do i have a termination or not?

[angelinthesky]

hello. basically im 22 and found out i am pregnant. im not to sure if i should keep the child or not. i have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years but its not been a great relationship. we have broken up alot and found new relationships but always seem to get back together. i love him but he has drink and anger problems and we are financially unstable. my parents live in another country and i dont have many family of friends for support. i know if i decided to keep the baby that adoption will not be an option so i have 2 choices. abortion or to keep the baby. but i suffer with severe depression and dont want to bring a child in to this world yet. but i have had an abortion before and dont think i can go through that again. i just really need some help.

[Cassandrajane]

It wasnt aimed at anyone...
I was just saying, Because it is becomming and issue alot lately  (Not on just on here but where I am living as well) people judge and go off on one at people who have abortions and always say 'think of the people who cant have kids' line type thing. And my heart really goes out to those peopple who cannot have kids. And I would love to be a surrogate mother, but I couldnt give up a child!

Again with the Journal thing, it was a fantastic idea, but that was something that NEVER worked for me, (Again my personal experience)

I also wasnt saying you were telling her what to do at all by any means. I was just basing it on the fact not everyone has strength, and things.


Is all

[vacuumprincess]

maybe you misunderstood me.
I wasn't trying to tell her what to do.  Only SHE can make that decision.  I totally agree that somtime abortion IS the best decision.  I certanially wasn't bashing you for your decisions.  I'm sure they were the right ones.  I am sorry to hear that you had such a hard life.  I see that you have been through a lot and I'm sure nobody can completely understand what you have been through.  I looked at your pictures...  You are completely BEAUTIFUL!  I'm also sorry that you had problems with your self esteem when you are younger, and I'm happy to her that you still get support for that.  I understand you saying that adoption wasn't an option.  I could never do that one either.  I was just trying to be there for someone...  
    You are right to say that different things gove different people strength.  I was only sharing my experience.  I definately do. not want to push someone in any certain direction.  

angelinthesky,
     I hope you didn't feel any pressure in my post.  Sometimes I guess I don't express myself right...  I only meant the journal thing so you could sort through YOUR thoughts, without anyone else telling you what to do.  Do not let anyone tell you that you are wrong for any decision you make.  I wish you the best.

[Cassandrajane]

Some people LIKE ME didnt have a choice of abortion, I was 5 stone, SERIOUSLY ill, living in a SAFE HOUSE under police protection. I was 16 could fit into 7 yr old clothes, I had been fed through a tube 12 times that year!!!!! I WOULD HAVE DIED IF I GAVE BIRTH! Plus my baby was ill.

Different things give people strength, Drug addicts get their strength of their next hit, manic depressives, get their strength of the next issue of self harm, people have strength in different ways, what may seem stupid and horrible to you and me isnt for them.

If she isnt comfortable in the life she is in now and this IS the only way of protecting her baby for now... then so be it. What if her boyfriend was drunk and angry and hit her stomach, The baby could die. She has said it herself she is not in the right frame of mind. Or in the right situation, Not everyone can run.

for all my life I have been beaten and abused, I TOOK BEATINGS FOR MY MUM AT 5 YEARS OLD cause she was pregnant, I broke so many windows so my mum wouldnt get a punch, we eventually got out, we were found the same day (WE MOVED COUNTRIES). Not everyone can run, if they do, they cant hide. Not everyone is like you, can you what you do, find the strength you have. Some people just cant do it.

You have to put them in mind....

Yes you had the strength to do this that and the other.
And yes you want to help... It is a choice she needs to make herself. And sometimes Adoption ISNT an option, It wasnt for me, I'd do ANYTHING give the world to have my little Girl back.

We can only be there, we cant make choices for people!

[vacuumprincess]

keep a journal with you at all times for a few days.  Write down everything that happens and absolutely everything you feel.  No matter how trivial it seems at the time, write it down.  All the stuff.. mean, happy, sad, excited, pissed... everything.

Maybe then, in a few days, you could read it all and be able to make the best decision.  Maybe you have a close friend, who knows whats best for you read it too.  

Wish I could take you in. :(

[vacuumprincess]

I too wish I was your mom!!!  unfortunately, you have a lot to deal with.  You have to decide quickly.  the soomer the better.  No one can make this big decision for you.  Why is adoption not an option??  is that not something you could deal with?  

wishing I could help all of you ladies that posted....
in my 20's I was in a BAD relationship.  I am so glad thats over.  I do have a beautiful 5 year old from all of that chaos.  She was my saving grace during my tough times.  I'm so glad she was there for me.  I was going through a lot when she was an infant.  Ahe gave me reason to get up in the am and keep moving forward.  She gave me so much strength.  I also realized that I COULD do it all alone.  It was actually easier & better than doing it in a bad relationship.  

so all in all... a baby did make depression easier for me.  I HAD to have strengh...  for the love of my child.

