Completely heart broken

[MrsHurley21]

I am separated and pregnant with my boyfriend. Today I was told if I'm not divorced within 10 months of my babies birth he will be given my exs name and he will be the presumed father my boyfriend is feeling very angry because it is impossible because I'm already pregnant I'm so very sad and don't know how to stop this I don't want my ex to have any part of my life and I damn sure don't want his last name for our child how do I stop this my ex is filing the divorce tomorrow but that still doesn't help can I just not say any thin about getting divorced when my baby is born so that there baby can have my boyfriend's last name?! I don't know what to do just get the divorce and then speak with a lawyer I'm so scared that my baby will be presumed as his :'(

[MrsHurley21]

Well I've read online a about it and and I guess what I read is that he is presumed the father but do they even need to know when I got divorced? It's really no one's biusness really so if I have to lie so be it. Because I honestly never want to have to work out an issue with my ex ever again after I sign the papers Wednesday

[Chima7]

I admit that I'm not familiar with the legal aspects of this but it seems to me that if you are divorced before the baby comes then there's no reason to think your ex's name has to be on the birth certificate. I truly think that whoever told you that he did need to be, doesn't know what they are talking about and they are completely wrong. That's why your concern seems so unnecessary because I truly don't believe it's even going to be an issue. No one is going to force you to put your ex's name on there. We live in a free country, you're not living in a oppressed society where there's some kind of stupid rule like that. I really wouldn't get so upset about it but I mean talk to a lawyer for confirmation, but make sure it's not a shmucky lawyer cause they will lie too.

[vicki595]

The information on the birth certificate is provided by YOU. Also, a woman can name her baby anything she wants and women often do. I don't always agree with it because it causes problems down the road sometimes but it's all  in what info you give.  So just be honest with the information you provide. Your name, the father's name, and the name you're giving your baby.  I think it's the best way and don't get bogged down with guessing about this...check with a lawyer if you want.  

Your ex husbands name should not be anywhere on your paperwork when you deliver and I'll tell you why...If you should apply for gov't assistance down the road, it's your husband who they'll go after for child support because it's the assumption that it's HIS child (unless otherwise documented) if you were married at the time of birth.  

So, as long as you've filed for divorce, for all intents and purposes you are a divorced woman when you enter the hospital to deliver and that's what you say...then name your baby.

Please don't spend a lot of time worrying about this, okay?  I'm certain I'm correct about this because I worked in an OB GYN clinic and this scenario came up many times.  Please double check for your peace of mind, though.

Good luck!

[MrsHurley21]

I'm not sure maybe talk to a lawyer and find out ;)

[specialmom]

Think of it as a temporary complication~!  What if you got divorced and remarried by then?  (ha, not rushing you or anything.  :>))  

good luck dear

[MrsHurley21]

Thank you yes I think his name will just have to go on it until after a dna test is done. I guess that's what happens when you put off getting a divorce and meeting someone new thank you!

[specialmom]

Okay,well I think you have been misinformed.  If getting the divorce is no problem---  get it as soon as possible.  Then when you have the baby, you are in control of who goes on the birth certificate.  I think someone has mislead you and would double check this information.  And should anyone suggest that this IS true, a simple cheek swab DNA test solves the problem and your ex could in no way be responsible for the child.  End of story.  good luck

[MrsHurley21]

No my boyfriend is the father no question about that

[specialmom]

IS he the biological father?  

[MrsHurley21]

The divorce is going to be finalized that's not the problem the problem is since I got pregnant before the divorce finalized the baby is legally considered my exs child even though we were seperated long before I got pregnant. I can get the divorce and it will be finalized soon but that doesn't stop his name from being put as the father on birth cert. And being legally financially responsible

[Chima7]

That's the part that I'm confused about as well. I'm not sure I understand why this divorce can't go through as soon as possible. I feel like I'm missing part of the story because there doesn't appear to be a problem here that can't be solved by getting the divorce finalized sooner rather than later. If I'm missing something else here then I apologize but I'm not understanding the issue.

[specialmom]

Well, if your ex is the father, then he has a right to his child.  And your child will want to know their biological father.  In this day and age, there are all sorts of blended families and your child would have two dads if you stay with your boyfriend.  Your boyfriend should not be upset about that if it is your ex's biological child.  

Now if you are 100 percent positive that the baby is your boyfriends and not his, why not get the divorce in 10 months?  That should be sufficient time to work out the details of a divorce.  ??  Unless I'm missing something you haven't confided here (which is okay).

good luck

[MrsHurley21]

He wouldn't want his name on it and no he doesn't know because I didn't think I needed to tell him.... Until now that it could affect him as well

[Chima7]

Does your estranged husband know about your bf and your baby? Would there be any reason to think the baby was his and not your bf's? If he knows it's not his from the fact that you've been separated a long time then I don't think he'd want to take responsibility for a baby that isn't his. In fact I'm sure he doesn't want to be on the hook for child support for a baby that he knows is not his since he will already have to pay you alimony. Why would you think he would even want his name on the birth certificate?

[Danicaantle]

I'm not positive if it will never go on there at all.  I just remember asking at the hospital when I had my daughter(5 months ago) and they said something about getting my ex to sign something saying the baby wasn't his.  I didn't get too many details because thank god I had been divorced just long enough that it didn't matter. I would definitely contact a lawyer. Maybe even ask the divorce lawyer how you can go about fixing that problem.  May be able to get something in the divorce papers saying its not his not too sure

[MrsHurley21]

I wasn't worried about hurrying the divorce be aide he offered to pay and I didn't need a lawyer because we had no children no assets and everything else we distributed fairly and civil with each other we both wanted divorce so he offered to pay and deal with filing the divorce considering I never worked our whole marriage and didn't have any job skills it just seemed logical to let him deal with it while I tried et back on my feet

[MrsHurley21]

So I can get him to sign a piece of paper stating he is not the father and his name will never be put on the birth certificate? Or will it still be put on but I can get it taken off with him signing a statement?

[MrsHurley21]

It will still be an issue because I'm already pregnant and I was pregnant before the divorce

[Chima7]

I'm not sure I understand what the problem is. Is there a reason why you're not trying to finalize the divorce ASAP? I assume that since you are separated and already pregnant by your bf that your marriage is way over so, why delay? Get this settled now, like yesterday and then you don't have to worry about it because it won't be an issue.

[aali4]

I've heard of similar situations when women are married. Can you file as well? Just to be sure its done. I would see a lawyer asap. Praying for you.

[12_4_14]

Im in a confusing situation with the last name if my child as well. We werent married but made a baby together, now my bf wants the baby to have his last name instead of the actual fathers. I have heard that it would be best to give my child my last name. That way it will be easier to change later on. Also for child support reasons

[vun512]

I thought it was all up to the mother married or not its up to the mom to decide who's last name the baby gets.

[Danicaantle]

That is true.  I was told that at the hospital but I had been divorced long enough. They said that to get his name off the birth certificate you can either get a DNA test or I think you can get something saying he's not the father from him or something.  I know there is a way to fix it so don't be too worried

[Cassie19957]

I honestly thought it was the mothers decision to whose last name the baby has. I've never heard of that before