frustrated.. suggestions???

[haleyntony]

OK so I am 18 weeks pregnant. I already have one child and he is 4 years old. The biological dad has never been in his life because he's an *** And left us when I found out I was pregnant.
Well I am with a new man and I'm pregnant with his baby he's great he treats me good and is real nice. But the only thing that really frustrates me is that hell make comments about how his kid is not gonna be anything like mine and stuff like that and I don't know how this got brought up but he even said that hell love this baby more because its natural because he's the biological father... well my son has ADHD and is very hyper and all of the above because of it.. and I can't help that he has ADHD ... you never know this baby might have it ... it just really hurts me that he acts this way l. We're going to stay together but since hell be in our lives I would like to actually care for my son and not treat him any different than the baby and he's already doing that... what do I do? And also his mom wants to accept carter as his own but won't want to be around him and don't want to take him any where because of his hyperness.... idk the whole family is just acting a little disrespectful towards my son and it just seems that when the baby gets here there gonna disown carter idk ..... anybody else been through this? Any suggestions?

[valarie21]

Wow. I have a now almost 6yr old son who has ADHD really bad,  and he isn't my husbands biological son but you would never know it. I was raped so my oldest has never met his sperm donor.  When he was almost 2 I met my husband and he took right to him. My son has no idea my husband isn't his dad. His family has been accepting from day one, because I feel my husband made it known to them that we were a package deal. We now also have a 2yr old and another on the way & he has never shown a difference between our boys. & my sons are biological brothers. They aren't step siblings since they both belong to me. They are however "half brothers". Step is no blood relation. I think you need to set your husband down & explain it VERY clear that You will NOT tolerate favoritism between your kids. He will treat them equally & if he can't then leave. if YOU DON'T stand up for ur son who will?

[MommahElizabeth]

You're welcome :) I forgot to add my brother as well has ADHD. & I'm sure they will be understanding, just make sure you let him and his family know it will be really unfair if they only love one baby and not your son. Your man knew you had a son already and accepted you like that, so a new baby shouldn't make him stop loving your son.

Good luck & I hope they see your point of view!

[haleyntony]

Thank you all for your comments it is really comforting! And also they know what ADHD is he has a brother with ADHD.... idk I'm going to try and talk more about to him and see what he says it just hurts me with some of the stuff he has said.. maybe he just more time :/
I haven't really told him it hurt with him saying that stuff but I will talk to him about it now and really let him know how I feel... and if him or his family can't accept that my son will be around than screw them.. I love my unborn child as much as I love my 4 year old son.. and hopefully they can see my point of view.

[MommahElizabeth]

This is really unfortunate. But you should talk to him and his family about this. Tell him how you feel and explain how ADHD works, some people find it real hard to work with. Regardless, your son & your baby are siblings and shouldn't be treated any different.
My dad and my mom got together when my oldest brother was about a year old & he always treated my brother as his own kid. My dad even legally adopted my brother and had my oldest brothers last name changed to his. My dad loves him as his own blood & so does our family. We grew up knowing we were brothers & it wasn't until I was 10 that I knew he was biologically my 'step brother' but we don't see each other any different. I always consider him my biological brother & our bond is as if we didn't know anything.

Much luck on your situation hun!

[RockRose]

haley,  this is so sad and unfortunately common.  For some reason,  step parents usually resent the kids who aren't their own. Some few step parents treat them all the same,  and thank God for those men and women.  They are far from typical,  though.

I think at this point you need to tell him you won't tolerate him making statements like that,  and if he can't be neutral and loving toward your son,  you'll leave.

Your child's mental health depends on it,  literally.  The fact that your boyfriend doesn't even know to refrain from truthfully vocalizing his prejudice toward your son is telling - most step dads at least know not to SAY they intend to prefer their own biological child.

Best wishes. I think you need to strongly consider breaking up if he can't be more mature than this.

[Kelseymichelle]

I would try talking to them and explaining adhd and maybe explain techniques you use to help with his behavior. They might just not understand adhd or how to deal with it. Educate them and try to have open communication!  Tell them that your first son is apart of this family too and it hurts your feelings when they treat him differently. If things get bad enough there is family counseling or couples counseling to discuss the issues. I hope things work out!