Advice please?

[Babsi68]

I know this isn't the place to post about things but idk where else to go and I found you ladies very helpful during both of my pregnancies so I'm hoping the same will go for now.

Our new little princess will be 2 weeks tomorrow and she is absolutely perfect! I couldn't be happier with her and even though I've gotten very little sleep due to her being up so much at night and me needing to be awake all day for our 1 1/2 year old daughter, I feel surprisingly at ease with everything! Or at least I did until now.

Here's where I could use advice: we've been having it rough. We weren't prepared financially to have this second baby right now and I'm thankful that we've got the families we have who have given us hand me downs and left overs from what their recent babies didn't use an who have helped us out babysitting wise with our oldest while I was in labor and the few days after being home. But we're struggling. I'm not working, clearly, so my income is lost for now and my boyfriend (the father of both) has been working any overtime he can get from work but its not enough. Between us now paying for formula (and holy moly is that stuff pricey!!) and over $160 in groceries every 2 weeks we don't really have enough money to pay for everything and were backed up on bills as it is.

He told his mom about how we're in the hole and she offered to rent us the upstairs flat of her house for $100 less than were paying now and offered us to just jump on her cable/Internet and pay another $100 less than we pay now so we can save money and get out of this mess. Sounds good right? Problem is I cannot stand her and I do not want to live so close to her that she's always in our business and always intruding or putting her head in situations where it shouldn't be. Bf spent the first 2 years of our relationship avoiding this woman and telling me how terrible she was and then suddenly they're working on it and she's back in his life and always giving us a hard time for not bringing the kids to see her all the time. There's just something that doesn't settle very well with me about it all and I don't know if I can put my feelings aside to do this or not.

Anyone with any advice or input please help? I don't have any friends anymore (having kids young changes everything) and all my mom says is how I feel doesn't matter and I need to just shut up and take the place but my feelings can't just be ignored if I'm part of this family and it should be as much my choice as it is his right? I'm sorry this is so long. Again I have no friends and no one else beside my bf, my girls, and my parents to talk to and I've exhausted everyone already about it.

[Babsi68]

Here's some of the background for my bf and his mom so you guys can feel where I'm coming from. To start, she had him and his brother on medications to calm them down so she didn't have to deal with them through basically their entire childhood and his brother to this day has psychological issues because of her influence on him. His dad is former green Barrett (those tough army guys just in case the spelling is wrong) and he was almost always deployed on special missions or had a drill he had to be at and when my bf was like 4, she paid her kids' nanny to sleep with her own husband as proof that he was willing to cheat on her and though he kept turning her down and telling her it would never happened he found out what was going on and did it anyways just to get it over with and end the marriage. So basically she forced their family apart because she's got mental issues. Then, she spent so much time focused on my bf's older brother who swore/swears he talks to demons that my bf got neglected and started acting out for attentions which of course made her angry so she would be so strict on him that if he so much as drank water the wrong way he'd be in trouble. Which of course made him act out more. When he was 15 he came home one day to find his stuff sitting out at the curb with the trash and she refused to let him into the house so he spent the next year jumpin from friends house to friends house and sleeping wherever was warmest and safest with a duffel bag of whatever he could fit in it and not knowing how he was gonna eat or anything an when his friends' parents would talk to her about it she would say that he wasn't her son anymore and she refused to let a stranger live in her home. When she finally let him back in, it was only because he begged and promised to live by her rules and 6 months later she kicked him out again and he never went back. When I met him, he was lucky enough that his cousin had a spare room and offered it to him as long as he promised to work. 3 months later, his cousin left him homeless too and he spent 3 months sleeping in his car outside of Walmart and staying with me when he could (I still lived at home and my folks were against him staying there) or staying with friends who had an empty couch for him.

That being said, there were other things between them that he's told me about that just aren't proper to share but let's just say I think the lady has munchausen or something because of all the medicines shed make him take for different things that he has no problems with today and has not been on medications in years. So you can see where I get that untrustworthy feeling and where I don't want my kids to spend a horrible amount of time with the woman. I don't want to have her babysit only to find out years from now she's sneaking medications to them to keep them calm so she doesn't have to deal with them. Also like most of you said, I don't want to move in there, have us do something or say something that crosses her and come home to an eviction where we have to get out in like a week and have no where else to go with 2 kids to take care of.

