Aa
Don't know how to handle this
I've been with my boyfriend almost 2 yrs. We have a beautiful relationship and I love him very much. We have been faithful to each other during this time. Before we were together we both did some sexual experimenting after being in long unhappy marriages. I have recently noticed some small bumps near my anus and am afraid it could be hpv. I have a Dr app and will find out soon. I have not made love with him since I became suspicious that it could be genital warts. I haven't told him my suspicions yet. I told him I had a rash there and it was uncomfortable . He knows I am seeing a Dr soon. I'm so confused and afraid. I can't seem to rap my mind around the fact that I've had this for so long and not have had any symptoms.I want so badly to tell him right now what I think. It breaks my heart to think I could have given this to him. I'm afraid this could be the end of our relationship. He is a very smart ,loving and open minded man. All the info I've read about hpv says it could have been either one of us with the virus. Can anyone tell me how they would feel if your partner came to you with this news? We have a very loving physical relationship and I am so afraid this will change things forever.
Best Answer
"As loving and open-minded as he is I'm afraid he won't understand this" -- really? Aren't you catastrophizing a little bit? Certainly you as a person are more than the sum of the bumps on your anus. How do you think married people do it when they get older, get wrinkles, get illness, need surgery, etc.? Do you think the partner looks at them and says, "sorry I'm turned off by you now"? My niece is 35. She has been married ten years and they have two sons. She is beautiful and warm and loving. She just got diagnosed last week with multiple sclerosis. Do you think her husband is now saying "I don't understand this" or her sons are saying "ick, Mommy is flawed, let's call the whole thing off"? PLEASE get it through your head, bumps do not equal HPV, and in the overall scheme of what happens to our bodies as we age or what can happen out of the blue (like to my niece), even if it were HPV it is minor, not a big deal either medically or to the relationship. If leaving behind your longtime and secure position, plus your background of a negative relationship, is doing this to you, please see a counselor. You don't sound like you are hanging on a thread with this man, I would be happier to hear that you believe that. It makes me nervous for your relationship if you think you are only worthy if you are physically perfect.
I saw the DR yesterday and I do have hpv warts. She said they were small and few and thought an acid solution might take care of them. My boyfriend had texted earlier in the day to inquire about the app and to see if I was safe. I told him we would talk when he got home. Those hours spent waiting seemed forever. I explained Hpv to him calmly. I then told him I had the strain that gives gw. He was as confused as I was by this since we both know since we've been togetherv,it's only been us. He also knows that I've been tested for stds and had a normal pap in April. He was very silent and said he needed to study this as he doesn't know anything about it. He immediately got on the Internet. We didn't talk anymore about it. He did his research and I gave him space to digest what I had told him. I went to bed and a bit later he came and laid next to me and put his arms around me. No talking , we just slept. In the morning he said he doesn't want us to be distant. We need to be supportive as we work together to understand the implications and our way forward. He is wonderful and I truly do love him more everyday. I know this isn't a death sentence, it just has such a stigma attached to it. I'm not gonna run out and tell everyone I have this ( may never tell anyone. ) it just makes me feel so unclean. I can't even describe how I feel. I will work on a positive attitude so I can get healthier and hopefully get rid of these things. Thanks again to everyone for the support and understanding.
Yes, I can see how you would be embarrassed about this.....no worries dear. It is definitely scary when you don't know what is going on with your body. Just take a deep breath and relax.
Go find something fun to do with your bf or by yourself and forget about this for a while. Don't google anything else about HPV.
Get away from this and come back to it Monday when you have the appointment.
Keep us posted for sure.
Go find something fun to do with your bf or by yourself and forget about this for a while. Don't google anything else about HPV.
Get away from this and come back to it Monday when you have the appointment.
Keep us posted for sure.
Thanks to everyone that's responded. I haven't had anyone to talk to about this because I'm too embarrassed . My Dr app is Monday morning and then I'll know what's going on for sure. You are correct in saying stay off the Internet because that's all I've been doing and it's making me crazy. I don't consider myself an overly anxious person, but I've never had a scare like this. I've recently relocated to a new state with my boyfriend. He took a new position and we decided I would go with. We are living together and are planning to get married soon. I left a longtime and secure position to be with him. As loving and open minded as he is I'm afraid he won't understand this ( if that's what it is). I know if he came to me with this I would still love him and be there for him.
Well, to be honest dear, it is highly unlikely this HPV if you have had all these exams and tests, however, I am not saying this 100% not HPV as it is "tricky" sometimes to detect dear........that's true. I am sure you were screened for HPV when you had the PAP. That is nowadays incorporated into a PAP smear.
I just don't recommend you freaking out until you know for sure what you are dealing with.
HPV is not a "death sentence" as AB stated. This is treatable especially when detected in early stages.
A solid relationship should be able to cope with a diagnosis of HPV. Is it something fun to have to deal with, well of course not, but it is doable to deal with. If he is the man you've described everything should work out dear.
You seem overly anxious. I can understand having concerns about this, but you seem extremely anxious. There isn't something else going on in your relationship that is causing this.....or is there? Or are you just an anxious person?
Well, when is your doctor's appointment? Don't look anything up on the web to read about HPV because I just think this is fueling all this angst you have dear and it is making matters worse. Find something to do to get your mind off things, go to your appointment and take things from there.
I just don't recommend you freaking out until you know for sure what you are dealing with.
HPV is not a "death sentence" as AB stated. This is treatable especially when detected in early stages.
A solid relationship should be able to cope with a diagnosis of HPV. Is it something fun to have to deal with, well of course not, but it is doable to deal with. If he is the man you've described everything should work out dear.
You seem overly anxious. I can understand having concerns about this, but you seem extremely anxious. There isn't something else going on in your relationship that is causing this.....or is there? Or are you just an anxious person?
