should I just give up?

[bhenneker]

My story is alittle long but I want everyone to understand were I am coming from. I am 25 years old and have been pregnant 7 times. In 2003 I gave birth to my son he was a very easy pregnancy. In 2005 I got an abortion (something I wish I never did) because the guy was beating me and when I got the balls to finally leave him I found out I was pregnant, my first thought was to give the baby up for adoption but a so called friend told him I was pregnant and he said he was going to fight me in court and would get the child and in my eyes I really didn't want to give him access to a child to hurt. After I got a IUD in place and removed it in 2007 b/c it was jammed in my tube which my doctor figured would of caused scar tissue. I realize now there was so many other thing I could of done. In 2008 I m/c at 9 wks (but fetus measured 7wks), Again in 2008 I m/c at 5 wks. In 2009 I got pregnant with my daughter who ever doctor told me she would not make it b/c they said she was going to have either down syndrome, turner syndrome, or edward syndrome and if none of those she would have major heart problems, she was born at 35wks with not a health problem just jaundice and a third nipple. In 2010 when my daughter was 7-8 months I found out I was pregnant again at 10wks I had sub chronic hemorrhaging but was told everything would be fine and my doctor never repeated an u/s to see if it was gone about a week later I found out I have hyperthyroid. At 18wks I started to have contraction and ended up giving birth to my baby girl sept.02/10 and she lived for 1h and 36 mins. I later found out I was in a domino effect normally a subchorionic bleed will get absorbed by the body but with hyperthyroidism the body can not heal properly and both subchorionic bleed and hyperthyroidism causes placental abruption and which I had and caused labour to start. Then 2 months later I underwent radiation injection to do a thyroid scan (which I believe is a large amount of radiation) then two weeks later I found out I was pregnant again but my RN was in shock b/c she know about the radiation and figured I would not conceive that month due to the radiation killing off the egg. One week later i m/c again. I have the go ahead from my RN but I really don't know if I can handle it again I feel like I keep letting my self down over and over again with the last m/c I didn't even cry or wasn't even upset I was just mad. I don't know if I should just stop because it seems like I will never have a good pregnancy. I just want yours options I know there are ladies on here that have been trying for years with lots of m/c and then had many healthy children. Would my last loss be because of the radiation? I just need some help I just feel like giving up hope and I feel like I am getting punished for the abortion that everyday runs over and over in my head and I hate my self daily for my mess-up.

[spade22]

You are not being "punished" for having an abortion.

The body will miscarry when there is something wrong with the fertilized egg.  Radiation can absolutely cause serious damage to fetus or egg so it's possible that is what happened during your last cycle.

It sounds like you have experienced a series of very unfortunate occurrences which aren't related to anything within your control.  I personally wouldn't let that stop you from ttc if you want another baby.  There is nothing to suggest you will have problems with future pregnancies.    

[NicoleW09]

I agree that you are not being punished for having an abortion. Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control, it doesn't make it any less painful of an experience, but you are a strong woman. I had a chemical pregnancy Sept of 09, and everyone tried to negate the fact that I was ever pregnant at all, and it just made it harder for me to deal with. If anything, it made my baby fever even more urgent and I was determined to try anything and everything to conceive.

It's absolutely terrible that you have had so many losses, and there is nothing I can say to make it any less painful. But if you feel like you can, keep ttc. Now that you know you have thyroid issues, they can monitor everything more closely. I'm pretty sure that this last m/c was due to the exposure to the radiation, because even when you're just having an x-ray the radiation isn't good for a developing baby. If you feel like you need to take a break for a month or so then do it, because you need to do what's best for you.

Good luck, and I hope that things turn around for you, you deserve it!

[bhenneker]

Also my gyno has been no help at all after the death of my daughter he informed me the moment I found out I was pregnant I need to get in to see him to start blood work and then start progesterone(sp?) and after he received my first blood work for the last pregnancy he called and said my levels were at 250 and he would call me to make an appointment and he still has not called to make that appointment and he doesn;t even know I m/c so should I start looking for another OBGYN?? Also when I was pregnant with my daughter I had a feeling something was wrong but he refused to see me until 22wks.. I just don;t know if that's normal.... And thank-you for you kind words..

[NicoleW09]

Yeah, if I were you I would find another OB/GYN. I personally see a midwife but she's been great to see me every four weeks until I hit 30 weeks. If I have any concerns she's always been right on top of it. It seems like maybe you should find a new office so that they can monitor you more closely. I can see where you wouldn't be happy with him.

[Heatherm4]

Sounds like you've had a very hard time and what a miracle that your daughter was born just fine!!
Don't punish yourself for the abortion...you aren't being punished either! All of the circumstances that you've gone through are either just bad timing or something that's actually very common.
I've had radiation on my thyroid too and I remember I was told not to share a toilet with anyone and the nurse wouldn't let me take the bus home because you aren't supposed to be close to anyone. Especially children and small animals. So my guess is that the radiation did cause the miscarriage probably. But don't beat yourself up about it.
I personally wouldn't give up....if it's something that you really want, then go for it. I think the easiest thing to do is be more positive and not dwell on the past miscarriages. They break your heart but it's best to look forward to the future and it's great that you're thyroid is being treated and looked after because that helps!

[mom2ariana]

im so sorry for all you have gone through. i highly suggest you choose another OBGYN / midwife, as it is not normal for the doctor to not want to see you until 22 weeks. there is so much care you need to receive before 22 weeks. you need a dating scan around 12 weeks and an anatomy scan around 20 weeks to check for abormalities, growth, gender, etc..
due to your history, your OBGYN should have already had you on high risk. i highly recommend finding a new one. if i were you i would have filed a lawsuit by now.

[SunWorshiper_26]

I would find a new OB before ttc sit down w them, go through your history and come up with a plan. Bc of my ttc history my dr had me in right away to check thyroid, progesterone, beta hcg and such, at 6 weeks I had my first ultrasound and saw him every single week through 12 weeks bc I was considered high risk. On top of that if I'm ever worried my OB said I could come in no problem and he would see me. You need a OB you can trust and will be there for you. Ttc after even one loss is very scary. I'm so very sorry to hear what you have gone through. If you are in the Chicago area PM me and I'd be happy to recommend a wonderful OB he's the one I've been seeing through my pregnancy. I know others on this site who I have recommended them to see him and they all have great reviews too. You will be in my thoughts and prayers!