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Anal and my marriage
Ok never done any of these forum type things before but here goes.
My husband has an obsession with anal sex(in my opinion). He loves it and he asks for it all the time(even after we have just done it). We've been together for 5 years and I can't stand anal. I give it too him because it seems so important to him and he gets it maybe once a month. I hate it. I hate the thought of it, i think it is absolutely disgusting and nasty and there is no reason at all for it. I don't get any pleasure out of it, it freakin hurts and i don't want to have anything to do with it. Just the thought of it gets me upset.
He thinks sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship, and starts to feel very unloved if he goes without it for even a week. I on the other hand do not think sex is that important. I think communication/trust/honesty are the most important parts of any relationship.
I've tried to explain how i feel about anal to him multiple times, but he seems to think the only reason i don't want to do it is that it hurts, and he goes on and on about how "it can't hurt that bad" and that if i'd relax and try forplay i would learn to like it. i don't know how else to explain it to him. I do not want to even try to learn to like it the thought of it makes me sick!! and i've tried over and over to explain that to him but he just seems to focus on the hurting part and wants to try and i guess warm me up first. I'm not saying people shouldn't have anal sex, i'm not saying that in time i could have it and it be less painful. the plain and simple truth is I have no desire to have it, no desire to talk about it no desire to have anything to do with it. it just makes me feel uncomfortable and sometimes i feel like i'm being guilted into doing it because i love him and he loves anal so much.
i just don't understand the fascination with sticking your penis in a place that **** resides in, it's gross lol I just feel like this one thing is going to ruin my marriage because we'll never be able to agree and i don't know how to even begin to compromise when the one time a month is pure hell for me as it is and he wants it even more.
i guess this post is more of a vent than anything lol I don't know what to do in this situation. if i could learn to love it i would try but it's not really about the act itself, my problem is about the way the act makes me feel adn that I do not at all approve of anal sex in the slightest. i can't seem to get my hubby to understand, and i can't seem to understand why he is fixated with it. I just have no idea anymore.
What the heck am I supposed to do? Will this issue ever be resolved????
Any advice would be very very appreciated.
My husband has an obsession with anal sex(in my opinion). He loves it and he asks for it all the time(even after we have just done it). We've been together for 5 years and I can't stand anal. I give it too him because it seems so important to him and he gets it maybe once a month. I hate it. I hate the thought of it, i think it is absolutely disgusting and nasty and there is no reason at all for it. I don't get any pleasure out of it, it freakin hurts and i don't want to have anything to do with it. Just the thought of it gets me upset.
He thinks sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship, and starts to feel very unloved if he goes without it for even a week. I on the other hand do not think sex is that important. I think communication/trust/honesty are the most important parts of any relationship.
I've tried to explain how i feel about anal to him multiple times, but he seems to think the only reason i don't want to do it is that it hurts, and he goes on and on about how "it can't hurt that bad" and that if i'd relax and try forplay i would learn to like it. i don't know how else to explain it to him. I do not want to even try to learn to like it the thought of it makes me sick!! and i've tried over and over to explain that to him but he just seems to focus on the hurting part and wants to try and i guess warm me up first. I'm not saying people shouldn't have anal sex, i'm not saying that in time i could have it and it be less painful. the plain and simple truth is I have no desire to have it, no desire to talk about it no desire to have anything to do with it. it just makes me feel uncomfortable and sometimes i feel like i'm being guilted into doing it because i love him and he loves anal so much.
i just don't understand the fascination with sticking your penis in a place that **** resides in, it's gross lol I just feel like this one thing is going to ruin my marriage because we'll never be able to agree and i don't know how to even begin to compromise when the one time a month is pure hell for me as it is and he wants it even more.
i guess this post is more of a vent than anything lol I don't know what to do in this situation. if i could learn to love it i would try but it's not really about the act itself, my problem is about the way the act makes me feel adn that I do not at all approve of anal sex in the slightest. i can't seem to get my hubby to understand, and i can't seem to understand why he is fixated with it. I just have no idea anymore.
What the heck am I supposed to do? Will this issue ever be resolved????
Any advice would be very very appreciated.
My wife and I used to have anal sex. Not much, perhaps 4-5 times a year. I thought she liked it cause I did ask her if she liked it (her answer was that it was like eating very spicy food - can be painful but for some reason you enjoy it). And she acted like she enjoyed it. But then in what seemed to me to be out of the blue, she decided no more anal sex. She said she just didnt like it and that it hurt. Didnt want to discuss it any more, and dont bug her about it.
