Extreme HIV anxiety in new relationship. i need advice

[BlissfulJoyAlisa]

I am having severe HIV anxiety. I had sex using protection 3 months ago. I am sure the condom was intact. I am now with someone new and i have opened up with him about my anxiety. He told me that if it makes me feel better he would get tested. He made an appointment to get tested today and mow i am awaiting his results. He has been great aupport throughout my anxiety. I am not sure how this anxiety developed but the guy i had sex with 3 months ago recently told me that he's ok and that i that over think. He also got a little upset at me for thinking he has HIV. I need help with this anxiety because i fear it will ruin the new relationship that i am in. It has also ruined my everyday routine of things. I can't sleep because i am up all night searching the web for HIV. I am scared to get tested because i fear that i will be positive even when i had no risk

[Nighthawk61]

I think EllaMari's comment is right on and I also suggest that you talk this trough with a therapist. I agree that you family of origin may have placed a taboo concerning having sex at all, and that is why you are feeling as you about sex. It may help you to hold off on sex so soon in a relationship. It might be that you would feel better if you were in a more committed long term relationship and tweak that a bit for yourself. Something that you can consider while talking with a therapist. I wish you peace moving forward and am praying you find God Speed. Keep talking about your feelings, it's important that you are not alone with these thoughts. We're certainly here for you anytime.

[EllaMari]

I really believe a therapist should help you work through these things. You are not the only person this has happened to. There have been a number of articles written lately about how purity pledges ruined their lives. Try googling it, I think I will make you feel less alone. Some of these women had their marriages ruined because they felt sex was 'bad'. All of these women were helped by therapy.

I believe you are at almost no risk of HIV. You deserve an informed, healthy, stressfree sex life. I hope you are able to get the help you need! Best of luck!

[BlissfulJoyAlisa]

I definitely need to change that. I am a woman. I am not sure how this OCD or anxiety started but I do know the root cause of it. I was always taught about sex through fear mongering. My mother always told me that if i ever have sex that i would end up pregnant or with AIDS. I began having sex at 21. When me and the guy i lost my virginity with broke up i thought i was pregnant or have gotten HIV despite the fact we used condoms. I went celibate for a year and at 23 is when i felt comfortable with dating again. I met this other guy and had sex like 3 months ago. We used condoms during the times we had sex. We broke up and at first i thought i was pregnant. I got my period shortly after. I then started having OCD or anxiety with HIV. I grew up very religous and sex was never taught appropriate. I feel like because i have had sex with men who has left me i should be punished by an unwanted pregnancy or HIV. I noticed that my OCD or anxiety is about two things everyone will know have if it happens and that's pregnancy and HIV. I just do not know how to fix this. I am so afraid to go for a test bc i am scared it may be positive although ive been using condoms

[RockRose]

Your profile says you're male,  which makes you at a much higher risk than a woman with the behaviors you are describing.  

Are you male?

[EllaMari]

Hmmm....there is a difference between anxiety and obsession and I'm concerned that your fixation on HIV, despite your low risk behavior, could be obsessive.

I would suggest reading some postings in the OCD group on this site. There are many who share your fear and have received help to be able to manage their fear.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, i think in some ways your fear is not about HIV but your fear is of dying. Weather there is a God or not, i think having some faith in a higher being will help us with our uncertain futures. Maybe bringing back some of your oldtime religion would help you deal with this.