I got an MIP, that was before I even got pregnant. actually it happened 3 weeks before I found out i was pregnant.  

And I have my own job, but I waitress, so i depend on tips, I dont have a set income, and I have car payments and insurance and other bills, plus trying to help my mom with her bills.  And thats not the point i was trying to make. he is his father, so its his responsibility to help, if he dont have a job then I get no help, its not that I depend on him. I may depend on him emotionaly, but I have NEVER in my life depended on a guy finacially, i have had my own job since I was 14 years old.