Broken heart

[Ddm72001]

I have been in my relationship for 12 years..we have 2 children...before we became romantically involved we were friends for another 6 yrs...our relationship has not always been easy....for quite some years I neglected him emotionally and sexually..not on purpose but just got caught up in life and kids and work and just figured he would always be around....well he had an affair in 2006 for 3 months and recently again last year....I know his behavior is inexcusable...I love him so much and he wants us to work on our relationship..we recently started therapy....I realize I have. Lot of work to do to get us back to where we once were...I guess my question is...does anyone think we can work it out....I am so sad over the affairs...I feel broken inside and betrayed and angry..I don't know how to make it go away...

[bikeangel777]

I don't know because I'm in a similar boat only I can't prove he's cheating on me because what ever affairs that's been going on has been at his work but I feel it inside me that he is. But I can say I feel your pain and I support your decision either way. I pray your relationship works out and that he realizes that even though you neglected the relationship it means he had aswell and the pain he caused is not like anything he could imagine. He owes you support if he means it.

[Ddm72001]

Thank you all so much for your insight....I don't know what our future holds...I know right now the pain and hurt I feel are almost unbearable....I take minute by minute..we had a good therapy session today and I feel him opening up like never before so that's a plus...I just dont know how I will ever feel ok again....

[specialmom]

Hi, I'll be honest.  From the way you have written your post-------  I think you have a good chance of making this work.  I really do.  You seem to be able to look at how you can improve with regards to this relationship while acknowledging his wrongdoing as well.  He clearly is doing the same by trying to remain with you and going to therapy to work on things (can't tell you how many are resistant to that).  

When both parties are want to make it work-------  they can do it.  I know couples that look at an affair as their 'wake up' call for knowing what they really want in their life.  If you and your partner walk away from this knowing that what you really want is each other, I see no reason that shouldn't be the case.  Peace and luck to you.  

[brice1967]

It is doable, but it won't be exactly like it was.  And really, you don't want that.  You'd like to have a better relationship.  The old relationship included affairs and other dysfunction.... you want a new and improved version of the old you.  It is doable, but it takes a lot of work.... a lot of time.... a lot of commitment.... a lot of crying.....

The commitment on both of your behalves needs to be ever present.  A level of vigilance and an ever presence of self and accountability will be necessary.  All other people aside, this is about the two of you.  Anyone can say whatever they want about a situation... but this is your situation, making it different from every other situation out there.  For some, infidelity is a deal breaker.  (Both my wife and I thought that, until I committed adultery and we decided to work on it.)  

It won't be easy, but nothing worth fighting for is easy.  Seek a therapist, do a ton of research.  You will probably find some very incredible information on this board or elsewhere within medhelp.org.  (I know I did, and still do)  Ask your BF to look into medhelp and create his own profile and develop his own dialogue.  (With him being the cheater, he probably won't be too well received in the beginning, but some will come around.... you'll/he'll be amazed by all of the similarities with all of the stories on the board and how they mirror yours>)

Good luck, stay strong and united and both of you know you are doing what is necessary to make it work.

[Londres70]

Sorry, read your post incorrect.  I thought he was your husband.  I think I saw the 12 years and immediately went to "marriage in my brain."  Well, after 12 years, I would consider him "like a husband,"  

[Londres70]

In my opinion, I think it is possible.  Will it be easy? Well....no, however possible.  

I never had to deal with a "cheating" husband.  I can't imagine the pain of dealing with that.  I had two cheating bfs though.  In those cases, it was a "deal-breaker" and I walked.  

I think there are a couple of posters in this forum that have actually dealt with this and they usually have some great tips.  

All the best dear.  I feel for you.