depression after misscarraige....

[kaltiki]

does anyone know what to do to cope with the pain of a misscarraige at 12 weeks ...i keep feelin so lost my partner doesnt undersatnd because to him the child was just an idea ... i cant let go and its destroying my sanity and our relationship... i feel like a faliure

[lilpixie]

Im so sorry for your loss : ( I had a very hard time for a very long time after i mc in dec.  I know what you mean about feeling like its effecting you more...dh was sad and tried to cheer me up but i just kept getting worse as time went on and he started to just get all positive about trying again.  I found myself sleeping ALOT and ignoring everyone.  But as the weather has been getting better out we started going for walks and I started spending more time with my family and friends.  I know its such a hard thing to go thru... to make matters worse I gained like 10 pounds so then i was depressed about that too.  It really does help to talk about it... once you do youll discover ALOT of women have mc.. i found out alot of women from work had at some point and it really helped me to talk with them about it.  Find a hobby you love doing, I got back into reading to go to another place and kinda step out of my grief for a bit.  Again I am so sorry for your loss... it takes time to heal.  To tell you the truth im now 4w5d and im going thu all the grief again because im so terrified.  I wish you the best of luck!

[LosingMyMindInGA]

GRIEF COUNSELING, GRIEF COUNSELING, GRIEF COUNSELING.  I can't say it enough.  Some people are able to work thru that kind of loss on their own, others are not.  Grief counseling simply helps you to work through the steps of grieving in order to come to terms with the loss.  It's something I wish I could turn back the clock and do.  I've had 2 miscarriages and a stillborn and even though I talk about them as though I'm come to terms with them, I haven't...1 m/c was almost 9 years ago, the still born was 7 yrs ago and the other m/c was this past aug.  

I strongly, strongly urge you to seek either christian or non-religious grief counseling.

I would also like to point out that what you are feeling is COMPLETELY normal.  You are NOT a failure, however you are going to have these feelings...BUT...becuase your partner obviously does not understand, you need someone ELSE who can help you to work through these thoughts and feelings.  M/C is FAR more common than most people want to think it is.  Please don't go at this alone, call a pastor, a close friend, a counselor...do some library or internet research on the steps of grieving and coping methods.  Call local womans clinics (NOT planned parenthood), ones that are ministries...they usually have info on support groups and stuff.

[irrelevance]

First of all I am very sorry for your loss, I couldn't imagine going through what you have, and are, going through.. But maybe talking with him about it, or not trying to seem so happy when inside you're really down and not hiding it, would help him to be there for you, since you said you really just want him to turn around and hug you sometimes, don't feel like you have to be or seem happy, it's totally natural to feel how you feel, even if he doesn't totally sympathize with you 100%.. It's something he will never totally be able to grasp, even though you are both going through it together.. But just try to be open to him and try to not totally shut him out because he doesn't understand.  I hope you get to feeling better, and talking with some of the wonderful ladies on here who have been through the same thing, [or as leighanne143 said, a therapist perhaps] will probably work wonders, being able to speak and relate with other people who are receptive to you in a way your partner is not fully able to be.

-hugs-

[leighanne143]

you are not alone.  i had to MC in 5 months and felt as though i was going to jump out a window and that no one was letting me think that my feelings of craziness and depression were ok.  So i met with my OB and he strongly suggested i see a therapist/counselor.  so i did, and it has been great because she listens to me, she does not tell me to get over it or ask me why i am crying and she is slowly helping me through the stages of grief.  i never thought i would need a therapist but it has helped a lot.

[kaltiki]

i think i understand what you mean... because i feel the m/c more than my partner ( i think) i kinda feel blank and cut off from him.. i make a concertyed effort to be bright and merry but really just want him to turn round and hug me.. its like there this invisible wall between me and him and i cant crack it but if he just took a few steps and made a few gestures then it would come crashing down... but then again i know my man has done this and i kinda feel ungrateful because hes trying and i should be responding but i not and then when he gives up trying i feel like he waklking away.... arrrggg its all so confusing... but i think it been to short a time for us to let go of our feelings and every time i feel like this i deliberately set up a romantic evening for us and it makes me remember how it can be when i try and let go of the old feelings ,,, does that all make sense... i hope you feelin a bit better... -x-x-x-

[evthing4reason]

I am having a major hard day and where is my hubby...at his friends playing video games and drinking. I told him today that i feel all alone in this world, and how hard i find it that he is at work all day then goes out (only like once a week) but i am reall y hurt today. I got new glasses today and he never noticed, even when he is home i feel like i am all alone....don't know what to do, i'm going out of my mind

[kaltiki]

cheers guys it's good to know i'm not alone... my partner tries hard but the repeted assertation that mother nature has her reaons just doesnt help...i think talkin will help...
cheers again...
-x-

[evthing4reason]

I can relate to how you are feeling. You are NOT a failure. The say a women becomes a mother when she concieves, a man becomes a father when the baby is born, they don't understand how we feel, and we don't understand how they feel, especially when they don't show any emotion (DH and I had a major blow up over the weekend about this). If you feel like you can't cope with the pain you need to talk to your Dr, who will prob reccomend counselling and or medication. Personally I have a med for panic attacks that i take when i get worked up and emotional, I haven't taken very many but its good to know that they are there just in case, even my Dr said that, especially with so much in society being based around babies and pregnancies.

[Brown Eyed Gurl]

Sweetie I really don't think there is any way to really cope or accept it's hard to lose a baby I've lost 3 myself it never quits hurting but it's best to find someone to talk to it about.  And if you don't know anyone maybe seek some grief counseling.....it always hurts I still hurt but it does get better but never stops......a good person for you to talk to on here would be
waitn838  she lost her baby boy at 20 weeks could you imagine...I know I can't.....but I know she could have alot of good advice for you....you should send her a PM and tell her Brandi sent ya.....((HUGS)) I'm so sorry for your loss

[SweetKisses]

I'm so sorry for your loss!!...i can totally relate to you. I just had a m/c... and I cried and cried...and my fiance tried to comfort me but he only made it worse by saying something was wrong with ' it ' thats why it didn't last, and the child wasn't meant to be...he even said, its ok we can have another one. Like it can be replaced. I realize that no we didn't hold a child, but it was inside of me. I just don't think men can understand that feeling. I felt like a failure too...and I still do. But you have to realize that it's not your fault! It was natural and you had no control over it, thats what I tell myself.
Just stay strong and over time you will heal from this, its just very hard to get over something so tramatic like a m/c. I hope that things start to get better for you darling!

[chitten]

It helps to talk - alot of the women on here have had, or are currently having miscarriages at all stages of pregnancy.

I really feel for what you are going through, you will get stronger in time but the important thing to do is not bottle up your emotion. I know it hurts but you are NOT a failure and these things happen, there is nothing we can do to stop it.

When did the m/c happen?

[Atlantisea]

The only thing that seems to help me when I get really down is-

To go for a walk
or
have a nap

I usually wake up with a fresh chance at a good mood, and walking forces your body to produce endorphins that make you feel better.

(d&c at 9w1d in 20th March)