This confused me and then made me feel pissed off. I kept searching for an alternative reason why. I kept thinking it was me - that she didnt love me enough anymore, that I didnt turn her on anymore. I knew she had done it in the past and that bothered me too. Now my wife would not do things that she had done with other guys.
As soon as I couldnt have it, I wanted it more. It became the forbidden fruit. And every single porn we would watch together seemd to have anal sex in it. It seemed so mainstream, like "everyone was doing it" except me.
So I may be able to understand how your husband could feel about this. What made me understand better was her telling me that in truth she never liked anal sex and that earlier in our relationship she was willing to do things that she didnt like just to please me. She realized that that probably was not a good idea, but it was done.
Learning that our partner is no longer willing to do anything to please us can be a painful experience. It made me question not so much the anal sex, but what about me / her / our relationship changed?
This will sound "Freudian", but perhaps he doesnt know how to react to your refusal in an appropriate way because he is exhibiting some deep-seeded repressed feelings about acceptance and approval from his childhood / younger years. Like for me, perhaps the loss of anal sex is more symbolic to him about perceived changes in you and your relationship.
I dont think you should do anal only to please him if you find it unacceptable. But as a guy who has recently been "cut off", if you do still want to please him I can suggest that you think about some other ways that please him that are acceptable to you (sex toys, more oral, some other fantasy fulfillment perhaps?). That might ease the rejection.
This confused me and then made me feel pissed off. I kept searching for an alternative reason why. I kept thinking it was me - that she didnt love me enough anymore, that I didnt turn her on anymore. I knew she had done it in the past and that bothered me too. Now my wife would not do things that she had done with other guys.
As soon as I couldnt have it, I wanted it more. It became the forbidden fruit. And every single porn we would watch together seemd to have anal sex in it. It seemed so mainstream, like "everyone was doing it" except me.
So I may be able to understand how your husband could feel about this. What made me understand better was her telling me that in truth she never liked anal sex and that earlier in our relationship she was willing to do things that she didnt like just to please me. She realized that that probably was not a good idea, but it was done.
Learning that our partner is no longer willing to do anything to please us can be a painful experience. It made me question not so much the anal sex, but what about me / her / our relationship changed?
This will sound "Freudian", but perhaps he doesnt know how to react to your refusal in an appropriate way because he is exhibiting some deep-seeded repressed feelings about acceptance and approval from his childhood / younger years. Like for me, perhaps the loss of anal sex is more symbolic to him about perceived changes in you and your relationship.
I dont think you should do anal only to please him if you find it unacceptable. But as a guy who has recently been "cut off", if you do still want to please him I can suggest that you think about some other ways that please him that are acceptable to you (sex toys, more oral, some other fantasy fulfillment perhaps?). That might ease the rejection.
Your husband is a big baby. He's calling you a selfish b*tch? I'm sorry but it's your body and if he can't handle what you said like the man he's supposed to be then maybe he's not mature enough to be in a marriage. Maybe counseling will help. I personally wouldn't put up with that ****.
Very good. You are doing everything perfect. Keep up the goo dpositive attitude and self-esteem and you will be ok.
Tell him if he wants anal he can find a guy to help him out but you will no longer be around for him.
Tell him if he wants anal he can find a guy to help him out but you will no longer be around for him.
I actually feel so much better now that I told him and he can go and sulk all he wants but i'm done with the anal sex and i really do not care how much he wants to b*tch. I realized just by the way he's been acting that he's being an immature jerk so i don't feel bad about it at all.
However if he does keep up the toddler attitude I'm not about to give him any regular sex until he can act like an adult and treat me with some respect, I'm sick of his attitude I have 3 kids already I definitely do not need a 4th!!
However if he does keep up the toddler attitude I'm not about to give him any regular sex until he can act like an adult and treat me with some respect, I'm sick of his attitude I have 3 kids already I definitely do not need a 4th!!
You are NOT the one being a selfish B*tch, he is! Don't be fooled by his poor attempt to make you feel bad for him so you'll give in. This is no longer an option for him, so he's just going to have to enjoy sex the good ol fashioned way (if you're gracious enough to do that for him after this).
I know, all i can think is he's acting like my daughter does when she gets her toy taken away and she's 3!! lol
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