Aa
Claiming she is pregnant, is she lying? what do I do?
OK, here goes..
I am a 22 year old male. About 2 months ago I met up with a 17 year old girl I met online. We had sex on the first date. I didnt use a condom, but pulled out. I was aware she was not on any birth control.
After we had sex, she went weird, trying to make me tell her what I thought of her and what my impressions of her were (on a 1st date!). Looking back, I think she was a bit attached before we had even met. When I wouldnt answer (just cos I thought it was an odd thing to be talking about) she ignored me for about half an hour refusing to tell me what the problem was. I didnt want a 2nd date. I even had to turn her down for more sex. She wasnt happy at all, saying I was rude and everything, but we did eventually agree to be mates.
About a week later she tells me online that she has something to tell me and I wont like it. After causing some drama with me repeatedly saying u might as well tell me now, she says she was a week late. I told her to get tested. I read about it online for her and found that the best time to take a pregnancy test was after 10 days. On that day she text me telling me shes pregnant.
At first I believed her. I for one cannot understand what anyone could possibly gain from lying about this, but apparantly some women do it. Little did I know a girl has actually done it to my brother before (lied about it)! Anyway, when I found out it messed with my head a little and I was straight off to go get a bottle of vodka which had me pretty drunk that night. Silly of me I know, but she rang and I talked to her about it that night (still drunk). Eventually she decides she has to keep it.
Thing is, she is doing some very odd things and I have no idea weather its hormones doing it or a cover up. I've never understood women that well in general. Anyway, here is what doesnt quite add up:
1) We live in different towns. I've arranged to meet up with her 3 times now. Each time she has turned her phone off on the day and stood me up. Its the same routine. 2-3 days later I'll get some text about something else like this just never happened. I tell her off about it, then she has clever ways of twisting it round like, 'are you going to hold this against me forever?' I didnt know how to answer that one - it just wasnt the point at all. This is odd because you would think if she really was pregnant, she would be desperate to have me involved somehow. Right? I've offered to be there and everything, this is why I thought it was a good idea to meet up and discuss things. She seemed to think so too until the days to meet came. It almost seems like she is just buying time..One of the times she was even on the internet about an hour and a half after we were supposed to meet. Its very unlikely she could have got back home in that time, therefore unlikely she had come down at all like she claimed she did.
2) She has already had 2 early scans. I dont really understand how pregnancy is counted, but one was 5 weeks after we had sex (4 weeks since her missed period) and her 2nd was 2 weeks later. This doesnt seem right at all. I know they can do one scan if there are any problems, but she hasnt told me of any. I text her about 5 hours ago asking if there were any problems with either of the scans and shes just ignored that. I should mention that she has already had 1 miscarriage before. She said something about there being a problem with the thyroid gland, it miscarried and messed up one of her ovaries. Could this have something to do with it?
Anyway, there is more to this whole crazy situation and I'm sure I'll think of it as the discussion goes. just for the record, I want to do the right thing here. If she has this baby there is no way I'm leaving it without a father. The problem I have now is how do I go about finding out weather she is lying or not? If she isnt how do I go about getting on good terms with her when she is constantly looking for drama out of nothing (very unbalanced girl - she even cuts herself and claims its not a problem cos it makes her feel good)?
I just really want to do whats right here. Any help much appreciated..
I am a 22 year old male. About 2 months ago I met up with a 17 year old girl I met online. We had sex on the first date. I didnt use a condom, but pulled out. I was aware she was not on any birth control.
After we had sex, she went weird, trying to make me tell her what I thought of her and what my impressions of her were (on a 1st date!). Looking back, I think she was a bit attached before we had even met. When I wouldnt answer (just cos I thought it was an odd thing to be talking about) she ignored me for about half an hour refusing to tell me what the problem was. I didnt want a 2nd date. I even had to turn her down for more sex. She wasnt happy at all, saying I was rude and everything, but we did eventually agree to be mates.
About a week later she tells me online that she has something to tell me and I wont like it. After causing some drama with me repeatedly saying u might as well tell me now, she says she was a week late. I told her to get tested. I read about it online for her and found that the best time to take a pregnancy test was after 10 days. On that day she text me telling me shes pregnant.
