Step mother advice from both men and woman also relationship

[lmt9930139]

Okay so me and my bf have been together for almost 6 months. Long story short. Weve known each other for 3 years only talked didnt know each other in person or anything. We met off line. Anyways we finally met in november made it official in december and in january he got kicked out so I said lets get a place I make enough money to support us while you find a job. He has full custody of his kids so they came along too. Which wasnt a big deal cause I love kids. Btw my bf is 7 years older. Anyways as we moves in let me add in at the begining everything was like a fairytale. I was sooooo happy once we moved in, everything went down the drain... He #1 hides his phone idc that he talks to girl but he deletes everything y? Cause apparently its a habit not purposely so I wont see anything #2 hes an amazing father dont let me fool you but the kids since they know moms no good he spoils them rotten. They get all they want. They use to eat candy for breakfest. I have no kids so I know if I did id understand and have more sympathy but I dont I get your not my mom all the time and as he says I have authority he never backs me up when I say anything to the kids. Ive finally realized the kids come first I always knew that but I guess couldnt accept it. But in between the fighting I lost my job he had side jobs so it was flowing okay. We fought every week. Id bring up somwthing like hey what should we do about the kods ......ANYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF THAT SHOULD BE TALKED BOUT TURNED INTO A FIGHT no intentions but it did I juat wanted to make things right. He no longer was nice and I became very b wordy. Now we had to move out right when he gets a job. Im pregnant. And he hates me. I can tell by looking at him. When he calls me he has an attitude. When he see me its not hi babe its like hey whats up. I cant do the whole me not getting attention anymore it *****. Specially aperciation after I slave myaelf to keep him hapoy. Anything makes him upset and when he is HE TAKES IT OUT ON ME. idk if I ahould leave but then he makes me feel guilty for steping out the kids lives and if I stay ima be miserable being treating like a ghost. Its no more babe I love you turnes into love ya. And its no more hugs and kisses. I been nothing but good to him I just dont understand. I blow up alot and he says only time will tell but I WAS VERY QUICK TO CHANGE MY LIFE STYLE. its hard for me but yet he needs time? Its unfair idk what to do....

[brice1967]

From your description, it doesn't sound like this guy pitches in at all.  That alone should be reason to seriously question the relationship.  Follow that up with treating you badly.... sheesh, why stick around?  I think moving in as quick as you did isn't going to work for most couples, but it seems like he latched on to you being able to support him and the kids.  That left him time to do whatever.... again, not really fair.

Relationships are always two sided.  If both sides aren't focused on the same things, things do and will go bad.  If he doesn't want to compromise or pitch in, you are indeed stranded.  There are plenty of ways out, and all of them start with sound planning. Start weighing your options sooner rather than later.

[specialmom]

Hi.  Well, a couple of things come to mind straight away.  First, your description of him even in the very begining is not painting a picture of great boyfriend material.  

Here is why I say that.  First, he didn't have a job but had kids to support.  Second, he got "kicked" out of his home which means he got on someone's last nerve, didn't do his fair share or there was some type of problem. Third, he can't live independently anyway as he was living with someone else taking care of him.  Fourth, big red flag.  He is a 'great' father . . . NOT.  Giving kids candy for breakfast is a lazy dad.  A good father does what is harder and says no for his kids own good.  That is not spoiling the kids but taking the easy way to not have to do much.  Not impressive.  So----------- from the very begining, not sure what was so attractive about this older man who you pretty quickly were supporting along with his kids.  I would not have been interested in that situation.  Why were you?  That is an important question to ask yourself.  

So now he is living with you . . . and the fighting has begun.  And won't stop.  

And your pregnant.  Could it get any worse???  No.

He wasn't taking care of his first set of kids----------  not really providing financially for them or creating a household healthy for kids.  He also doesn't care about them enough to make a solid relationship with a new partner and insists on fighting all the time with you most likely in front of them.

So, what should you do?  Well, now you've tied your life to him forever.  You could give the child up for adoption which I think is a beautiful thing for everyone involved.  I don't say that because you shouldn't have a child or can't handle it . . . but do you really want to be a mom with all that comes with it under these circumstances?  Ask yourself that question and remember adoption is an option.  If you do want to keep this child, then you must start planning.  Clearly, living with this guy is a mistake.  He's not willing to change or try to work this out so you must go to plan B.  This means contacting your family and asking for help.  Move home with them if you have to.  Start planning things like child care, where you can live, how you will be able to afford expenses, etc.  It's a lot.  But I don't think this man you are with right now will be any help.  So, start over with yourself and your child.  He'll be in the child's life with visitation and hopefully will throw in some financial support but I don't think this relationship will sustain all  of this initial fighting and drama.  Especially since he makes no effort.  

I do wish you luck.  This is a tough situation for sure.  I hope that it all works out for you.  Do you have a mom to call?  

[sweetpea03]

I think you moved in with your boyfriend way too fast(6 months is not long at all) and now you are finding out the true him. He's sneaky(hiding the phone, deleting messages), has anger issues(taking it out on you/blowing things out of proportion), rude/disrespectful, and doesn't seem to really care. Normally I would say to run for the hills and stay far away from him, but since you are now pregnant you are tied to him for 18 years. You can try to see if he is willing to go to counseling or do something together to help work on relationship problems, but in order for it to work both of you need to put in an effort. If he won't do anything, then I think it may be best to just leave. Get a place on your own and prepare for your baby to come. I'm sorry you are in this situation and hope something can get worked out.