Closure

Question

How do you deal with a man who just kept quiet without any reason that you know? As far as i know everything was just fine, he wuld come to see me almost every day, talking during the day and he wuld send me sms's at night if he is not with me, suddenly everything changed.  I wanted to know the reason of all this dramatic change but he culdnt even pick up my calls i sent sms's wanting to know what happenned.  Its been 4 weeks now and i just told him that we need to talk so that i culd know where i stand? But he is not coming he always promise to come and he never did.

Is it so wrong to demand answers? what must i do now?  I want closure

specialmom · Accepted Answer

I'm sorry you are hurting.  Break ups are hard.  I've been through it myself.  

I hear this question of closure often.  Reality is that sometimes we will never get it.  Even if he got together with you and listed the reasons why he has moved on and does not want to be with you anymore, it is still going to hurt.  True closure comes when we can just accept that is really over and we move on.  Yes, it is nice to have them tie it up in a neat little package and explain it all.  But it is not necessary to move on.

I think I would just try to believe that it was not a good match as you want to be with someone excited to be with you.  Now fill your time with getting back in touch with yourself.  Go work out.  Spend time with friends.  Participate in your hobbies.  Throw yourself into school or work. Lean on your family.

Reality is that you can not force someone to talk to you when they've broken up with you.  Maybe he doesn't want to hurt your feelings, I don't know.  But don't text, call or send him anything else.  Good luck and I promise you will get over this and find someone to be with again.

zowie2010 · Answer

Thank you dear for making sense to me there is only one branch in Pietermaritzburg if i need to change i will need to go to Durban but i have i thot about it im not gonna change church becoz of him im gonna continue going to church im praying for strength to face him wherever i know God will grant me, he has helped me to face many challengies he wont leave me now to be on my own.

specialmom · Answer

You are not only beautiful but you sound very smart as well Zowie.  I think you made a wise decision to refrain from answering him back.  His loss and you will find someone that would never dream of leaving you and then ignoring your request for information as to why.  Some men will keep someone on a string . . . don't do it.  Cut the string.  Is there another church you can attend?  

Anyway, I have NO doubt you will get past this and find a life that is full of joy and happiness with another man!  Good luck

zowie2010 · Answer

Cathi as hard as it is we need to move on let it go and possible deal with the memories...we gonna be just fine holding on into sumthing that is not working will kill us mina im done with thinking asking myself questions with no answers he is not worth it man! 

Im sorry dear i know u hurting but we need to pick up the peaces and move on.

zowie2010 · Answer

Thank you so much guys for your advices what is worse is that we attend the same church with him i dont know what he will say when we meet there....yesterday you wont believe he sent an sms to me saying "Hey, How are you,  where are you?" can you believe him afta all this time? exactly when i decided to just forget about him there he comes remind me that there is a bustard like him out there....im so angry i didnt even entertain that sms i just kept quiet.

I just told myself that im forgeting abt him anyway its his lose....Im a young very beautiful women i shuld send you my photo its his lose.  Thank you

teko · Answer

Well if this is the way he handles issues, then my advice to you would be to not waste another moment worrying about it one way or the other. He is probably off doing the same thing with someone else. What a coward! It was simply not meant to be. Unfortunately you cannot make him say or do anything he doesn't want to. Not much of a guy if you ask me.

imanaddict · Answer

No, it is not wrong at all to want answers. Unfortunately though, you may never get them. Sometimes we just have to accept what we can't change and go from there. It hurts, of course, but just keep in mind that you will get past this and life will go on. With or without him, and with or without answers.

cfstorey · Answer

Im the exact same boat. months of constantly being together then bam- one day he's gone and all he can say is "i dont know, i just don't feel the same". No word since. Its tearing me apart because i thought i KNEW this was the man i was going to marry - i mean we even talked about it! Then.. he's just gone. And everything i hear about him, he's just a totally different person. I'm holding on for hope with all of my strength, so i'm not a good person to tell you when to let go. I just wanted you to know that i'm right there with you. And i have no idea how to get answers or closure or give up hope myself. Im not much and i'm sorry, but you're not alone in this at all. - cathi

skmedlin27703 · Answer

As hard as it might sound I would try my best to move on. Sounds like he is a coward! He is not worth your time! I am not saying you do not deserve to know why but I don't think he is going to tell you... it makes you crazy but you have be strong and not contact him.  And later when he comes around trying to talk to you I would find the strength to ignore him back.