At first I believed her. I for one cannot understand what anyone could possibly gain from lying about this, but apparantly some women do it. Little did I know a girl has actually done it to my brother before (lied about it)! Anyway, when I found out it messed with my head a little and I was straight off to go get a bottle of vodka which had me pretty drunk that night. Silly of me I know, but she rang and I talked to her about it that night (still drunk). Eventually she decides she has to keep it.
Thing is, she is doing some very odd things and I have no idea weather its hormones doing it or a cover up. I've never understood women that well in general. Anyway, here is what doesnt quite add up:
1) We live in different towns. I've arranged to meet up with her 3 times now. Each time she has turned her phone off on the day and stood me up. Its the same routine. 2-3 days later I'll get some text about something else like this just never happened. I tell her off about it, then she has clever ways of twisting it round like, 'are you going to hold this against me forever?' I didnt know how to answer that one - it just wasnt the point at all. This is odd because you would think if she really was pregnant, she would be desperate to have me involved somehow. Right? I've offered to be there and everything, this is why I thought it was a good idea to meet up and discuss things. She seemed to think so too until the days to meet came. It almost seems like she is just buying time..One of the times she was even on the internet about an hour and a half after we were supposed to meet. Its very unlikely she could have got back home in that time, therefore unlikely she had come down at all like she claimed she did.
2) She has already had 2 early scans. I dont really understand how pregnancy is counted, but one was 5 weeks after we had sex (4 weeks since her missed period) and her 2nd was 2 weeks later. This doesnt seem right at all. I know they can do one scan if there are any problems, but she hasnt told me of any. I text her about 5 hours ago asking if there were any problems with either of the scans and shes just ignored that. I should mention that she has already had 1 miscarriage before. She said something about there being a problem with the thyroid gland, it miscarried and messed up one of her ovaries. Could this have something to do with it?
Anyway, there is more to this whole crazy situation and I'm sure I'll think of it as the discussion goes. just for the record, I want to do the right thing here. If she has this baby there is no way I'm leaving it without a father. The problem I have now is how do I go about finding out weather she is lying or not? If she isnt how do I go about getting on good terms with her when she is constantly looking for drama out of nothing (very unbalanced girl - she even cuts herself and claims its not a problem cos it makes her feel good)?
I just really want to do whats right here. Any help much appreciated..
I think that i would not date or have sex with this girl again, take a witness when you talk with her, but stay friendly untill you know whether she is Pg or not, and if she is demand a paternity test, and if she isnt stay the heck away from her, and it always pays to get to know the person awhile before sex luck jo
You were irresponsible on MANY accounts. First of all SHE'S UNDERAGE! You better hope and pray her parents don't press charges for rape because your whole life will be screwed up. Also, ask for evidence of her being pregnant. Ask if you can go to her next doctors appointment as proof. Or wait for her while she goes in to get an u/s and then ask to see the pictures. Next time don't be stupid and keep it in your pants unless one or both of you are using a form of protection. AND STAY AWAY FROM YOUNG GIRLS! I wish guys would think with the heads that are on their shoulders. Otherwise you are just asking for trouble!
you already know you messed up by having sex with a minor and possibly impregnating her, so I'm not gonna preach to you about that =)
IMO, this girl is lying. She's avoiding you like the plague, your gut instinct is saying it, and so are the people on this board.
My advice is to stop all contact with her. She sounds a little crazy and it could turn into an obsession/stalking type thing if you aren't careful.
If she IS pregnant, get a DNA test done after the baby is born, but I highly doubt she is.
Learn from this mistake and DON'T repeat it! Good luck and let us know how it goes.
IMO, this girl is lying. She's avoiding you like the plague, your gut instinct is saying it, and so are the people on this board.
My advice is to stop all contact with her. She sounds a little crazy and it could turn into an obsession/stalking type thing if you aren't careful.
If she IS pregnant, get a DNA test done after the baby is born, but I highly doubt she is.
Learn from this mistake and DON'T repeat it! Good luck and let us know how it goes.