And I have WIC for my oldest I'm waiting for an appointment for my new addition, and we finally got approved for $34 a month for foodstamps...it's not much but it helps. The only thing is, unless I absolutely don't work, we won't get much help at all from the government because of his income. The move is, financially, our best option right now. However, until our second daughter was born 2 weeks ago we did almost nothing but fight. And though my hormones probably played a hugs part in that, we've been fighting since our first daughter was born almost 2 years ago. So I am worried about the strain that these emotions about this woman will put on our relationship. If she does/says something I don't like ill tell him instead of her and expect him to deal with it instead of me dealing with her and that'll be a strain especially if he doesn't do anything about it if its something serious. I get along with her for the civil reasons of the fact that we have her only grandchildren but since he isn't too comfortable with her still and I'm def not comfortable with her, we don't ever really go out of our way to visit her at all.

[Leximama93]

I would put my feelings aside to keep my family afloat. With that said though, if she's making you pay rent and bills then have a formal lease signed from all of you and that way she can't come into your personal space whenever she wants.

[babywhalen2]

I would avoid it...when my husband and i were first married we needed to save some money so we rented out a bedroom to a friend, and while there were no major issues, the close proximity of having someone else around butting into your life was not worth the strain on our family. We also used to live dwn the street from my folks, and again, no major issues but parents always feel they can butt in where their not wanted. For me its worth the extra 200 and the struggle then all the stress on a relationship. Besides, if she gets pissy and decides to kick yall out on a wild hair, then what?

[sdvargas]

That's a tough one. I understand where you are coming from BUT it sounds to me that this would be a move that would benefit you guys. Maybe you can sit down with your boyfriend and let him know from jump what your issues are and what you won't tolerate. Just think on it don't automatically say no and don't say yes just yet give it a few days and think about the pros and cons.

[talenab]

I was there wen I first had my son I know its hard but u can weigh the options u have one look at what u can cut out make things cheaper struggle a little bit. Or two talk to her. U might live near her but as long as she is getting paid her share ur  business is your own. Its ur  family. If u wanna message me I'm always all ears. Good luck

[KTowne]

I would definitely, for the benefit of yours, and your husbands life, regardless, try getting along with her. She is your MIL, whether you like her or not, if you can at least be civil, that would make things 100x easier. I hate my MIL.. she was a terrible mother to my husband, physcially, and emotionally abusive, and I hate her. She has "changed" but we spend very little time with her or see her. I get along with her for the sake of keeping things civil. Maybe try it out, if it's saving you $200, that will help significantly. I would def. try applying for assistance though.

[CareyMc]

I would take caution with moving to her flat. If she is the type of person that your bf tried to avoid...chances are things will not go well. I'm sure you can apply for some type of assistance for the time being. They have WIC programs that give you the infant formula and other foods for kids up to 5 years old. I do pray that things grt easier for you. I honestly feel you should stay away from that situation with his mom. If you feel so strongly about it...don't do it. She could put you guys out or anything. Just take extra caution if you decide. I would get a notarized agreement signed on the arrangements so she can't change things. Talk with him and let him know that if yall stay there its yalls place...even if she is the renter...she should give yall space and not intrude. If she has an extra key get it from her...if you have to include all of that in your agreement to get notarized. Just make sure you have some type of documentation when dealing with family. Good luck hun. I'm praying for you and your little family!

[Beckyboo6023]

I don't have any suggestion on wether to go live with her. I know I wouldn't be able to live with my mom in law. But u should see if u can get on wic for formula. Because u right it really expensive.

[texxasbby13]

Have you applied for wic and foodstamps? I know people are hesitant to do that but it really helps

[Ariel_21]

Why don't you just have a sit down with the mom. So y'all can be okay and won't have to struggle so much! Trust me its better then struggling.

[StacyAl91]

That's tough. I would try to suck it up and move in closer to her. You guys would be saving money. If you ever need to talk, you can always message me. I don't have any friends either. Plus since I just moved, the only people I talk to are my husband and daughter.