Fallen in love with coworker

[messedup2much]

How do you walk away from a man that you love and he loves you, we are both married and yet, neither of us want to leave our marriages.  We have not been intimate but it won't be long as we have be talking about it for months.  The what if's and what will it be like?  He has filled an empty spot in my heart however, because of being burned many relationships ago, I'm still have trust issues. I'm upfront and honest with my feelings about everything.  I know how he is with beautiful women and I've never in my life been jealous, until now.  I've told him we need to stop and I've told him why, but he keeps telling me  he will never let me go, that he won't leave.  Deep down I don't want to let him go but if I'm having insecurity issues then I feel it's not fair to him to keep our relationship going.  I deeply, truly, with heart and soul love him. I've committed myself to him as I have to my husband.  Yes, I know it sounds odd but, I love them both?? Oh God help me.

[confussed]

Wow I thought I was the only one that stuff like that happens to....See everyone I'm not!!! Well all I can tell you is they are right he's probably not really as great as he seems cause I thought I found that someone that I had always dreamed of and I could go a day without talking to him somehow.  He loved me "I thought" and I loved him more than life it's self.  But when it came down to it he didn't take that chance and really prove his love to me. He's still with his wife.  And well it's been over a month now and I won't say I don't miss him or should I say the him I thought he was but.....reality kicked in and well I saw what I had in front of me and realized I didn't want to lose what I have so.  WEll I am getting married to my fiance of 8 years Sunday and I really feel I am making the right choice. Maybe my experience can help you see a light.

[Trialanderror]

Since you indirectly asked: no, I have not been in exactly the same situation but for a while I was on a co-worker`s radar screen who cures his own lack of self esteem by "making" women fall in love with him, from the safety of a marriage with children that he would never leave. I was neither married nor in any relationship and enjoyed some male attention and he sure always had the right words to make me think we would have been the ideal pair if we would have met earlier. The whole method of operation with these guys is that they want you to think how incomplete your and their life is and that both of you deserve better by "hopping in the sack". The great friendship stuff is usually just brainwash. Once the co-worker I am referring to became very suggestive and bombarded me with sultry phone calls,
I told him I had no interest in helping him to cheat on his wife because I do not like liars. Right then he started spreading frivolous rumours about him and me, his main interest was to look like an incredible womanizer in front of his work buddies. Co=incidentially, he was fired soon after and I really had nothing to do with that. So, if you are messed up too much, take a break from it all and don`t go with trial and error....

[Laurka]

god! there are so many women thinking of leaving or staying...(including myself of course)so surprised. I have been where you have a year ago, but hey guess what! It turned out that it was not the right time, i've distanced myself... and after a while ..remembering that, just smiled to myself inside...and huged my husband thinking how good it is that i have him! :)

but i am at the different stage now.. good luck!

[anxiousmomtobe?]

Everyone has given your great advice.  I hope you find the strength to walk away and walk into your husband's arms.  There will be nothing but pain for you and your family if you continue down this path.  Do you want to be that kind of woman?  A cheat, a piece on the side, a booty call, the other woman, a homewrecker?

I think you are a woman of character and substance.  Do not destroy yourself in this manner.  Get far away from him, do not be his friend.  Rediscover why your husband can be your best friend.

[pixijal]

I have been in your situation...it was a friend of my husbands.  Very difficult, and someone we couldn't just get out of our lives.  The feelings are so strong, and it feels impossible to rip yourselves apart.  This is what I did when I actually came to the realization that it wasn't worth it to jeopordize my family for what was going on between me and Brad...

I know it sounds TWISTED, but coming 'clean' to your husband is actually a very brave and great start to getting over this guy.  Once you say this out loud to him, it will be then that you realize the magnitude that this carries.  In addition, you will also create someone to answer to in this situation, which will provide strength to get through this.  If your husband is aware of the situation, you will feel like the affair is not optional, and it will no longer be left for you to guess.  If you tell him, there will be no turning back.   There is no need to discuss anything with the co-worker, all discussions must take place between YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND.  

To fix any relationship, do not turn outside of the relationship.  You have to fix your relationship with the person involved, and nobody else.

You may not ever get over this, I still am not after 3 years.  I don't know if I ever will....but, you don't have to get over him before you MOVE ON and start making the right choices.  I hope everything works out for you.  Unfortuanately, I know exactly how you feel.  Your marriage is WORTH THE FIGHT.

[pertykitty]

im sorry you are so lost! we have given you many reasons why you could be feeling this but you wont listen.ask questions deeper than his marriage? you need to get some help somewhere, you are starting to become dilutional. im done understanding and trying to help. you are continuing this, pursuing it, and not at all wanting to stop it so you may get just what you deserve!!