!! Would it upset you ?

[KATE535]

I'm almost 18 weeks pregnant and have a prominant baby-bump now. You could say I'm not feeling my most attractive - 1) I have a prominant tummy, 2) I have put on weight, 3) I am avoiding tanning completely, and 4) I generally feel a bit un-glamorous whilst I'm expecting, but I can accept that most of the time. Well I met my second half for lunch and we were walking, chatting, etc, I happened to look directly at his eyes, out of curiosity, when he seemed to stare at something, and so saw his tunnel of vision and then looked at what he was looking at straight afterwards - he was looking through a cafe window at a woman's b@@bs. She was tanned and wearing a low cut top, which meant you got quite an eyeful of them. I was a little hurt when I realised, carrying his baby and all, and so mentioned it to him when we'd passed. I said ''I saw what you were looking at through that window you know..'' he looked panicky at me and said ''I haven't looked at anything'' - he was in denial before I'd even said there was anything wrong or even mentioned the b@@bs. So he continued and I said, ''well I saw what you were staring at'' and he said ''I don't know what you're talking about...'' So I dropped the subject st that point - I wasn't preparred to get upset in the middle of the shops and argue. But eating my lunch and sitting opposite him, I was feeling hurt and struggled to feel happy at all. Is this what lies ahead - we are going to Greece in my third trimester (booked the holiday before I knew I was pregnant and decided to go anyway and not loose the deposit) and I have playfully told him I don't expect him to stare at the greek women in bikini's that will be all around, or he'll have a clip-around-the-ear. I trusted he wouldn't anyway. But now I feel like this is bound to happen.
I know I should forget it and people would say it's just a natural thing that men do, but why am I not drawn to stare at men's crotches, or check out their physiques. I'm just not interested. The only man I want to look at like that is my second half. Why did he have to do that when I wouldn't do it to him, and then lie about it like I'm stupid.

I just wanted to know if any of you pregnant ladies are also upset by this sort of thing? Should I tackle him about it because he's hurt my feelings?

[PENNY1705]

i hope everything goes well

[KATE535]

Not noticing hot women, noticing hot guys, !!! lol.
If he's going to be looking in Greece, then I guess I will look at the greek men. Two can play that game.
Feel better and stronger having vented the whole issue. We argued a little but it felt good to talk and get it off my mind. I shouldn't say it but making him feel bad about looking, made me feel better. So I have stopped thinking about it.

I am going for my Amnio later today. I hope he wont be checking out the women in the hospital like he did a week ago again (but that's another story!!) Fingers crossed everything will be fine.

[cmoretti]

I actually agree with TARA. If you start noticing hot women then he might actually stop. many reasons for this 1. there is no longer a thrill, 2. men dont want to discuss other women with theirs.....thats secret. 3. they suddenly become a tad worried that you are going gay.

It's funny. I notice beautiful women all the time. DBF is always blown away because I am always the one to say something. Sometimes I will complement the woman to her face which slightly throws DBF off because he doesn't know how to respond or I will say something to him after we are away from her. He usually acts relieved because I know why he was looking at her. Not because he wants anything from her but something about her caught his attention. That same thing usually catches mine too.

[worriedbabe]

personally, i would not be upset by it. when i've been with a guy, i have looked at other guys who looked nice. i had no interest in doing anything with them, but i admit-i did look. but, i'd look at a nice view landscape painting whatever too. if it pleases my eye, i will look and i mean nothing by it. so i guess it doesn't bother me if a guy i'm with does the same thing. but, each to their own and as this upsets you, you should discuss it with your partner. the actual looking wouldn't bother me at all, but the lying about it would. i hate deceit and you gotta have trust in a relationship which is hard to have if you aren't being told the truth.

[sweetangel7]

I didn't read all the posts but I've been reading this periodically and I think you are totally justified for feeling upset.  I disagree that it is a guy thing and that it is 'normal' or 'expected' or should be tolerated.  I think it is a respect thing.  Whenever I have something I need to talk to my husband about that I'm not sure how to say, I always start out by saying something like this:

"We love each other right?  And honesty is the best policy even if it might not be something you want to talk about/hear?  Can I just tell you something and you don't have to say anything but I just need to let you know how I feel.  I am so hurt etc. etc. etc.)

[KATE535]

Thanks girls,

I have wanted to bring it up but haven't managed it yet - I have been distant with him instead as I don't know how to approach the subject having left the matter alone for a while. Although it's still dominated my mind since it happened and I wont forget it until I vent it (I think). I know it's unrealistic but he is so different to other men, I love his innocence, care and kindness, I think that's why I'm so disappointed in him. He is a Romantic, he openly compliments me and tells me he adores me. So since carrying his child I have only ever experiened all those wonderful things about him x100%. I hate to think he is a typical guy deep down, or that my opinion of his wonderful personality and adoration of me is not as strong as I thought - taking interest in other women's bodies speaks volumes to me, while carrying his child. He should not have looked while walking with his pregnant partner and when taking me out to lunch.

