can't stand husband's best friend

[kitcat2015]

I absolutely cannot stand my husband's best friend of 20+ years.  The guy is a complete country pig who sleeps with girls, cheats on them, hurts them and doesn't care, acts like an a-hole to spite people and enjoys their disgusted reactions, fights at bars, foul-mouthed and uses racial slurs.  My husband is nothing like him and argues that every good guy out there has a manly friend like this because good guys like having someone with raw masculinity around.  I've had no choice but to put up with being around his friend when we hang out.  Two girls, who he dated and hurt, became good friends of mine.  It hurts me a lot to witness them having been cheated on several times and not being allowed by my husband to say anything because it would jeopardize his friendship.  He decided to not even befriend his buddy's dates anymore so he wouldn't feel bad.

The buddy is back with a girl that he's hurt several times before and wants to hang out with us.  I put my foot down because (1) I don't want to friend this girl only to witness or hear about cheating and not being able to say anything (2) I don't want to end up with a group of friends who have this a-hole in common and (3) regardless of who he's with, he's a vulgar foul-mouthed pig.  My husband understands about not wanting to watch someone get hurt, so he agreed that it's my decision as to whether or not I want to hang out with them.  The problem is that my husband keeps having this hope/faith that his buddy has changed and that he's not going to be like he was before.  Of course, that was the defense for the last two girls he dated and hurt (the two girls who became my friends).  I don't buy it because the guy is full of crap.  His actions are because his friends are settling down and having families and are no longer around.  He started talking about saving up for a ring after having been back with this girl for only a month.  They started having issues two weeks after dating!!!

Anyway, I've been avoiding hanging out with my husband when his friend invites him out.  His friend apparently wants to do the couples hang out thing so his girlfriend has someone to talk to.  I've been refusing to hang out with excuses (sick, already had plans, etc).  Tomorrow there's a football game and his buddy asked if they could come over to watch the game and hang out with us.  My husband feels like he's in a horrible spot because I don't want to be around them.  I told him that I could go out while they watch the game, but he said it's like kicking me out of my own house and he didn't like it.  I don't watch football anyway, so it's not a big deal to me.  His problem is that he's tired of making excuses for me and worries that telling the truth would hurt his friend's feelings.  I told him his friend is fully aware that people don't like him for who and what he is, so it shouldn't come as a shock.  He says it's not true and that his friend doesn't know I'm not a fan.

I'm 17 weeks pregnant, a FTM and I've got enough craziness in dealing with all the hormones and changes going through my body.  I don't want to keep fighting with my husband about his friend.

Any advice on how to deal with this is greatly appreciated!!

[KateFerrera]

oooh girl! I feel your pain! My husbands best friend has disrespected me, treated me like ****, talks **** about me, and gets my husband into horrible situations! Worst part is, my hubby doesn't stick up for me! He thinks the ********* is god I swear!!!!!

[GrimmyRose]

That reminds me of my husbands little brother. He's always talking bad about women and once I told him off for it. He married a girl he got pregnant when he was 18 and 2 weeks after  cheated on her and made her move back with her mom, he cheated on the this other girl too, and constantly brought others to the house. I felt bad for the pregnant one because I became friends with her and would see how bad he treated her. I hated when my husband would hang out with him because the guy an ***. Everyone defends him and acts like it's fine that he does that. Once my husband told him off and their mom defended his brother. I honestly beleive men like that should get their ***** kicked = . =

[kitcat2015]

I've tried talking to his friend.  Everyone has tried talking to the guy about things overall.  He won't listen, does what he wants.  The attitude is pretty much "whatever"

[kitcat2015]

My husband knows exactly how I feel about his friend.  We've argued about it several times. He constantly defends him and I win the argument each time.  I don't want to be around this *********.  When he hangs around his friend, he turns into a pig too, although not as bad.  of he did, I'd leave him immediately.

He can hang out and be friends with whoever he wants, but I have the right to opt out and not go with him if I don't like something or someone.  However, the expectation is that I do go and hang out with them, make friends with his buddy's girl and then mind my own business when I see him cheat on her.  I can't watch that, stay quiet and not get angry.

He's worried about hurting his buddy's feelings by telling him that I refuse to be around him.  When there are certain people around, maybe his buddy shouldn't constantly say "motherf*****" or "f*** that" or tell dead baby jokes, or talk about banging hookers, or blasting the face off an animal.  Maybe he shouldn't get into a relationship, sleep around and expect people to not get angry when they know the person he's hurting...did I mention he thought it would be funny as a groomsman to show up to my wedding in Camo gear before the ceremony with no other outfit?  He embarrassed my husband in front of his entire family when he showed up like that.

I've tolerated a lot over the past 4 years.  I drew the line because I had to for my own sanity.  My husband, though understanding about it, doesn't know what to do about his friend.  I feel bad because my husband seems to be in a hard situation, but I don't know how to help him.  He can be friends and hang out with the guy, but I shouldn't be expected to come along or be around.

[luxah]

In the end its your husbands choice who hes friends with. Why not go to the guys house and watch the game, or go to wing house or hooters or somewhere that will play the game so your not stuck having to be out of your own house. As for the girls hes treated, its really not anyones business.  Obviously they allowed it, can't blame anyome but themselves and you can only preach to them so many times. And also instead of putting your husband between you and this guy, you tell him how you feel about him. Maybe if you were to be more open about how his behavior bothers you, he may not do what he does around you. (Heres to hoping right).  But if hes not influencing your husband I see no problem with them beings friends. You just gotta speak up about the things that bother you.

[kitcat2015]

It's one of those unconditional love things.  He's known the guy his entire life.  It's like a parent who will never give up on a child who has taken the bad path in life multiple times and refuses to learn.  I can't tell my husband who to be friends with, only what I can't tolerate.  I feel horrible and justified at the same time.  He won't stop hanging out with the guy because he lives 45 minutes away and they don't hang out much at all.

Whatever my husband decides to do, I know there's trouble en route.  He was offended when I told him his friend was using him before, leaving a serious problem to deal with that wasn't his.  I wish that my husband could see that there's nothing good about having this guy around.  

[wayfunmommy]

Frankly, maybe he needs to be honest  with his friend. The dude is a douche  and should be told the truth about why you are avoiding him. Your husband not saying anything is obviously helping his delusions that his behavior is acceptable.

[stephannieluvv]

OMG 17 weeks here to and my husband also has a douche bag friend like that almost exactly how you explained your Hubby's friend . Annoying right?! I seriously hate his friend and only put up with him because of my husband I know he knows I hate him because he uses girls has 5 kids with 5 different woman & recently just got one of his ex girlfriends who I became friends with pregnant! I hate being in the middle and told my husband I didn't want him around anymore at least not at my house, my husband has became very understanding about it and they haven't been hanging out as much!! I'm pregnant and don't want to be dealing with his friends BS!! It won't be tolerated my house , one weekend this girl next weekend another , I don't think so. My 8yr old step daughter has once questioned why he always has different "friends" every time he comes over. He's a bad example!