Anal and my marriage

[CuriousGal330]

Ok never done any of these forum type things before but here goes.

My husband has an obsession with anal sex(in my opinion). He loves it and he asks for it all the time(even after we have just done it). We've been together for 5 years and I can't stand anal. I give it too him because it seems so important to him and he gets it maybe once a month. I hate it. I hate the thought of it, i think it is absolutely disgusting and nasty and there is no reason at all for it. I don't get any pleasure out of it, it freakin hurts and i don't want to have anything to do with it. Just the thought of it gets me upset.

He thinks sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship, and starts to feel very unloved if he goes without it for even a week. I on the other hand do not think sex is that important. I think communication/trust/honesty are the most important parts of any relationship.

I've tried to explain how i feel about anal to him multiple times, but he seems to think the only reason i don't want to do it is that it hurts, and he goes on and on about how "it can't hurt that bad" and that if i'd relax and try forplay i would learn to like it. i don't know how else to explain it to him. I do not want to even try to learn to like it the thought of it makes me sick!! and i've tried over and over to explain that to him but he just seems to focus on the hurting part and wants to try and i guess warm me up first. I'm not saying people shouldn't have anal sex, i'm not saying that in time i could have it and it be less painful. the plain and simple truth is I have no desire to have it, no desire to talk about it no desire to have anything to do with it. it just makes me feel uncomfortable and sometimes i feel like i'm being guilted into doing it because i love him and he loves anal so much.

i just don't understand the fascination with sticking your penis in a place that **** resides in, it's gross lol I just feel like this one thing is going to ruin my marriage because we'll never be able to agree and i don't know how to even begin to compromise when the one time a month is pure hell for me as it is and he wants it even more.

i guess this post is more of a vent than anything lol I don't know what to do in this situation. if i could learn to love it i would try but it's not really about the act itself, my problem is about the way the act makes me feel adn that I do not at all approve of anal sex in the slightest. i can't seem to get my hubby to understand, and i can't seem to understand why he is fixated with it. I just have no idea anymore.

What the heck am I supposed to do? Will this issue ever be resolved????

Any advice would be very very appreciated.

[iam1butterfly]

Oh... what a big baby he is!
Give him his time to sulk and get over it.

[CuriousGal330]

I talked to my husband over the weekend. Put it off for a while because I couldn't get the nerve up to speak with him lol

Long story short, he didn't take it too well. Apparently i'm being selfish and a b*tch and a lot of other things(the jerk). I've kind of just left him alone to take everything in as he is still upset about it and won't even talk to me right now. I don't know what to do. I did not expect a temper tantrum!

I don't know if I should try and talk to him again about everything or just wait for him to fully calm down or what i should do. He's basically been ignoring me since I told him??

[just_curious2]

not at all. this is all new to me and when i start reading the different things i get over excited and when i write i loose my train of thought. but for real i have all the respect in the world for woman. i hate seeing them get abused or used. its not right. everyone has the right to live an equal life.

[vmvnpv]

Thank you for clarifying that.  :-)  I was starting to think you were a man who thought women should give in once in awhile to satisfy their man.  lol.

[just_curious2]

i aploagize. i shouldve specified. before i joined i have researched for a lot of different things to better myself. while researching and reading other peoples problems and comments (not just on here) i couldnt beleave how men were being so about them selves, and was treating them. i do agree that if she dont like it, the man should understand and stop it. i used to be the same way. i would pressure my girl into doing what i wanted. it was all bout me. but as i got older and matured more, i realize that its not all about me, and if i wanted to be w/ this wounderful girl i need to change my ways.

[vmvnpv]

It's not one of those fantasies for this couple.  He is hurting her and she's told him how much she doesn't like it and he doesn't care.  Bottom line is he's only in it for himself and doesn't want to hear her complain.  He wants his way or no way.  It's much different than what you are describing.  I truly loving and caring man wouldn't want to hurt their SO and wouldn't push them to do what they want them to do against their will.

And I'm just curious.....what did you mean by how you can't believe how other relationships are?  All these women are in relationships with men who obviously care about their wifes/gf's wants and needs.  If the woman doesn't like anal then the man should understand.  If that's all he wants then he needs to find someone else who wants it too.  Any (real) man would just be happy getting it any way he can if he really loves the one he's with.