I dont blame anyone for critisism, its nothing I havnt already told myself over and over. I realise how stupid and selfish I've been and trust me it does not feel good and if nothing else I've learned my lesson - unprotected sex, though it feels MUCH better, its just not worth the consequences. I guess I just had the stupid attitude of it wont happen to me..
But to all the people saying I could go to jail for rape - no chance. I live in the UK and the legal age to have sex is 16. Also I realise there will be plenty of people who dont approve of her being under 18. I was genuinely OK with this. Just to clear that up.
I've asked her to post pictures of both scans and she said she would. I have no idea weather she actually will or not as there seems to be a pattern of her saying she will do something and then just not.
I get that we need to have a face to face discussion. Just to clarify, I havnt seen her since the sex. She told me she was a week late online, then text me at 10 days late to tell me she had took the test and was pregnant. I have tried to meet up with her. She even seems to agree its the best idea when we are arranging it, but then just avoids the situation entirely.
I've tried calling her on her game playing many times, saying stop putting yourself first and take some responsibility and what not. The usual routine is her either ignoring this or accepting it and apologising then doing the same thing the next day. I've even tried being as understanding as I possibly can, trying to help with the self harm issue and everything, but I get the impression she isnt interested in my help, only in telling me about it.
If she wont ever meet me I am honestly at a loss for what to do. She told me about one of the scans on the day so couldnt make that, then I was in work for the other one and couldnt get it off. I text her askin her if there were any problems with either of the scans yesterday and still no reply. Its starting to look like she is cutting me off which is weird cos recently there have been no arguments with us..
The only problem with cutting her off is that what if she is telling the truth? Worst case scenario here is that my baby is being taken care of by a very unbalanced woman without me being able to have any contact. Knowing that could happen is hard to deal with, but I'm still not causing drama. My aim here is to do the right thing whatever happens.
Looking at how its calculated makes this even weirder. It means she has had scans at 3 and 5 weeks. Another point to clarify - we had sex, a week later she missed her period. Could it have been me?
I like the idea of contacting her parents - clever. Only thing is I know nobody she does and would have no way of doing this. I could get in touch with her older sister (who she has apparantly told) via facebook, but thats about it, would that be a good idea?
But to all the people saying I could go to jail for rape - no chance. I live in the UK and the legal age to have sex is 16. Also I realise there will be plenty of people who dont approve of her being under 18. I was genuinely OK with this. Just to clear that up.
I've asked her to post pictures of both scans and she said she would. I have no idea weather she actually will or not as there seems to be a pattern of her saying she will do something and then just not.
I get that we need to have a face to face discussion. Just to clarify, I havnt seen her since the sex. She told me she was a week late online, then text me at 10 days late to tell me she had took the test and was pregnant. I have tried to meet up with her. She even seems to agree its the best idea when we are arranging it, but then just avoids the situation entirely.
I've tried calling her on her game playing many times, saying stop putting yourself first and take some responsibility and what not. The usual routine is her either ignoring this or accepting it and apologising then doing the same thing the next day. I've even tried being as understanding as I possibly can, trying to help with the self harm issue and everything, but I get the impression she isnt interested in my help, only in telling me about it.
If she wont ever meet me I am honestly at a loss for what to do. She told me about one of the scans on the day so couldnt make that, then I was in work for the other one and couldnt get it off. I text her askin her if there were any problems with either of the scans yesterday and still no reply. Its starting to look like she is cutting me off which is weird cos recently there have been no arguments with us..
The only problem with cutting her off is that what if she is telling the truth? Worst case scenario here is that my baby is being taken care of by a very unbalanced woman without me being able to have any contact. Knowing that could happen is hard to deal with, but I'm still not causing drama. My aim here is to do the right thing whatever happens.
Looking at how its calculated makes this even weirder. It means she has had scans at 3 and 5 weeks. Another point to clarify - we had sex, a week later she missed her period. Could it have been me?
I like the idea of contacting her parents - clever. Only thing is I know nobody she does and would have no way of doing this. I could get in touch with her older sister (who she has apparantly told) via facebook, but thats about it, would that be a good idea?
