previous sexual partners

[sam866]

I am having great probolems getting used to the idea of my girlfrends previous sexual partners. I am 43 she is 48 we have been seeing each other for 9 months now but i have known her for 10 years, she used to go out with a good frend of mine until around 2 years ago she dumped him, then disaperd of the radar.last we met back up again and she told me her ex partner(who is still a very good frend and now marrid )was not interested in her sexualy.so she went on what i have called her "sex quest" she went on the usual dating sites and also on sites where you just meet up for sex.
she has been very open abbout this and would answer any question i ask her (i think honestly). my probolem is i do ask and she does tell me!!
this has been ok for a while until she said she met a man whom she met once every week or two. she said he was not particularly good looking but on ther first meeting she invited him back to her house, they did not have sex but he spanked her and she said she was hooked .Aparrentley the sex got very kinkey and she realised she was into being tide up and dominated. she even drove 300 miles to meet him on one occasion.
I have only had two long term relationships and two very short flings . My feelings are very mixed ,1 she has had more sexual partners in one year than i have my hole life    2 she has fantaseys of being dominated and i cannot  do or receve the domination thing (altho she sayes she only wants to do it if i do) 3 she drove 300 miles to just  have sex with some one she bearley new .  I once again feel like the bad guys get all the sex ,and i am being used becaus i am a nice bloke. I am considering going on thes same sex sites meeting lots of woman for sex  which will boost my confidence with woman .
I would finaley like to say i do love her and dont realey think she has done anything wrong but i cant help how i feel. I am very comfaterbal with myself in every other part of my life.
any advice would be helpfull.
sam

[Judy246]

She's too honest with her sexual conquest, needs and behavior. She's a high risk for STD's and I can see why her previous relationship didn't work. She has issues and will take you down with her, because you want to go on these sites and behave like she is behaving and you know that's not you. Time to re-evaluate this relationship. She has issues, might be a sexual addict and if I were  you, I would run for the hills, because she will bring you down and hurt you.

[VicUser]

Life is about choices at all ages, some we can pick again without much thought, like what to have for supper tonight, if you pick something new and it taste bad then you don't eat that again, choosing a mate shouldn't be like that. so choose carefully and if she is not what you want look some more, there are good women out there.

[iam1butterfly]

A relationship is a mixed bag...
She comes to the relationship with her past experiences; likewise, you entered to the relationship with yours. It doesn't mean that one's past has necessarily been more fulfilling or more deficient than the other... they're merely different.
But, if you feel that you've been missing out and want to experiment with the sex sites, then go for it. Just realize that having more partners, or engaging in kinkier sexual activity doesn't always translate into better or more fulfilling sexual experiences... and, certainly couldn't guarantee the boosting one's confidence.
Anyway, I don't see why you just don't have your girlfriend show you (within your comfort zone) what you feel that you've been missing. She's honest with you; you already know her; and, as for experience, well...

[jo929]

If you are not serious abot this woman now is the time to back out, and you seem to have some doubts, so trust your gut instincts  luck  jo

[mami1323]

Sorry, I'm sort of a tell it like I see it type of person.  You know, tough love.  But I'm a kind hearted person.  Just don't want to see you ruin a potentially good relationship based on her past experiences.  

[sam866]

Hi Mami

You do come accross as a bit insesitive, but i am bound to say that aren't i
thanks again for your thaughts

[mami1323]

This is why I will never understand men...lol.  Why do you need to go out and seek other women to feel confident?  Why do you need someone else to build your ego?  Why isn't she enough?  You honestly think that she wants you to go off and mess with other women?  She's saying that so you will get over her past sexual conquests, she doesn't really want you to.  She wants you and is with you, that should be enough.  Go seek some therapy or read some self help books first before you ruin this relationship by running off with other women.  That will not help your situation, it will just add more problems to it.  I hope I'm not sounding to insensitive here.  

[sam866]

Hi Mami
Thank you for your comments
I do know how it feels to have your honast feelings throwen back at you and have no intention of ever doing that to my girlfrend, as i said i respect her honastey and feel completley responsible for the answers she gave me .
However i to have feelings and want to go on thess sex sites and meet woman which may boost my ego or confidence ,She was about to say (well if you have to go and do this you should) but i stoped her from finishing the sentence.
can you see my dilema??

[mami1323]

I'm going to be very truthful here and I hope you don't take offense to it so here goes.  Who cares, grow up.  You are a 43 year old man and she is a 48 year old woman, of course she has a sexual past.  She's not a virgin at this age and so therefore, she's had a life full of experience.  So what if she's had more partners or a different sexual past than you.  She was a grown woman, single and living her life.  You chose to have more meaningful sex and she chose otherwise.  The problem here is you asked her and she told you.  We always make these mistakes when starting new relationships.  We sometimes share too much information and in this case, she did.  However, she didn't tell you with the thoughts that you would use this against her.  It's quite hurtful of you to do that because she was open and honest and now your thoughts about her have changed when you shouldn't base your opinion of her on what she did before she met you.  You are obviously harboring some sense of insecurities over this and you think that you don't satisfy her the way these other men did or that other man did.  But she's with you, she wants you.  If she didn't than she would still be driving 300 miles for this other man.  She might have told you what she likes because she wants to do those things with you.  So my advice is get over it and enjoy your relationship.

[PromisedLand]

well, maybe it's just me but I don't know that you'll ever get past your feelings...I don't know that I could...if you're not into the stuff she's into you're not going to be compatable..

My suggestion would be to keep searching for the woman who meets your sexual needs/goals and has had a less active sex life.  Normally we can accept that our partners have had other partners, but I'm not sure I could accept what you've described above


Jim