Empty nest syndrome and trouble marriage

[rana64]

Im feeling really sad after my second daughter left home and move out with her older sister to another state, i would like to find some people who are sufering from empty nest syndrome. And talk about our feelings and emotions.

[Nighthawk61]

i'm so sorry that you had to go through an attempted suicide. My first husband attempted suicide, and i know how hard that is to deal with. It's hard to say that time ever heals that wound, depending on how it's been tried. I wish i could give you a hug. I really think that you could make some lasting and close friendships with other women, Maybe try the local pool, and go for exercising. It would be good for you. It's hard to find and bring joy when you are stuck with someone who is seemingly joyless. I understand why you want to stay with your husband, due to your son. I would also suggest an art class. That would be a wonderful way to meet other women, or a book club at the library. I think there comes a time in every women's life, be it empty nest, or loss of a partner , that we need to reach out again, and find friends of our own. YOU CAN DO THIS!! If you lived in my town , well we'd be planning some excursions, I can bet on that, and I'd win. REMEMBER, there are other women who feel as you do, some in relationships that are no longer passionate. You don't have to feel alone or funny about reaching out to other women. Women understand the need for companionship. We all need that moreso or less, depending on our age and circumstance. I can't wait to hear that you have reached out and put yourself in a position to meet friends. Have you thought of skpye?

[Nighthawk61]

Have you got skype? For sure, if my son moved away so that i couldn't see him regularly, i would definitely have skype. Plus, plan on a vacation to visit them, as often as possible.

[rana64]

Yes, those are options, the problem is i still have another son , he is 11 years old and im worry to affect him emotionally. He has been trought a very hard times when my middle daughter got sick the last 6 years and try ti kill herself.

[Nighthawk61]

If your husband is not willing to work on the relationship with therapy, you might consider moving on, perhaps closer to your girls? A new state, a new life. new friends, new options, new partner. This is an option, no?

[rana64]

Yes, the terapist told me that i lost myself in them, and now i dont even know who i am. i consider myself a bad wife, bad mother and lost case, i wish only to have somebody  to hold me tight and tell me that is k that im not perfect and life will be ok for my children and for me at the end!

[rana64]

How to live without them, that is the question, i need an asnwer for that. Like you said they are my life, i dedicadet every second to them and now they are gone,far away, and i feel scare and worry, and sad, and tired!

[rana64]

Thanks for your  wonderful words. I can tell you that the last 10 years has been very dificult for us as a family but we will talked about that another time. Mi marriage is only a empty relationship, my husband dont sleep in our hed for the last 4 years, he dont talk to me more that what is necesary, not even look at me that much if i tried to talk to him, i feel his reyection and distance is a clear expresion of his hate for me, but he is not strong enought to free himself from me. To be true i dont have friends, i live a very lonely life , my company at night are my Ipad, tv , my dogs and my empty bed. Yes i have many hobbies and im planning on start them again but the sadness of not having my daughters with me is so profund that i feel lost.

[specialmom]

Kids of all sorts are a joy and I'm sure your daughter is a wonderful blessing!  peace

[specialmom]

Spoken from an older mom that has lost my mom, there is some sadness to the older mom.  I'll have less time with my kids as they come back around and appreciate me as adults.  Such is life.  Not having any more though.  LOL

I think it is an excellent time to discover who one is without kids.  I do know how we can make them our identity but that is not emotionally healthy.  I've done it a bit too, don't get me wrong.  But I'm trying to bring out a little more of 'just me' to strike that healthy balance.

anyway, if having more kids isn't an option----  take this time as a discovery period about yourself.  You may learn to love this new life too.  I sure hope so.  and then grand kids may surface and it all starts over again . . ..  loving little ones.  peace and luck

[specialmom]

Hi, how are you?  Well, I don't have empty nest syndrome but at my age, could.  ha ha.  I had my kiddos late in life, two boys that I adore.  I've already started thinking about what is to come . . .   their separating from me.  If it can already make me sad when they are elementary school age . .   I can only imagine living it!  So, I feel for you.  We put our heart and soul into raising our kids and adore them and while it is right that they assert their independence, it still stings, none the less.  

I'm also sorry to hear about a troubled marriage at a time like this.  We can distract ourselves with kids when in that situation and then when the kids leave, wham!  We must confront the troubled relationship.

So, I guess that is a question I have for you.  What are the issues in the marriage?  What is going on?  Can we offer any suggestions to help with that?  Lots of ladies and men have experience here with relationships that need some work----  and would love tot try and help you.  

Another thought I had for myself is that when my kids 'leave me' (ha ha, that's how I see it.  a dramatic way of putting it but encompasses the emotion I'm sure I'll have regarding it when it happens) that I'll then have an opportunity to do things I find pleasurable.  I can throw myself into my hobbies.  Things like that.  Do you have friends where you live around your age and place in life?  

While I'm not personally an empty nester, as I said, I'm of an age that I have friends who are.  My sister in law was just over this weekend.  She took up bike riding.  She went out and got herself a nice bike and worked with the place she got it to be independent with it (attaching it to her car herself and pumping up tires and things like that with no help) ----  an employee who worked there showed her how to do everything.  And now, she has something she does on Saturdays that she enjoys.  She goes to a trail and rides a bike.  And she has a friend that does it too.  They'll go for a ride to somewhere and have lunch and ride back.  This is definitely something she didn't have time for when her kids were living at home.  

So, think if there are any things like that that you've always wanted to do.  Now is a great time to try!  

Anyway, I'm happy to be here for you any time you need a friend.  peace