Crisis in marriage

[writefeel]

You see, three years ago I married my now husband after I was really hopeless with my then boyfriend of four years. My boyfriend an I had lots in common buthe was younger and unnsettled about life. He loved me alot and I did too but I just thought it was better for me to get settled with someone as mature as my current husbad,

It has been 3 years now and although he is sweet and all but we have issues. We dont have any sex (stopped soon after marriage) and hardly have things in common. He is helpful and sensetive but we lack the spark that I envy in couples.His reasons for no sex are mental and recently he has been going for help as well. However I just find myself missing my oldboy friend and now after  3years I got in touch with him. He is continents away but says that he still loves me and wishes me to join him. He is still not fully settles but somehow I am very tempted to leave everything and go.

I did have a chat with my husband about me not feelin enough and he said he will try. But what can he do if we both just are two diffrent kinds? I am not sure of its the lack of sex thats effecting and if its justified.

I do feel guilty for not being able to love him and being emotionally attracted to my ex. Also the fact that I might be leading the ex on too. Both are really nice and love me I just dont know which way to go and try. I know if I continue like this I might end up alone.

[Kayannaboo]

I wonder if you miss your ex simply because there is something lacking in your marriage. We people tend to really over romantizie stuff when there is trouble. We seek a place that was better than the current one that we are in and called it "perfect". Sometimes I miss my ex when I am lonely. But looking at the relationship itself without being blind to all the bad stuff, there was a pretty good reason why he and I are not together anymore.

I would say try what you can to make your marriage work. But if it isn't, then do not stiffle your happiness by being in a relationship that will not emotionally build anytime soon. Do not go seeking your ex immediately after if you do decide to leave. Take a breather, make sure this is what you want.

Anna.

[shell921]

boyfriends and husbands may come and go..but you will have to be able to rely on YOURSELF - YOU are the most valuable asset you have got. take care of YOU-!  SELF matters. learn about yourself and care for yourself. once you can do that you can think about another relationship. right now you should not be in ANY relationship. you are too immature and you do not know YOURSELF>!!

[Londres70]

Hmmm.....don't see anything wrong with leaving the situation that you are in now, but running to the ex bf so quick?  I wouldn't recommend that.  

Be by yourself for a while.  Plus, you haven't seen this ex bf in a while and you don't know EXACTLY what is going on in his situation.

Sounds like you and your husband were never a match.  Perhaps you married him too quickly without really knowing him well; perhaps you were "rebounding" from the ex bf.  

In my opinion, you both (you and the ex bf) are "exs" for a reason.  I would assume go forward in life than backwards or keep repeating the same mistakes.  

[TTinKKerBBell]

For 4 years the ex BoyFriend was immature and unsettled.

3 YEARS later He is "continents away" and He's still "unsettled".  Sounds like a giant gamble.

[RockRose]

If you don't have any children,  I think you're well within reason to leave.  It doesn't sound like you're a match.

If you do have kids,  you're obligated to stay in an intact home,  IMHO,  because this isn't an unhealthy home,  you're just not "feelin' it" anymore,  basically.

BTW,  I don't think it will work out with the other boyfriend either,  but I don't think you should stay in this loveless marriage and make your husband miserable.

[shell921]

I think perhaps you DO need to be alone for awhile and get to know your own mind before trying to make a relationship with any man. How OLD are you? Marriage is a task - it's like a job sometimes - not all sunshine & lollipops. You will have problems with ANY person you marry. Running back to your old boyfriend is not going to solve anything. Work on yourself for awhile.