The doc would never do a scan at 3 weeks pregnant, they wouldn't even do a scan at 5 weeks pregnant, because there really isn't much to see. My doc wouldn't even give me an appointment until i was at least 6 weeks along, but he said preferably 8 weeks along, so they can hear the heart beat easier.
You being the father(if she's pregnant) you could be or you couldn't be, it all depends on how regular her cycle is. if she has a normal 28 day cycle, then she would be ovulating around day 14(so right in the middle between periods) so she would be able to get pregnant two weeks after her period or two weeks before her period(i believe, it still confuses me sometimes lol) that only if she has regular, normal cycles
As to contacting her family. I would do it. Tell them that your trying to help with the pregnancy and be there for her during it and everything but she won't ever keep appointments with you. If you contact her family, you'll definitely be able to find out if she is pregnant, because they'll either appreciate that your trying to be involved and help out or they will be completely shocked and have no freaking clue what you're talking about.
Good luck with all that, you'll probably need it :)
You being the father(if she's pregnant) you could be or you couldn't be, it all depends on how regular her cycle is. if she has a normal 28 day cycle, then she would be ovulating around day 14(so right in the middle between periods) so she would be able to get pregnant two weeks after her period or two weeks before her period(i believe, it still confuses me sometimes lol) that only if she has regular, normal cycles
As to contacting her family. I would do it. Tell them that your trying to help with the pregnancy and be there for her during it and everything but she won't ever keep appointments with you. If you contact her family, you'll definitely be able to find out if she is pregnant, because they'll either appreciate that your trying to be involved and help out or they will be completely shocked and have no freaking clue what you're talking about.
Good luck with all that, you'll probably need it :)
the only reason i even had my scan done at 9 weeks was b/c we thought i was having a miscarriage. luckily i didn't. my ob said his office doesn't even do a first scan until 13 weeks. which until we thought i was having a singleton birth my appointment wasn't even scheduled till then. he just prescribed my prenatals and my blood work to be done. i don't even think a lot of women KNOW they're pregnant until 4 weeks.
and like mego said...it depends when she ovulates on if you're the father or not. IF she is even pregnant a paternity test is a VERY good idea...like i stated before. she could be trying to pass of this baby (if she's even pregnant) as yours hoping you'll take care of her and the child. i've seen people try to do it and fail miserably.
where online did you meet her? if it's anything like myspace or facebook can you view her page and her friends? if it is something like that try contacting her friends. see if any of them will give you any information such as her parents phone number, who they are, if she has siblings. something that can help you get into contact with her parents. if she is playing games with you and you contact her parents it could get her to stop and fess up or at the least IF she is pregnant to face facts and grow up. she'll have to have some contact with you...if her parents are the responsible kind. have you considered contacting an attorney? if you say you are going to or do and have the attorney contact her she'll have to again include you in whats going on. if anything is. and if it isn't...a bit of a waste of money but she won't bother you anymore and you'll finally have your answer. if she wants to play childish games...just up them to adult "games". if you take her word for it. start thinking about the childs future. who would s/he be better with? do you want to be involved in his/her life?
and like mego said...it depends when she ovulates on if you're the father or not. IF she is even pregnant a paternity test is a VERY good idea...like i stated before. she could be trying to pass of this baby (if she's even pregnant) as yours hoping you'll take care of her and the child. i've seen people try to do it and fail miserably.
where online did you meet her? if it's anything like myspace or facebook can you view her page and her friends? if it is something like that try contacting her friends. see if any of them will give you any information such as her parents phone number, who they are, if she has siblings. something that can help you get into contact with her parents. if she is playing games with you and you contact her parents it could get her to stop and fess up or at the least IF she is pregnant to face facts and grow up. she'll have to have some contact with you...if her parents are the responsible kind. have you considered contacting an attorney? if you say you are going to or do and have the attorney contact her she'll have to again include you in whats going on. if anything is. and if it isn't...a bit of a waste of money but she won't bother you anymore and you'll finally have your answer. if she wants to play childish games...just up them to adult "games". if you take her word for it. start thinking about the childs future. who would s/he be better with? do you want to be involved in his/her life?
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