So how can I approach this? I want to show him he's hurt me, he deserves a confrontation surely. How would you bring it up? (bear in mind yesterday I only touched on him ''looking at something'' and then dropped the subject)

[martikadragoon]

oh and I gotta add.... DH used to say preggo women were UNattractive.... then I got pregnant with TJ and he couldn't keep his hands off!!

It happened again this time! It's like as soon as that test was positive and my tummy started getting a little bigger (I'm only 7+weeks now but have a bump) he was all over me... when I asked why he said I'm hot when I'm preggo... When I said "But you said preggo women aren't attractive"... he told me YOU ARE! :) I'm sure your hubby is feeling the same way... maybe he likes to look but LOVES how you look!!!!!

[martikadragoon]

Ok... it's a guy thing. If they don't look their DEAD. lol. It's bugged me  alot too before. but you know what?

TMI ALERT::::::
My DH is a TOTAL boob guy, 1/2 the time he doesn't even realize he's looking. at first it was creepy because he looks at ANYONES boobs, young old it doesn't matter.... my mom caught him staring at her when he TOTALLY didn't realize he was even doing it. he was zoning off.... He definitely doesn't find her attractive. (I'm really serious.)  even tho it's creepy and he tries to make sure he doesn't zone off in wierd ways like that... he still does. so don't feel bad. I don't blame him for it because it's not like he's acted like it and he seems to like my boobs just fine. (after all... I'm the one he's married to and comes home to each day after work)

[Lissyloo]

at the start of my pregnancy i was so depressed i was bloated and felt so fat and horrible u couldnt tell i was pregnant because it wasnt a perfect bump, i have less then 6wks to go now and i have a bump and im not depressed about how i look, because its a bump now, its normal for ladies to be upset early in pregnancy, it happends to most women
u feel fat after 12wks if u stop getting the morning sickness u dont yet have a bump and u just feel grose because u dont feel pregnant u just feel ugly lol
im actually really looking forward to going and getting my hair etc done after the baby, its one more thing to look forward too
ull all feel better the further along u get the more ur bump shows and u wont feel chubby or anything anymore

[JoyRenee]

Actually I don't think you're in the wrong at all. Some women are okay with it. But my husband and I are both in agreement that looking at other men/women is wrong. You married your spouse and they should be faithful and true to you. Even so much as looking and lusting at another person can hurt the other spouse. Then again we're Christians (he's a pastor) and it's just a major part of our beliefs.

Has my husband messed up? Yes, MAJORLY, but I have forgiven and we've moved forward. And now he is able to tell me when he is feeling tempted because he knows he can talk to me without an explosive reaction.

Definitely bring it up. We all slip up and make mistakes. To be honest most men LOVE pregnant bodies. I just got my hair done and I'm trying to do my makeup and get dressed before hubby comes home. Doesn't happen everyday (okay most days... hey, I'm very tired!) but I try.

[TARA1178]

This is kind of a funny situation, beccause I know how you guys feel.  I used to get really mad when my husband used to look at other females, I used to get absolutely LIVID!  However, the way that I got around it (and it may have only been by luck, who knows, and this is going to sound REALLY WIERD to you guys but here it goes)....whenever I would catch my husband checking someone out, Ikind of started keeping track of how often he did this, and kept it to myself.  I didn't say anything.  But one day I started pointing them all out, say if maybe I would see some female walking down the street with bootie shorts and a mid drift on, or someone with a bikini top on, you know what I am talking about.  Well, if I saw something I would say "Dang, look at her bootie!", or "oh my gosh, did you see her boobs?".  Well, the more I did that, the more my husband started NOT to look, I think maybe because it might have freaked him out having me of all people point out these females.  He doesn't do it around me anymore.  What he does do now, though is when I do try and point out these females, he will tell me that he doesn't care and he doesn't want to see it.  It's kind of funny.  I am sure though that he still looks when he is with his friends, or out by himself.  But it's okay with me, all guys look....it doesn't mean that they want it, it's just nice to look at.  It's kind of the same principal as buying a Maxin magazine or Playboy.  Guys will be guys, don't let it bother you.  They would do it in thier sleep if they could.