Well, when is your doctor's appointment? Don't look anything up on the web to read about HPV because I just think this is fueling all this angst you have dear and it is making matters worse. Find something to do to get your mind off things, go to your appointment and take things from there.
When you say things like "confused and afraid," "breaks my heart," "the end of our relationship," "change things forever" "makes me nauseous" ----- sweetheart, hpv is not a death sentence. In 90% of cases, the body’s immune system clears HPV naturally within two years. And the types of HPV that cause warts are not the same as the types that can cause cancer. It almost sounds like you think your relationship is on a thread, but you don't describe a relationship on a thread, you describe a good relationship. Do you think something about your past unhappy marriage or your experimental time in between then and now is making this seem worse than it is?
We have both been tested for stds and everything came back fine. I also had another annual pap about 4 months ago and it came back fine. Neither one of us has an extensive sexual past. We were both married for a long time, but I know it only takes once.Everything I'm reading about hpv tells me this is a very tricky thing because you can have it and not have any symptoms.I realize I sound a bit hysterical, but the thought of having this makes me nauseous .
I agree with AB.....why put the apple cart before the horse? Why cause unnecessary drama when in the end this could be indeed nothing?
Then, you are already thinking you have this and your relationship will be ended? Well.....FIRST find out what you are dealing with.
"I told him I had a rash there and it was uncomfortable." Well, that should be enough for a man to understand that's why there is no "hanky panky" going on. So, he is fully aware there is something not right and you are seeking medical attention. And as far as you are concerned, this is a "rash" because this hasn't been even diagnosed yet. That to me is being "open and honest." I mean, you can't call this HPV, because you just don't know WHAT you have.
See the physician FIRST and go from there. If it is indeed HPV, then you better start dialoging. If you are HPV positive that doesn't mean you gave it to him and he can't say he got it from you just as you can't say you got it from him. I can't see how it is possible to blame each other in this case.
"He is a very smart ,loving and open minded man.".....If this describes him then I can't see how he is just going to up and leave you.
If my husband and came and told me he was HPV positive I wouldn't be happy about the situation, however, I don't think finger-pointing and blame is the solution either. I wouldn't go running to the divorce court either.
Nursegirl makes a great point about how sexual health is very important and we have a responsibility to ourselves and our partners to know are status in regards to disease, etc. Even if you aren't HPV positive I would recommend you take this as an opportunity to open a dialogue with your bf about having a sexual screening done especially if you both have had a pretty involved sexual past.
Then, you are already thinking you have this and your relationship will be ended? Well.....FIRST find out what you are dealing with.
"I told him I had a rash there and it was uncomfortable." Well, that should be enough for a man to understand that's why there is no "hanky panky" going on. So, he is fully aware there is something not right and you are seeking medical attention. And as far as you are concerned, this is a "rash" because this hasn't been even diagnosed yet. That to me is being "open and honest." I mean, you can't call this HPV, because you just don't know WHAT you have.
See the physician FIRST and go from there. If it is indeed HPV, then you better start dialoging. If you are HPV positive that doesn't mean you gave it to him and he can't say he got it from you just as you can't say you got it from him. I can't see how it is possible to blame each other in this case.
"He is a very smart ,loving and open minded man.".....If this describes him then I can't see how he is just going to up and leave you.
If my husband and came and told me he was HPV positive I wouldn't be happy about the situation, however, I don't think finger-pointing and blame is the solution either. I wouldn't go running to the divorce court either.
Nursegirl makes a great point about how sexual health is very important and we have a responsibility to ourselves and our partners to know are status in regards to disease, etc. Even if you aren't HPV positive I would recommend you take this as an opportunity to open a dialogue with your bf about having a sexual screening done especially if you both have had a pretty involved sexual past.
I was not saying it was anything to be ashamed of even if it is hpv. I was saying not to put the cart before the horse. If the o.p. is entirely certain it is hpv, she should say so. But why have all the drama of a supposed-hpv discussion, if it is only hemorrhoids? They can feel like small bumps.
I know that if this were between me and my husband, i would tell him rather than risk him wondering why we were not being intimate, anything can happen in this life to our health, and i think that part of being in a relationship is being open and honest, and giving our partners the opportunity to be supportive while waiting for news from a doctor. There's no news that would tear us apart, and being honest is thoroughly ingrained in our relationship. It's a good feeling and a good place to be.
I agree with the above, don't say anything about this until you have more info. Try not to get too worried, it truly may not be herpes.
Not a judgement, but this is why it is SO important when entering a new sexual relationship to be tested for ALL STD's, including HIV, together before EVER engaging in unprotected sex. People seem to think the only thing they need to be careful about is preventing pregnancy.
When this is all said and done, make sure you and your partner are having annual screens. That's the recommendation for anyone who is sexually active.
Unforunately, all too often, people find they have been a victim of infidelity, sometimes going on for years, yet they never were tested for any STDs. I'm not at all saying either of you would cheat, it's just one of those things...it should be part of your preventative health maintenence.
Not a judgement, but this is why it is SO important when entering a new sexual relationship to be tested for ALL STD's, including HIV, together before EVER engaging in unprotected sex. People seem to think the only thing they need to be careful about is preventing pregnancy.
When this is all said and done, make sure you and your partner are having annual screens. That's the recommendation for anyone who is sexually active.
Unforunately, all too often, people find they have been a victim of infidelity, sometimes going on for years, yet they never were tested for any STDs. I'm not at all saying either of you would cheat, it's just one of those things...it should be part of your preventative health maintenence.
Annies advise is correct. wait and see the dr first. Many times in my life i thought i had something and did not and googling will only make you more worried. Just wait and see. If my partner came to me and told me this, i would be ok with it as was from the past and all of us, im sure have done things that we are not proud of.
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