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1959722 tn?1338778115

i don't know what to do

So my husband and I have been married 2 1/2 years but together 4 and known eachother 5 1/2 we have had our problems but I have always been very devoted and stood by him. So we have some problems with him talking to his exes before and since I've been pregnant even though I worked and he didn't and I completely supported him until I was 35 weeks pregnant we've had some problems with him talking to women online. So he just recently (two weeks ago) started a job and got a new phone and he doesn't know I have his facebook password because he changed it. This morning I went back to sleep after je left for work and had a dream that he was talking ro someone he shouldn't so I checked his facebook and sure enough he had messaged his ex. I am scheduled to be induced to have his baby in 6 days. I don't understand what I have to do to make this man love me. Is it wrong I don't even want him there when I have my baby? I don't want him to stand there and pretend he loves us when he's done nothing but hurt me the whole time I've been pregnant
23 Responses
Avatar universal
No, it's not wrong at all. I have been in very similar situations with my husband. I am sure he loves you but he obviously doesn't know how to show it or what not. Men.. are difficult they need attention from other people to feel good about themselves.. it's not that we're not good enough or that we're doing something wrong. They feel like we do and tell them the things we do because we have too... so hearing it from others makes them feel good about themselves .. with that said. It doesn't make it the least bit of right or okay to do this. Cause it's not. I think if you were to tell him exactly what you said in your last few lines it would hit him like a rock in the face and that's probably exactly what he needs to hear to knock his bull crap off. My husband and i have been through trial and error over similar things several several times.. and once i finally got through to him he has done so much better.. you know the ones that love you the most hurt you the most.
Avatar universal
Its normal to be mad because your hurt. But you can't take ur anger and not have him be there for the baby. Because even if you guys dont work out he is still the babys father. If he spoke to his exes behind your back hes always going to do it trust me men dont change. Just be strong and prepare your self for the good and bad. Good luck
Avatar universal
And my husband pulled most of this pathetic crap when i was pregnant with our first. It's hatd to handle im general let alone when you're pregnant.
Avatar universal
This post actually made me cry! I am somewhat in the same boat! My husband cheated on me and got caught, I forgave him but told him he ever does that again I'm gone. Well now he's starting to act like he did when I busted him for cheating. He is very sneaky and won't leave his phone ANYWHERE! I know he talks to a girl he works with none stop, it jus hurts! He is always going out to the bar and has jus been a total ***! I'm only 25 weeks along, but I'm to the point I don't even see us together anymore. I love him but I deserve to be treated better than he is. He yelled at me this morning cuz he was in the shower, which he always locks the door cuz he takes his phone in the bathroom with him, and I had to use the bathroom so I kept knocking til he unlocked it. Not to mention I have a uti and been drinking tons of water to try to get rid of it. I'm fed up and so hurt! I jus want out! Can't remember the last time I even got a sincere hug, kiss or an I love you :'(
1959722 tn?1338778115
I just want this to be over
1950374 tn?1332384136
Wow. I read this and immediately got upset. My husband and I had the same issues and I said okay ill talk to my exs as well. Then he realized it hurts and stopped. I know he wont cheat on me but if he ever did. I would leave him and move on. I am a strong willed woman when it comes to men not treating women good. I wish the best for you too. I hope you can find your inner strength we all women have and get the courage to talk to him and let him know how you feel and your little bean feels what you feel.  God bless. Ill pray for you
Avatar universal
I know what ya mean, I do too! You can msg me anytime! We can stick together and get through this!
1959722 tn?1338778115
So I asked him about it. First he tried telling me that he was just checking on her because her mom died and when I called him on that lie he said well you talk to guys on your facebook and when I pointed out that I never dated any of them and I talk to them on my wall and through posts which he can see not through private messages he just stopped responding to me
Avatar universal
I got a lil upset when i read this too, my husband has been acting strangely the last couple weeks as well. I'm not sure what to think of it yet. I wish the best of luck to you ladies i hope things get better.
1959722 tn?1338778115
It's like punishment. I don't understand how men can just decide that they want to treat you badly while you're making them a child. The best part is my husband has been wanting me to get pregnant for years so that he can spend the whole time making me feel awful
Avatar universal
:( that's horrible and honestly it feels like the worst punishment out there. I'd definitely tell him how you feel and express as strongly as you feel about it. It may make him realize and feel bad.
