advice needed please

[worriedhubby886]

Hi i have been married to my wife for 10 yrs now & we have 4 kids together i love her with all my heart but recently things have been feeling a little strange!
i work days 9 till 6 and my wife works nights 8 till 8 leaving the house at 7 !things took a turn for the worse when my wife started working in a nursing home about 40 min drive from home at first she would say ohh Terry said this Terry said that and when i asked who the guy Terry was she said just the guy i work with ! when kathy first started working in this home it was as a temp she worked in lots of homes but then she said there was a full time job going in this place terry worked in and she was going to put in for it! she got the job anyway and then i came home one evening to find she had been on facebook on off throughout the day talking with Terry(my little girl had said in passing chat who is the man u were talking to mum) i was extremley pissed off as she seemed to want to talk to this guy constant as if 12 hr shift wasnt enough!we had a row and i said that it was a bit much working with the guy then chatting to him all day!so this seemed to stop.
the place kathy done the temp work for was JARK and the guy that booked the nurses in was called JONNY (THIS IS HOW KATHY HAD IT SAVED IN PHONE :JARK JONNY)
well as Kathy is now left Jark over a month a found it a little strange that whilst she was up putting her make up on and getting ready for work her phone recieved a text saying YO CAN U PIK ME UP MY CARS STILL IN GARAGE???????????? (text from jark jonny)I asked Kathy why was a guy that she no longer worked for asking for a lift and she said it's not Jonny it's Terry ,well i was fuming why save under different name and the way in which he asked they obbviously know each other a lot better! number 1 my wife told me they work in opposite ends of home now ! then how would kathy know his car in garage and no 2 he never even had to say where for kathy to pick him up????
AM I BEING PARANOID OR UNREASONABLE IN BEING UPSET?????????

[worriedhubby886]

thanks teko i have actually tried putting this theory in to action this evening so i guess we shall see ,i really hope this works out as i really do love her with every inch of my body!!
i think it a case of just simply not having even 5 mins pease as our 4 kids r all under 10 yr old youngest being 4 (things were fantasic before the strain of kids set in) dont get me wrong i LOVE THE KIDS MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD but at end of day without their mum then i wouldn't have them1 such an irony!!!!!!

[teko]

Okay, it is time to treat your wife like you did when you were dating. She is getting that attention from another and it simply feels good. You make her feel good and dont argue over her workplace. Just go back to treating her like you used to and it will be okay.

Arguing and being short tempered is the one thing that will push her to him. Show her how much you love her. This is how you fight fire with fire.

[worriedhubby886]

thanks for all the replies i really do appreciate it!
i have tried saying how i feel but Kathy has just said i need to accept it ,he is a friend and that's it ! originally she had told me she no longer sees him as they work in opposite ends of the home but today wen i asked why she had his number her responce was just!
people dont just exchange numbers for no reason which i told my wife she then said she took it down from a book in work a few weeks ago.we were planning a party /my work doo where a group of us where going to go for night out and kathy and myself were going to stay over in hotel!i got the shock of my life wen after pushing for a why wen kathy said she took it down as she wants to invite terry to the night out also as she admitted he is a good friend and they get along well she also admitted to leaving him home this morning also!
i really dont think i am being unreasonable in thinking this is all wrong and way too much!
bad enough saving his number in such a deceitfull way but to want him comming along when it our night out(about 4th night in 10 yrs )wat should i do tonight kathy is supposed to be at home but i am here with kids and Kathy has gone to the gym WTF
PS i would never ever use violence i am totally against any guy lifting a finger to a woman (my father did it and i feel very stronly against it)

[JustinDobbs23]

You're not being unreasonable.

Please understand that even as a married couple people will tend to have secrets that don't usually lead anywhere. Like for instance some girls tend to change names of boys to girl names to confuse or mask what they're doing. Some men will do this too (Not usually) I would set down with your wife and have a nice chat, NICE chat, no yelling, screaming or violence. Ask her to be truthful so you can have peace of mind. And kathy may Indeed know where to pick him up at, or this Is all a big deceitful lie and she's cheating. Who knows! But set down and talk to her.

[joonzgurl]

Take a deep breath! It must put quite a strain on your relationship to have her working opposite shifts than you. Good for the bank (ie no babysitters) but not much time together at all.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet. I would discuss my concerns with my wife rationally and let her know how I feel.

Could you plan a date night for the two of you sometime soon, and get a babysitter? Then you could have some alone time... and share with her your concerns...

Be careful not to raise your voice...or blame her. Make sure you use the words "I feel" a lot more than "you did this". If this is the first issue you have had, and there is nothing else to make you think that she could have cheated, you may be overreacting.

Good luck! I'm so sorry you are upset, and hope it all works out for you.

[5kings]

this helped me, look up online "signs of cheaters" my H has done the same thing with co-workers. i know for a fact. he still denis it all.  were together for 12 and 3 kids. 2 with a disability. he even was seen by my friend from a distance he was chatting with a women. keep close eye if I were you. your not losing it. she could be going through a mid life time for her.