I would like to thank you all again for the advice you have given to me. I posted this a few weeks ago and it all remains the same. Nothing has really changed. I have found it within myself to be strong and move on with my life. I know that I need to just let it be. And when I have my doubts, I come back here and read all your comments/advice from the posts I've posted about him and I and the problems between us that we've have had over the years and it quickly snaps me back to reality.
It's hard because I'm still here for 2 more weeks.
Verbal abuse can totally damage somebody and I've been living in the hell for 3 years, I don't know why I let him make me feel so bad about myself. I feel so bad for women who deal with being knocked down for many many years and feel there's no escape.
I almost feel fortunate that with the job I have (I bartend at a sports bar) I have so many men who tell me how beautiful I am all the time, and I have the greatest family and friends who constantly give me the much needed pep talks as I am going through this. It just makes me feel horrible for those that suffer way worse than I have.
It's hard when you love someone but know you have to leave. But I'm trying to look at it like, well at least it was only 3 years .. and not 20 years wasted. The last month I've been going through every stage of a breakup .. from denial, bargaining- trying to fix it, depression, anger, and now I accept it. I know that I will come out of this a much stronger person than I was before I met him - my old self again. And I know what I absolutely will not tolerate in the future .. I will not ignore any red flags again :)
Hugs to you all and Thanks again!
Hi. I think you are headed in the right direction and that is AWAY from this relationship. Those with mental health issues can be difficult to deal with. While some things they can not help--------- I would suggest something else at play here as well. I would not blame all of his verbal abuse on his bipolar. That is why I asked about his medication. There is something that happens when one is diagnosed with something like bipolar--------- it is the negative issue of things always being blamed on that. I don't think that is always the case. Your boyfriend has an issue with anger management and ability to control his mouth when upset. That may or may not be bipolar related. I say that because it can also become a habit to treat people in your life poorly. I'd guess that some of this is going on. From your description and then learning that he does take his medication faithfully-------- he may just be a moody, grumpy and rude guy with or without bipolar.
Don't allow his medical condition to be an excuse for him.
And whether it is his bipolar or just how he is in general--------- either way, why live with that? Don't feel guilty for wanting something better and more peaceful for yourself and child. That is a healthy attitude to take-------- to want things to be better and to leave something that is just not working behind.
So, stay strong---------- continue to make your plans to leave and then take some time to heal after that. You'll be okay, I promise. It is hard though, I know. good luck
Thank you all for you advice and support. We've been together for 3 years and the whole time he has taken his med for the bipolar, but yesterday was his first session ever with a counsler. I didn't see him yesterday because I was gone for work by the time he got home from work and the counsler .. He just called me a little while ago and said it went well and told me a little of what they talked about but couldn't really get into it at work. As angry and hurt as I am I do still want him to get his help and I want him to see and understand what he's done/doing to me.
I've never in my life been with someone with bipolar and I've never been in a relationship where I'm constantly belittled and put down .. behind closed doors of course, He appears the perfect boyfriend around other people .. opens the car door for me, always holds my hand and shows affection
I'm not for a second saying that bipolar and verbal abuse go hand in hand, I've just never had any experience with either before now.
I've always considered myself a strong person but right now I'm just not. I would like to be again. This is the most stressful relationship I've ever had, I feel like he's totally knocked me down, the things he's said to me make me feel so worthless and I just can't stop replaying them over and over in my head. I'm just exhausted mentally and physically. My stomach is in knots and I think I've eaten in the last 2 1/2 weeks what any normal person would eat in 1 or 2 days. And even then I'm forcing it down. I know this isn't healthy at all.
My mind tells me to just run for the hills, and in time I'll get over him. I've started packing a little bit and keeping the boxes in my daughter's bedroom closet. Tomorrow I have an appointment to go look at this self storage place and I'll slowly move out some things. He will be out of town in the middle of August for a weekend so my plan is just to completely move out the rest of my things then ..while he's not here to try and stop me.
I do know I deserve better than this and thank you all again for listening, It's very appreciated and it helps :)
I REALLY like what Brice said. Best advice I ever heard. This is the way we should ALL behave ALL the time!!: THINK WITH OUR BRAINS.
What a wonderful, simple, workable idea!! Of course, our hearts can participate BUT if we were to let our brains lead we'd probably not do such stupid, selfish things and hurt one another so.
You go, Brice!!
Hi, I'm wondering if he does everything to treat his bipolar such as keep his psychiatrist appointments, psychologist appointments and take his medication??? This is the key to controlling bipolar----------
I must agree with all here that this type of turmoil isn't good for anyone. There is an instability with this man that makes you uncomfortable and it is really horrible for your daughter.
So, I think you know what to do next month. But as you go, please encourage him to seek full treatment of his disorder. good luck
One thing I get from reading the above is that you have a big heart and you tend to think with your heart. I think that is admirable, but I do think sometimes we need to rely on our brains for our thinking.... (hope that makes some sense to you) What I'm trying to say is, if everything were hunky dory you'd continue to show your love for this guy.
The fact is, things aren't hunky dory. This guy has issues that you cannot repair, and you do not need to keep yourself in the path of destruction. And for all things holy, your daughter doesn't need this for a moment longer. Things happening today will affect her for the rest of her life....
I don't know how you can find happiness within this relationship. I think the time is right for moving along. I do believe in second chances, but hes had that and then some. It's time to think of you and your daughter... both of you deserve a sense of normalcy and happiness. It is out there, you just have to look for it.
Oh, you poor thing... and your daughter, too! Hugs for you both. Bipolar disorder is not something you can fix. It is not his fault any more than it's yours. Your first priority is your daughter. She is first. Please, for her, do not do this any longer than absolutely necessary. - Blu
just leave this is not healthy for you and certainly not for your daughter,if you feel you can stay with your ex until something better comes along then i would do that,your relationship is doomed and in very bad condition,the way you both argue is beyond belief,when i first read this post i thought you were both in your teens sorry but thats how it came across,you are just both out to hurt each other now the love has gone,move on and be happy