1959722 tn?1338778115
Oh no I told him he tried to lie then tried to blame me then threatened to not pay the bills that I can't pay because I'm on leave no apology nothing
2006603 tn?1331329327
Pregnancy must make men do weird things, my fiance has been acting very similar aswell. Try confronting him about it.
1959722 tn?1338778115
I did and instead of even try to apologize or anything he lied and said her mom died and then when I told him I knew that was a lie tried to blame me then threatened to stop paying our bills
1959722 tn?1338778115
And of course instantly changed his facebook password so he could continue sneaking around
1959722 tn?1338778115
And his cousin just pretty much told me it must be my fault because he never used to be like this. Comforting. Thanks you stupid c$nt nothing I need to hear more than "well he's always treated all the other women in his life well, he just treats you his wife and mother of his daughter like garbage"!
1181036 tn?1367368640
You need to leave him before this baby comes if possible. This is not a healthy relationship to be in and you do not need it. Do you have family around that will help you out? No woman deserves to be treated like this, but especially not a pregnant woman. You gave him a chance to change already and he didn't, so that's your answer...he will keep going back to his lying/cheating ways. I wish you well and congratulations on meeting your baby soon :)
1959722 tn?1338778115
No I have no family or friends that can afford to help me so I'm stuck at least until I go back to work and can save up money on my own. But I have an air mattress maybe the baby and I will move into a different room
1901977 tn?1333991726
I'd do what you can to move out as quickly as possible. From his response, he's not sorry for his actions, and he won't change his ways...he sees nothing wrong with what he did or apparently the way he's treating you. His cousin only knows him like a cousin does, I'm sure my family thinks of me way differently than I am in relationship, so just ignore her. But to answer your question, you can't make somebody love you, they just do or don't. Cut your losses here, you're just going to continue to hurt yourself and that will trickle down to your child. I grew up in a house where my parents were miserable with each other and trust me, I wish they would have gotten a divorce 30 years ago instead of hurting all of us.
Avatar universal
He's being completely selfish and is trying to find a way for you to drop the subject. He feels "attacked" or he's going oh sh!t i got caught up in a lie soni gotta turn it around on her to make her feel guilty and like it's her fault whwn he knows in no way possible is it your fault. Maybe ignore him for now and sleep in a separate room to make a statement and once he's calmed down doesn't feel attacked approach him then or let him approach you. You and your baby dont deserve this kind of blame or treatment he ahould at least apologize but that would mean him admitting he was wrong and some men find that hard to handle. :\
1950374 tn?1332384136
Definately not your fault! Men should be more sincere on women who are carrying their child. Especially with our hormones. I have gone into my husbands facebook and he never changed his password. I also no his email so when i was upset from a past lie i changed his fb password and email. We now have a combined facebook and he no longer has an email. He made the decision. He said he loves me and if a website could ruin what we have then he doesnt want a part of it. If talking didnt help then go to a close family member and maybe stay a few nights. Yes you risk the chance of him cheating but if he loves you both or wants to work it out then he will. If not then he isnt worth it and youll have your child to care for who loves you and needs you.
2097069 tn?1335282883
I just went threw the same exact thing with my fieance so i totally know where you are coming from. I basically confronted him and told him everything I knew. At that point he knew he was screwed and admitted that what he did was wrong and said a million times he was sorry. I told him that if it happens again or even if i suspect anything ever again that I am packing up the girls and I am out if here. So u r not alone. Try giving it some time and try talking to ur husband again. I spent a week crying my eyes out when he was gone or not around till i got really pee'd off and confronted him. The best part was he did the same thing with his phone where he it didn't leave his side and our 2 year old brought me his phone with all the text messages from each other...
Avatar universal
Men suck! I'm so sick of people making excuses for my husband. He is a grown man and if he didn't wanna marry me then he didn't have to and if he didn't want kids then when we talked about it he should've said no! I've made mistakes but I've never cheated or tried to hurt someone that I claimed to love. I know something is going on, don't know if he is actually cheating or not but something is up! I can't leave cuz I jus opened my business so I'm broke and my nearest family is 1000 miles away so I'm kinda screwed! I jus want to feel loved and happy again.... Jus don't think I'm ever gonna get that from him
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