I hope the rest of you ladies have a good support system, as you have all been through so much.

[Cassandrajane]

I am only saying it will based on my experience....with anorexia and serious depression being on anti depressants since I was 12, living in a safe house, and falsely blammed for attempted murder. Even though my step dad pleaded guilty and I wwasnt even there. And I wanted the baby soo much just couldn't. Im still depressed about it now. Thats why I said it!

And the professional help can stopp it getting worse and things...

and Ammanda is right, it is best to have one before 3 months. After 3 months it would have to be medical and or surgical (The surgical option is NOT nice... as I experiences contractions and stuff...).

And plus my pregnancy after my termination ended in MC, probably due to the surgical side of things... :)

do what you think is best...
There are people who can help. If you are in the UK and depending on where you are I have a number you could ring for help and emotional support.

x
x

[ammanda]

I think Jenny said it!! I couldnt possibly beable to handle the feeling of an abortion. nor do I ever want to.  I have one of the worst relationships with my boyfriend.  he has a huge anger and drinking problem as well, ask any of the girls on here, they know exactly what i mean.  We have a 4 and half month old son. and it did not make anything better for us, its actually worse, but we try to make the best of it.    We have been together off and on for 9 years and I dont ever want another man in my life or our sons life and he feels the same way, so we do whatever it takes to make it work for our son, we do love each other, and we love our son, we can just barley stand each other.. lol... but we NEVER let our son see that.  

Id too would like to know why adoption isnt an option.

I really hope u can find the answer to all your questions and make a Disci on quick, theres not much time.  its best to have an abortion before 3 months, as soon as possible.  or it will be too late and cause serious complications.  

[Jennymcd]

Awww sweetie, I wish I was your Mom! Have you tried calling a family planning clinic for some counselling? I strongly urge you to seek some advise and counselling, in person, from somebody, a doctor or pastor, a close friend or even one of those crisis lines for women. You do have a crosos here because the clock is ticking and you need to make a decision before mother nature makes it for you.
If your going to have this baby, you need to start prenatal care asap and that dr will be the one to help you with the issues of depression. There are anti-depression meds that can still be taken when pregnant.
Having a baby puts a huge strain on a relationship, so if there are already issues there, dont expect them to get better if u have a baby. but I think you already know that.
Can I ask why adoption is out of the question? There are many different types of adoptions these days, including open adoptions, where the birth Mom can still be a part of the baby's life. There are also "fostering" programs available to young single mothers, where a "foster" family would take you and the baby in together till you get on your feet.
Grab a yellow pages and let your fingers do the walking, look into all of your options before you decide. If you dont know who to call, the crisis line can point you in the right direction...if you research your options as much as possible, you will feel better about making an informed decision and you'll know you made the right decision for yourself.
No matter what you decide, clearly you are going to need counselling to help you deal with the choice you make. Dont go it alone, there ARE people out there that do care and will help you in a second, you just have to find them. Good luck to you, I wish you all the best...

[spade22]

Cassandra made some good points but I do have to disagree with her statement "it WILL make your depression worse".  No one can predict what impact pregnancy will have on illnesses such as anxiety and depression - many women notice improvement in symptoms while others don't notice any change and others will notice worsening of symptoms.  If you have suffered from depression you will be at higher risk for post pardum depression than someone that hasn't but that doesn't mean you will experience PPD.  That said, there are many medications that can be taken to control depression during pregnancy which are very effective.

Termination is a personal choice and very dependent on your personal situation.  Please talk with a counsellor about your feelings so you can make the best and most well informed descision based on your situation.  

[Cassandrajane]

I am sorry about what you are going through!
I had an abortion last year, I foundout I was pregnant at 22 weeks... But I had Sevre anorexia and couldnt have the baby even though I wanted it soooo bad.

and let me be really honest with you (Not trying to tel you not to have one, the choice IS yours)... But it WILL make your depression worse if you do get one. As you DO need PROFESSIONAL emotional help.
If you have had an abortion before I dont advise another one, because it CAN cause serious problems with fertility havin more thhan one!

I still suffer with Anorexia but I am alot healthier and although FINALLY me and my boyfriend of 3 years are back together hopefully for good (we split up ALOT too.. and he was seeing someone when I found out I was preg the first time) I am 6 months pregnant and the pregnancy after my abortion ended in miscarriage and then I got pregnant again... I have never been happier, even though there are stillproblems here and there.

You can doo this by yourself, there are people out there who WILL help you. Charities and stuff there is even Adoption... I really dont advise an abortion anyways cause of my experience, I really also dont advise another one also.