[jdamico]

i know how  u ladies are feeling i went throught the same thing  when i was about 19-22 wks preggo with my third. I had her in  feb 09. But  my hubby  would  do the same thing which made it hard because  we gto married when i was 2o wks preggo. So  iwas all worried about wether or not i was going to fit inmy dress and that i couldnt where shoes that werent  flip flops cause my feet were swollen and everything  else. I caught him doing that night of our rehersal  dinner  that i saw him  checking out the waitress   i just told him  after the  wedding was over i wasnice about it and he siad that he didnt  even realize he was doing it. HE was starring off to into space ( which he does alot a married  real space caddett llol)  and it was in that driection. Try talking to him about  it and tell nicely how it makes u feel and go from there. Sometimes  just talkin about it may help u feel better

[tellytatum]

I am overly sensitive this pregnancy..and this is my 3rd..i trust my dh with all of my heart..i know he would never have time to do anything behind my back..he's always at work or home with his family..never goes out..or anything..it does hurt alot when he checks out other girls..esp on tv...and that's TV! lol..i am due very very soon(37th week)
and i feel so huge of course..and then i'll see him checking out the girls on tv that have huge boobs and skinny bodies..and girls that just look so perfect..or i'll notice him check out a really attractive woman when we go places..i know he keeps looking at her..i dont try to start anything..as long as he looks and doesnt touch it's not really worth to make a big deal about..although sometimes it just really upsets me inside..guys are guys..it's a natural thing to them..sometimes they dont realize it..i've had that convo with a bunch of my guys friends about it..and most of them said that sometimes they dont realize it..it's just natural..hope things get better for you

[KATE535]

Yes I will bring it up later because he needs to know it's not fair and he's hurt my feelings today - he too is looking forward to our baby's arrival, but it's my body that's making all the changes for it. He needs to respect that.
Men should all walk around in public places with brown bags over their heads for the 9 months, Lol.

[bryanarae]

This would annoy me just as much. But I also know that when I am pregnant it bugs me way more. Guys look, it's what they do, and so do women. There is nothing wrong with looking, it is human nature. At least in my opinion. But when we are pregnant we seem to notice it more, especially when we are feeling more selfconcious about how we look, like on a bad day! I think you should just be totally honest about it. Tell him it hurts because you are carrying your guys' baby and all he feels the need to do is look at a nice set of jugs. Tell him if he needs to look, look when your not around.
And remember, your doing the *most* beautiful thing in the world by carrying a child. No matter what you are beautiful. Keep your head up!

[KATE535]

I can relate !!! Your post made me feel better like I'm not alone in thinking it's such an insult that I'm carrying his child and he is checking out skinny tonned bodies. I smiled when I read the bikini thing - because my man actually made a comment about a bikini body on TV the other day - he said ''there's no way you could look like that so soon'' (he was referring to a woman on a slimming advert who'd apparantly lost all this weight). I was p!ssed off to say the least, I was like ''what's that supposed to mean''. And told him ''that is such a taboo - to make comments about women in bikini's when your girl is pregnant !!''. He did apologise though.

Mumita - thanks for the comment - your confidence is inspiring, I hope I will become that way in thinking as my pregnancy progresses.

[NicMom]

Oh man this is the same thing that happened to me and dh at Costco last weekend! There is this stick skinny woman all tan and in shape walking through the parking lot and instead of just driving around her he goes all slow and drives next to her. I saw him checking her out. I was soooooo angry. I don't feel the pregnancy glow I feel like a cow already at 22 weeks. That same weekend he puts on some swimsuit show about beaches or beach bodies I don't know don't care. I was so insulted that he thought I would watch it with him. Then when I had a fit he said it was a shame that I was so insecure. That he would never act that way if in my position. LOL!

Don't worry ladies I didn't kill him, but I don't think he'll say anything like that again. We got him a book. She's having a baby I'm having a breakdown. It's full of advice on what NOT to do like check out other women infront of your pregnant wife. Maybe you should make him read it before your vacation.

Aside from that I can say my dh loves me and my ever expanding belly. He's always rubbing it and touching it. I can tell he loves my new shape and since we know it's temporary we're having fun with it. Your husband is probably the same way. They check out women when we're not pregnant so try not to let it bug you too much.

By the way have a wonderful time in Greece! Sounds like a great babymoon.

[Mumita]

Well I think that we do tend to get overly sensitive when we are pregnant specially when you are at that stage where you are starting to show but don't exactly have a big belly and have gained most of the weight in places where you would never want the extra baggage...I felt very insecure and sensitive at that stage, now that I've begun my 3rd trimester I'm over it because this is what it looks like when you are pregnant and in the end its kinda cute.  Your husband/partner will love you no matter what and now that you are carrying his child he loves you more and protects you more than ever.

Men look, my husband stares at other good looking women but tries to be discreet about it when I'm around.  I guess it doesn't bother me that much because of the way he is with me, he's just looking not wishing that he was doing anything with that other girl.  With me he's an amazing caring, loving, awesome man.  He is crazy about my belly, he has "his time for belly" which he feels my belly to feel the baby kicking without me touching the belly.  No matter how big those other boobs are or  how skinny that a$$ is, no one else has what I have with my husband so, he can stare all he wants.  I'm only pregnant for 40 weeks and I will brign sexy back soon.
Anywho, if there's a good looking guy out there I'd admire his looks too but it doesn't mean that I wish that I was with that other dude at all, it only means that he's good looking thats all.